Happy New Year!

May 2011 be filled with love, blessings, adventure, joy and meaningful moments for you and all.

Merry Christmas!

I hope you all had a Merry Christmas! We've been busy...and here is a look at what we've been up to.

Our friends (the Drs. B and their family) came over to cut their Christmas tree at the tree farm and have dinner with us. We made our first fondue, and it was fun AND delicious!

We hosted Christmas day for Gregg's side of the family - potluck appetizers and dessert in the afternoon, for as long as anyone wanted to stay. Kim & Alfonso (next-door neighbors) joined us later, bringing some of Kim's delicious specialties (they own Burrata Bistro & Paella Bar) and Alfonso's guitar. It was a great treat to listen to him playing and singing. Our last guests left around 1:30 A.M.

Last night, we went to the All-Academy Ball, an event hosted by the Washington State chapters of parents' clubs of the United States Military Academies (West Point, Annapolis, Air Force and Coast Guard). Our dear friend, Johanna, with whom David has attended school since the age of five, is a cadet at West Point (she was also accepted to Annapolis - she is a wonderful young lady!). Our families shared a table with a Coast Guard commander and his wife. We heard a deeply inspiring talk by a retired West Point instructor, heard from cadets and midshipmen of Washington State, honored the service of those presently in the military, heard beautiful singing of patriotic songs and danced.

Here we are before we caught the ferry to the city:

I'm hoping to get some photos of Cadet Johanna and her family, too. She looked so impressive in her dress grays, and beautiful in her ball gown.

Happy New Year to you!

Alchemy

"Faith is crumpling and throwing away everything, proposition by proposition, until nothing is left, and then writing a new proposition, your very own, to throw in the teeth of despair." - Mary Jean Irion, Yes, World: A Mosaic of Meditation

This was the message that I received this morning from http://www.gratefulness.org/. It was so interesting to read that I stopped and really listened deeply to what it might be saying. The part I liked best was the phrase, "throw in the teeth of despair." What a great image. But I didn't quite agree with the "throwing away everything." There is much to be learned and gained from the wisdom and experience of the past - from others, and from my own journey.

Instead of throwing it all away, I keep thinking of the word alchemy. I spent a little time looking it up this morning, and learned some fascinating things. First, a brief version of the definition:
"Alchemy, derived from the Arabic word al-kimia (الكيمياء, ALA-LC: al-kīmiyā’), is both a philosophy and an ancient practice focused on the attempt to change base metals into gold, investigating the preparation of the "elixir of longevity", and achieving ultimate wisdom, involving the improvement of the alchemist as well as the making of several substances described as possessing unusual properties."

Second, the way the process is viewed in four (or three) steps in the creation of a magnum opus, or great work:

"Magnum opus...The Great Work; mystic interpretation of its four stages:
nigredo (-putrefactio), blackening (-putrefaction): corruption, dissolution, individuation...
albedo, whitening: purification, burnout of impurity; the moon, female
citrinitas, yellowing: spiritualization, enlightenment; the sun, male;
rubedo, reddening: unification of man with God, unification of the limited with the unlimited.
After the 15th century, many writers tended to compress citrinitas into rubedo and consider only three stages."

I could draw parallels between some of those four stages and what has happened to me in the past few years.

The third thing of significance: "Carl Jung reexamined alchemical symbolism and theory and began to show the inner meaning of alchemical work as a spiritual path." This sounds like the action of the Holy Spirit in cooperation with our spirit:  grace and transformation.

And fourth, the use of alchemy in literature, including the Arthurian legends and even in Harry Potter. The one I recall best is Grimm's Rumpelstiltskin, with the words "spinning straw into gold." And that is how I feel about the experiences of the past four years. The aftermath has left me with a lot of straw, and I am trying to spin it into gold, with God's help and direction. Not literal gold, but something more precious. Katie's Endowment for Cancer Research, Katie's Comforters Guild, speaking, writing, various creative endeavors all have an element of alchemy in them. The alchemy is taking the difficult experiences, and the scars they have left, and allowing the transforming power of God - the Holy Spirit, grace - to turn that "straw into gold," burn the dross away, and leave something of lasting value and beauty.

Alchemy. I like that.

Thank You for this Quote, Mary

"The just woman,
though she die early,
shall be at rest,
for the age that is honorable
comes not with the passing of time,
nor can it be in terms of years.

Having become perfect in a short while,
she reached the fullness of a long career;
for her soul was pleasing to the Lord,
And she who pleased God was loved." 
  -The Book of Wisdom

I'm borrowing this quote from my blog-friend, Mary of Landing on My Feet, the mother of Erin. It fits her Erin so well, as it does Katie, and so many lovely, precious ones who have gone ahead of us, too soon for our hearts' and minds' timing.

Gregg, David and I sat at dinner tonight, at a table with four chairs, but there were three of us. I am so grateful for the presence of David, home from college, to make three. Yet I wondered what that empty chair would hold, if she were still with us. What would be their dynamic? Would they be thrilled to be together again? Would his absence have drawn them even closer? Or would she find him annoying? Would she be too young and provincial for him?

No...she never was, even when she was a baby and he a big 2-and-a-third or three-year-old. Even when she shrieked at him to remember to "KNOCK, PLEASE!" on her bedroom door before entering. He was so patient, and she was patient with his bossiness...the older-brother prerogative.

It seems to me, that, "Having become perfect in a short while, she reached the fullness of a long career; for her soul was pleasing to the Lord, And she who pleased God was loved."

Oh, yes, she was loved...and she still is.

News About Dr. Jensen from Seattle Children's Hospital

If you'd like to read about Dr. Mike Jensen's

ground-breaking pediatric cancer research,

click HERE.

Then read the article on page 2:

"Dr. Michael Jensen:

Seattle Native Returns Home to Change the Face of Cancer Treatment."

HOPE

has arrived, and it needs our support so that it can become

CURE.

Isaiah 54: A Love Story

Is 54:1-10

Raise a glad cry, you barren one who did not bear,
Break forth in jubilant song, you who were not in labor,
For more numerous are the children of the deserted wife
than the children of her who has a husband,
says the LORD.
Enlarge the space for your tent,
spread out your tent cloths unsparingly;
lengthen your ropes and make firm your stakes.
For you shall spread abroad to the right and to the left;
your descendants shall dispossess the nations
and shall people the desolate cities.

Fear not, you shall not be put to shame;
you need not blush, for you shall not be disgraced.
The shame of your youth you shall forget,
the reproach of your widowhood no longer remember.
For he who has become your husband is your Maker;
his name is the LORD of hosts;
Your redeemer is the Holy One of Israel,
called God of all the earth.
The LORD calls you back,
like a wife forsaken and grieved in spirit,
A wife married in youth and then cast off,
says your God.
For a brief moment I abandoned you,
but with great tenderness I will take you back.
In an outburst of wrath, for a moment
I hid my face from you;
But with enduring love I take pity on you,
says the LORD, your redeemer.

This is for me like the days of Noah,
when I swore that the waters of Noah
should never again deluge the earth;
So I have sworn not to be angry with you,
or to rebuke you.
Though the mountains leave their place
and the hills be shaken,
My love shall never leave you
nor my covenant of peace be shaken,
says the LORD, who has mercy on you.

This is a love story. Re-reading this scripture passage took me back to the days when I was "a wife forsaken and grieved in spirit, A wife married in youth and then cast off."

In case you didn't know, I was married when I was young. Twice. Both times, one could say that I was "cast off," though I was the one who left the first marriage. I left because I was "cast off" within the marriage, and my former husband refused to participate in any kind of therapy or counseling (he said to me, "I'm happy; if you're unhappy, you go get help"). I did get help, and knew that I wasn't going to be able to live fully, or have children, in that marriage.

In the second marriage, the husband did the leaving, and though it had been turbulent, I was bereft. All I wanted seemed to be beyond my reach. I did not want a career; I wanted a family. But I was forced to go out and find a career, because you can't just "order" love like take-out food; it has to find you. So I got busy, and admitted to God that I could see I didn't "get" this whole love & marriage business. I read the passage above from Isaiah, and thought, "Ok, I am going to take You at Your word; You are my husband. Any man who is going to be my husband is going to have to come through You, have Your approval, and be like You."

If you read the passage thoughtfully, you can see that it is describing Israel, but it was also describing me in 1989. And I want you to know that He has been a faithful Husband. He is true to His word, and He loves deeply and profoundly. He was never angry with me; He never left me. I "enlarged the space for my tent," and looked for ways to interact with children, in case I never had any of my own. He filled my life with children (teaching Sunday School and getting involved with DECA), helped me grow in my work, and then He led me to a husband with whom to share profound love and happiness, life and children.

Our relationship survived through hard places and times, but He did not forsake me. Being swindled, changing churches (religions, too), facing the sexual abuse that occurred in my childhood, the difficulties of any human life - He was there. Our relationship deepened through Bible study, lectionary, spiritual direction, reading, baptism, and service; it developed and grew the most after I became a mother, through life itself, and it is still the anchor of my life. Through Katie's illness and death, and after, everything that is written in this passage in Isaiah 54 was proved to be true, and I am thankful to Him. He is a wonderful Husband, and the one He gave me is, too. Not that our life together is "perfect," or our family is "perfect," but He is faithful to His promises.

If you are feeling "like a wife forsaken and grieved in spirit, A wife married in youth and then cast off," you might want to spend a little time with this passage. I believe that the promises are for everyone; your Maker is your Husband, if you will have Him. He loves you.

"I will praise you, Lord, for you have rescued me. 'Hear, O LORD, and have pity on me; O LORD, be my helper.' You changed my mourning into dancing; O LORD, my God, forever will I give you thanks." - Psalm 30

"Divine love is perfect peace and joy, it is a freedom from all disquiet, it is all content and happiness; and makes everything to rejoice in itself. Love is the Christ of God; wherever it comes, it comes as the blessing and happiness of every natural life, a redeemer from all evil, a fulfiller of all righteousness, and a peace of God, which passeth all understanding." - William Law

Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree

You may recall this posting from a while back, when I wrote about our ornaments and tree.

Well, it's that time of year again, but as I write this, David is taking finals at university, and he asked Gregg and me to decorate the tree for him, so that it would be ready when he arrived home. David did help us choose our tree at the farm, when he was home last month for a weekend, so we had his input and approval on this particular tree. Gregg and I went to cut it ourselves, after Thanksgiving, and may I go on record here as having told them while we were in the field discussing our many choices that this was a pretty big tree. Pretty big = very, very wide, and tall, as well. The trunk was so thick that we had to call for help cutting it. Gregg did his best with the saw, sweated for a while, and then caved and asked a staff member with a CHAIN SAW to finish the job. The tree was then loaded into a trailer on a tractor and hauled back to the shed for us. When we asked them to bale it so that driving home would be easier, we found it was too broad to fit in the baler at the tree farm. We have a big, fat tree. And it's beautiful.

I give you the tree of 2010, unadorned:

...and in process of being "decked:"

...after Gregg put the lights on...

...and fully adorned, with skirt and a few gifts underneath.

You do see how wide the branches are, from tip to tip, don't you?

Those are full-sized chairs flanking it.

We'll all be working around the tree for the next month or so.

It's lovely, and I'm very happy to learn to live with it.

Christmas Tree, Oh, Christmas Tree! How lovely are thy (very wide) branches!

"Through a Glass Darkly"

My friend Elizabeth sent me a link to an article that is so profound, and so deeply what I believe, that I am going to give you a link to it. The article is called, "Through a Glass Darkly" and it is an interview with Miriam Greenspan "On Moving From Grief To Gratitude," by Barbara Platek.

http://www.thesunmagazine.org/issues/385/through_a_glass_darkly?page=1

It's long. Please read it when you have time to savor it. If you don't, you will miss the many gems within.

This article/interview is one of the clearest, most reasonable explorations and explanations of why human beings need to allow themselves to do their inner work that I have ever read. I hope it blesses you.

Hopeful Parents

I'm over at Hopeful Parents today - please come and visit!

Down the Rabbit Hole

You may know that I am engaged in a book study on a private blog, with three other bloggers who also happen to be mothers of children who have died. We are reading a book by an author I love (Joyce Rupp), called "Open the Door." Joyce Rupp came to our church and led a retreat years ago, and I attended it. We studied her books in Lectionary class. I am happy to be sharing this book with such a wonderful group of women.

The reading I encountered yesterday triggered something in me, and I think it's worth noting. Of course, I noted it on our private blog, but I am going to share it here, as well, because if you are grieving, you might find yourself falling down a "rabbit hole" like this one some day, (or, as my friend Karen J. called it, a "dark alley"), and I want you to know that you are not alone. These memories and triggers lurk everywhere in plain sight, and we have to learn to live with them. But sometimes, they knock me down, and that's what happened yesterday.

The reading was fine - it was lovely, in fact - about invisible guides/guardians on our journey. It was the guided meditation that got to me.

"Sit quietly with your attention focused on the in-and-out pattern of your breath. As you breathe in, whisper 'You are with me.' As you breathe out, whisper, 'I am with you.' When you are ready, visualize a sacred dwelling place with dim lighting. See yourself standing before the holy place. On either side of you is a guardian to guide and protect you." - p. 106, Joyce Rupp, Open the Door

This is where the meditation broke down for me yesterday. I wrote,

"Something inside of me screamed, 'NO! Why should I have this protection, when Katie did not?' Irrational? Perhaps. But I can't get rid of the memory - one of the worst of my entire life - of Katie, screaming in pain one evening, 'I want to die, NOW!' My precious, beloved 12-year old girl. Where were her guardian angels, then? I am shaking as I type this. Trauma memory.

'We learned to anticipate her pain episodes after that, and we had them under control, but there were two that got ahead of us in the early days of hospice, and I will take those memories with me...of failure to protect her, of her suffering, of our agony of helplessness, waiting until the drugs kicked in, of the fear of more horrors to come, of compassion for her, and the angry certainty that NO ONE SHOULD HAVE TO SUFFER LIKE THIS! I hate cancer.

"So I am throwing in the towel on this meditation for now. Maybe I'll come back to it later."

Later on, after putting the book down,  I took a walk, and it occurred to me that perhaps I was a guardian/guide for Katie during her illness. Not that I was able to prevent her suffering, but I was with her,  giving her love and care the entire time - and when I was out, Gregg was there. David was a companion for her, as were countless nurses and technicians and doctors. We had many helpers in our community, as well.

If I think of guidance and protection as "saving from harm," then no way does it work. But if I think of guidance and protection as loving presence, maybe it does. Perhaps our companions or guardians were not so much invisible, as visible. Perhaps they were not there to "protect" Katie and us, in the sense of preventing what was to come, but in the sense of loving assistance and presence.

I went to see my spiritual director yesterday afternoon, and we discussed this further. I was overwhelmed with a variety of concerns and emotions. I cried and cried until I was exhausted. Then I went home and served dinner to my husband and his parents. I went to bed tense and weeping inwardly, missing Katie, and longing for the feeling of her cheek against mine.

This morning when I arose, I was still exhausted, sad and subdued, but I had a bit more hope than I did yesterday. I decided to try and finish the meditation that I had thrown aside:

"Enter the sacred dwelling place and find an enriching sense of peace. Stay there for as long as you wish. When you leave the sacred dwelling place, renew your desire to give your entire self to the Holy One and to the journey of your growth." p. 106, Joyce Rupp, Open the Door

While I couldn't do this on my own in meditation yesterday, it did happen in my spiritual director's office. Sometimes we need the help of another, and I am thankful to have that in my spiritual director, in friends and family. Just as in the reading, the guides ARE with us. Perhaps I am more in tune with the visible guides than the invisible ones, right now.

After finishing the reading and meditation, one of the saving graces of my life appeared: a massage therapy appointment. I cannot overstate the importance of massage therapy in my grief work. Most of the time, I am not verbal about my grief; I write it, or I keep it inside, but it is there, the longing for Katie. If I don't let it out, I feel as if it calcifies in various places in my body, particularly my neck, shoulders and lower back. Massage therapy releases that brittleness, and allows me to move freely again. I used to think of it as a luxury, but it is truly an essential part of my grief therapy, a release and relief. I have the best massage therapist possible, and she lives right in our neighborhood. That is a gift from God, for sure.

So if you find yourself at the bottom of a rabbit hole, you are not alone. Perhaps a prayer, a friend, a spiritual mentor or a massage therapist can help you.

A Thousand Cranes for Sophie

If you look on my sidebar, you will see the blog titled,
A Moon, Worn as if it Had Been a Shell
- it is the place where my friend Elizabeth Aquino writes. She writes in many other places, as well, and advocates for children's health care issues, while raising her gorgeous sons and her beautiful daughter, Sophie, who shares Katie's birthday.

Sophie has frequent seizures, and has done since she was 3 months old. Recently, Elizabeth reached out and asked that those of us who wish to might make origami cranes for Sophie, in paper, or in our minds, as a form of prayer for her. I love this idea...but I have a lot of trouble following this kind of direction. (My husband will be laughing here, because he thinks I have trouble following ANY sort of directions - not navigating, but directions from others). Even though I started a blanket-making and quilt-making guild, I have trouble with sewing patterns, building and repair instructions and, as it turns out, origami instructions, too.

In spite of that, I have done my best with Sophie's crane, and here it is, full of love and intention for her healing and blessing.

If any of you know how to finish this, please leave a comment for me!

This weekend, our furnace quit working (of course it did so on a weekend). We enjoyed some cozy fires in our woodstove, and I am tending that as I await the repair man's arrival. I love a good fire, and I love building and tending them. UPDATE: The furnace is fixed! HOORAY!

Over the weekend, we also went to Bellevue to see our brother-in-law (and to have the turn signal bulbs replaced in my car), took a walk with my sister and her dog, visited my brother at his office (can you say "hilarious workaholic?"), and visited Smileygirl and Tom. We had a beautiful and invigorating walk by the Sound at sunset with them and Wrigley. The sky turned the most electric shades of fuchsia, and it was glorious to see.

On Sunday, we did yardwork, visited Gregg's parents, and cut our Christmas tree at the tree farm (this is quite a different activity when it's done without children - not nearly as much fun, but still better than buying a pre-cut one). We are going to the farm again in a couple of weeks with our friends from the city, their kids and David, but David wanted us to cut ours - the one he chose - and have it up and decorated when he gets home from college for the holidays, so Gregg and I went to get it yesterday. It's drinking water from a bucket right now. I thought we might decorate the tree when Gregg's parents come over for dinner tomorrow night.

If you have any skills in origami, or desire to pray for Sophie, or just want to read some brilliant writing, stop over and see my dear Elizabeth at http://elizabethaquino.blogspot.com/

I'm in Print @ City Dog Magazine!

I am in print this month!

My article is in

City Dog Magazine!

The article is about the Therapeutic Play Program at Seattle Children's Hospital, focusing on animal-assisted therapy (people and dogs working together). My hope is that the article will raise awareness and support for the program.

The two wonderful women I interviewed were great resources, full of interesting information, passion, inspiring stories and great quotes. We met some of the dogs ("pet partners") when Katie was a patient, so it was rewarding to learn more about the program, and the people & pets who volunteer their time to help provide this important therapy. Pictured here is Christi Dudzik of Healing Paws, and one of her pet partners, Teddy Bear.

Teddy Bear

From the City Dog Magazine website:

"In addition to independent pet stores and newsstands, CityDog is sold at Barnes & Noble, Borders, B. Dalton, Hastings and other major bookstores throughout Washington, Oregon, Idaho, Montana and northern California."

If you don't live near one of these outlets, you can go the website (the link is above) and order a subscription or an issue.

Thank you, Smileygirl, for being supportive of the idea of this article!

Acknowledging Heaven & Hell, Here & Now

"Compassion means to suffer with, to live with those who suffer. When Jesus saw the woman of Nain he realized, This is a widow who has lost her only son, and he was moved by compassion. He felt the pain of that woman in his guts. He felt her pain so deeply in his spirit that out of compassion he called the son to life so he could give that son back to his mother."  - Henri J. M. Nouwen

When I read this, I immediately thought of Jesus' mother, Mary, and how he saw the pain of the woman of Nain. I wondered if he saw his own mother's suffering before it happened, and raised this woman's son in solidarity with what was to come to his own mother. Then, I wished that he could have done the same for me, for so many of us who are grieving our children's passing. It's always difficult to live without Katie, but the holidays are especially painful for grieving people.

Then I thought about growing up in Christian Science, and how much I loved reading about every healing that Jesus did for those he met. We read those stories in the gospels over and over again (as well as stories of the prophets healing people in the Old Testament). We were taught that the healings were the proof that God is Love, is perfect Principle, and would enable us to heal as Jesus did. When we experienced spiritual healing (without medicine or material aid), it was considered proof that God is good, and that Christian Science is Truth. That's what I used to believe with my whole heart, and I had many years of healings to show for it.

But many people's illnesses were not healed; people died, and some of them died in a state of a sort of ignorant neglect. That always bothered me, and it was somewhat hidden - not openly questioned or discussed.  Accepting medical intervention was considered to mean failure, giving up the faith, and a sort of adultery towards God. I did not use medicine until David was born. After I submitted to many hours of labor-inducing drugs, he was delivered via emergency surgery; and then, all of my questions broke open afresh. I asked and asked and asked why prayer alone had not been able to help us through his delivery, and NO ONE could answer to my satisfaction. No one was even willing to say, "It's a mystery that we don't understand." I was told by a church elder to "turn the page on it." But how do you turn the page on a near-death experience without first trying to understand it? Sweeping unanswered questions away doesn't lead to peace, growth or trust.

The Christian Science religion has its roots in the 19th-century intellectual freedom of New England; it was considered by its followers to be a real Science, like mathematics, and science was deemed infallible. Well, my own experience showed me that that just wasn't true; it failed, and it failed spectacularly. Nowadays, we see science as having aspects of art, and the more we know, we see just how little we know.

I had to move on from that belief system. I didn't find answers to all of my questions, but I found relationship with God. I found God as Presence, as Love, as One meeting me where I am, and that is infinitely more comforting than an imaginary Principle which doesn't bend, or care about us as individuals. I also found a suffering God, a God who allows suffering and participates in it (Jesus on the cross), and I am still mystified by that. But so is everyone else, and they are admitting to it, thanks be to God. It just IS. When bad things happen, it doesn't necessarily mean that we made a mistake; it is the way of the world in which we are living, the "human condition." In order to live in any kind of integration, we need to be free to see and to ask questions. That is the way of the scientific method.
So we come to Richard Rohr, a Catholic monk whose words and whose take on God and Jesus make sense of the mysteries for me. He doesn't pretend to have answers to all of the questions, but he is unafraid to look at them openly and to name the reality he sees. Father Rohr's work speaks to me, has helped me through the hardest parts of my life thus far, and is helping me now. I will never cease to be thankful that I was introduced to Fr. Rohr well before Katie became ill with cancer. Here is today's message from him, regarding Advent, and life:

"When we demand satisfaction of one another, when we demand any completion to history on our terms, when we demand that our anxiety or any dissatisfaction be taken away, saying as it were, “Why weren’t you this for me? Why didn’t life do that for me?” we are refusing to say, “Come, Lord Jesus.” We are refusing to hold out for the full picture that is always given in time by God.


"When we set out to seek our private happiness, we often create an idol that is sure to topple. Any attempts to protect any full and private happiness in the midst of so much public suffering have to be based on illusion about the nature of the world in which we live. We can only do that if we block ourselves from a certain degree of reality and refuse solidarity with “the other side” of everything, even the other side of ourselves."

-Adapted from Preparing for Christmas with Richard Rohr, pp. 5, 7

So the suffering of the woman of Nain (which Jesus alleviated), the suffering of his own mother (Mary), Katie's suffering, our suffering over Katie's illness and passing, and the suffering of so many others with the tragedies, illness, disaster, corruption and death that occur in this world, are to be seen and understood as part of the deal. We live here; it's like this. What will we do about it? Try to secure our own happiness at any price, even to the point of denial of what is in front of us? Or try to alleviate that suffering by doing whatever we can for good with what is put in our path, this day?
 
If we try to keep ourselves "safe" and "happy" what (or who) are we worshipping? Does it work? Has it ever worked?
 
Spending months in the hospital, co-existing with an illness that had the potential to take our daughter's life away at any moment had a profound effect upon me. I stopped looking far ahead. I had to live in the present, because (I learned) it was all I had. We didn't know if she would die in this moment, or the next, or in a year, or after we were all old people. We didn't know; the doctors didn't know. They didn't even know for sure what kind of cancer she had; they just knew that it was threatening her life, NOW. So we suffered in love, in fear, in hope, and in efforts to alleviate her suffering. We bore it with her. Practicing that for months on end created a kind of endurance.
 
This isn't talked about often nowadays, but human beings need to learn how to bear suffering. It is part of the school of life.
 
 "³ ...we^[c] also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; ⁴ perseverance, character; and character, hope. ⁵ And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us." Romans 5: 3-5
 
To be honest, I love my cozy spot here on the yellow couch; I don't like suffering. I don't toil in a coal mine or labor in a field in the heat of the midday sun. I do not pretend to suffer as the world's oppressed and poorest people do, laboring in unsafe and corrupt conditions. Some of the "hell" of this world is here, however, in grief and broken dreams and lost savings and confusion as to what is next. And much of the "heaven" of this world is here, too, in love, peace, friendship, gifts, purpose and meaningful work. Both are present; both must be acknowledged. I am thankful for the heaven, as I work to lighten the hell. And I am thankful for the work that God has done in me through my suffering.
 
As one of my favorite books is titled, "Everything Belongs."

"We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives, so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and giving joyful thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of his holy people in the kingdom of light. For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves..." - Colossians 1: 9-13