We've just returned from a few days away. As you may know, this is a hard time of year for me. Eight years ago, we sat with Katie as she traveled from this life into the next, right in the room above where I sit typing this now. I find that it's best for me to be out of the house on the anniversary of that day.
This year was one of the hardest, for a variety of reasons (which I'm not going to detail just now). Suffice it to say that I am grateful that August 16th has passed; grateful that we were able to go to a place where my heart knows it is safe, where body, mind and spirit can rest.
The wild west coast of Vancouver Island sings to my soul. My soul knows its song, as if I was born there, or arose from some of the same atoms of creation. It feels like home.
David flew in to be with us. It was lovely to share a few days off with him.
We walked and walked the shores of the island. Most days, we walked more than eight miles, and one day, more than nine; nine miles of walking barefoot in the sand, in the salty air and sunshine, with a light breeze caressing me. Nothing separated me from the heartbeat of the earth. It was good therapy.
When we returned from that 9-mile walk, I saw that the bottoms of my feet were indigo. A deep, dark blue stained them, yet there had been no trace of blue in the sand. Last year, we saw a huge number of indigo-colored sea creatures which had blown onto the shore, and I wondered if this stain on my feet was a residue of their appearance. No answer to that; just blue feet for about 24 hours. After several washings, the blue disappeared.
My feet have never been beautiful; I have funny-looking, tiny pinky toes and odd, clumsily-shaped large ones. The nails must be painted or you'd never know they were "girls' feet." I have had mixed feelings about them for years, thinking that they are "ugly."
Today, though, I know that they are beautiful; they can carry me nine-plus miles, bare, feeling the sand underneath, the salt, the stones and shells and all that makes up the surface of Mother Earth. Thank you, "ugly," wonderful feet, for solidly supporting me through this life. May you be blessed and healthy, able to carry me through the rest of my days.
Showing posts with label Katie. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Katie. Show all posts
Friday, August 21, 2015
Monday, April 13, 2015
Hannah's Hopeful Hearts 2015 RECAP
On Friday evening, April 10th, I had the privilege of introducing my favorite cancer researcher (Dr. Michael Jensen) to the audience at Hannah's Hopeful Hearts 2015, held at Grace Episcopal Church on Bainbridge Island. Dr. Jensen was joined by Dr. Jim Olson, who also presented his latest, equally-inspiring research. The two doctors are friends, and their work is complementary, but they focus on different areas of oncology.
You've probably read notices about HHH, if you follow my blog, facebook postings, or read Inside Bainbridge, the Bainbridge Review or the North Kitsap Herald, as I have been spreading the word as much as possible.
The event was a huge success, for which I thank my friend, Reba Ferguson (Hannah's mother). Reba poured her heart and countless hours of time into making this event go. She personally oversaw EVERY SINGLE detail, and she did it with grace, good humor, and kindness. It was a marvel to watch her work with people from different organizations over months of planning - with attention to detail, yet without micromanaging. I thought I would simply volunteer to be of help in the background, but Reba's generous heart opened wide to invite us to include Katie and tell her story as part of this event. Reba introduced Dr. Olson, and invited me to introduce Dr. Jensen.
We gathered in the living room of this beautiful home, and Mike showed a video which changed my life (and I hope it will change yours). He showed us a film of T-cells devouring a brain tumor. No chemotherapy, no radiation – just the patient’s own immune system, working to kill the invading cells.
You've probably read notices about HHH, if you follow my blog, facebook postings, or read Inside Bainbridge, the Bainbridge Review or the North Kitsap Herald, as I have been spreading the word as much as possible.
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| Dr. Jim Olson and Reba Ferguson (Hannah's mom/HHH organizer) Photo credit: Project Violet - www.projectviolet.org |
I was very nervous - very, very nervous - about speaking. I don't know why this is the case, as I used to speak in front of large groups at work. I used to love being on stage; I even thought (in my youth) that I might want to major in drama in college. I like to talk. But it is becoming increasingly difficult, rather than easier, to speak - and nearly impossible to do so without notes. I have a couple of theories about why (including the emotional nature of the subject, hormones, personal betrayals which have undermined my confidence, PTSD-induced anxiety, perfectionism..."the usual suspects"), but whatever the underlying cause, I was nervous.
As I was getting dressed, I noticed that the more nervous I am, the more I fall into what I think of as "Bellevue Syndrome." It's a function of my upbringing in that community: to avoid being criticized or mocked, I try to present a PERFECT SURFACE. That was a big deal in the Bellevue, Washington of my day, and it means trying to cover any physical imperfections by dressing and using makeup to the very best advantage. It's humorous, once I am aware of it; it reminds me of that saying about "rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic." I KNOW that no one is perfect, and that everyone is more concerned with their own issues and appearance than they are about other peoples'. But for some illogical reason, I go through the process - and then I let it go.
{ Last night, at the Rolling Bay Presbyterian Women's Fellowship Dinner, a singer with the voice of an angel gifted us with two different songs. She said, as a throw-away comment, "Fortunately, only God has to be perfect!," and her words went right to my heart. I wish I had heard her say it a couple of weeks ago, but I was grateful to hear it at all! }
So, getting ready for Friday night, I prayed a lot. It helped to have Gregg, David, my parents, Reba's family, many friends and our Sh*tty First Draft Writing Group there to support us. Reiki also helped to calm me.
I was enormously thankful for the opportunity to share from my heart with this group, and to introduce someone whose work means so very much to me. And it went well. Reba, Dr. Jim Olson and Dr. Mike Jensen spoke beautifully. I did my part wholeheartedly, and most importantly, the event introduced a lot of people (300 or so) to cutting-edge, super-exciting, non-toxic cancer care, and to the brilliant researchers who designed it, and who lead the teams which produce and administer it at Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Center and The Ben Towne Center at Seattle Children's Research Institute.
The totals are not in yet, because there will be employer matching to tally, but as of Friday night, Hannah's Hopeful Hearts raised $180,000 to be split between Dr. Jim Olson's lab and Dr. Michael Jensen's lab. That is enough to pay the salary of a cancer researcher for one year in each lab!
So, although my part was small, I will share it with you here...
"By now, most of you know something about Katie’s story: what a joyful, healthy and active girl she was for 11 ½ years; her dreams of being a writer, actor and mother;
her shocking stage-4 diagnosis of a widespread tumor after 3 weeks of the simple symptoms of a virus.
During her prescribed 5 rounds of devastating chemotherapy and the grueling,18-hour surgery which
followed, Katie suffered horrendously
– and nearly died. It is hard to describe the pain of bearing with the suffering of your beloved child who is desperately ill with cancer, made even more ill from the side effects of poisonous treatment. We could see that
the treatment was doing tremendous
damage to Katie’s health - which was counter-intuitive to us - but there
was simply nothing else to offer
her. Her doctors – some of the best in the country - had to use the “blunt
instruments” at hand, or stand by and let this massive tumor kill her
rapidly.
We longed for a better way, but back in 2006,
there was none available.
During all of this time, we were carried on the prayers of many faithful friends and family members. We felt those prayers, and saw many
evidences of God’s tender love
all through the 10 difficult months of Katie’s illness.
After Katie’s passing, I began to feel concern that
her death might cause people to lose their faith. I myself wrestled actively with God, day by day, in my
grief. I still loved Him, but I had
a lot of hard questions, and I assumed others would, as well.
I didn’t want Katie’s suffering and death to
turn people away from praying to
God, or leave them feeling as if God didn’t hear their prayers, or didn’t care
enough to answer them. Eventually, I realized that this was not
my responsibility, but it concerned me.
In the fall
of 2007, shortly after Katie’s passing, we invited our neighbors to have
dessert with us. Ken is an immunologist,
and his wife is a two-time cancer
survivor – and they are also parents.
I knew that they would understand our questions.
I asked Ken, “Why are we poisoning children? Why are we not harnessing the immune system, and using its power to kill cancer?” Ken
told me that scientists would love to be able to do that, but they didn’t
sufficiently understand how the immune system worked, to make it possible, at
that time.
We continued to hope for better cures, devoting
time and energy to establishing the Katie
Gerstenberger Endowment for Cancer Research at Seattle Children’s Hospital,
supported by of our generous family
and friends.
In the summer of 2010, we were invited to a
small gathering to meet Dr. Michael Jensen; he
had been in Seattle for only five
days.
As Mike talked about his research, I told him, “This
is exactly what I was asking my neighbor about!,” and I began to feel very hopeful.We gathered in the living room of this beautiful home, and Mike showed a video which changed my life (and I hope it will change yours). He showed us a film of T-cells devouring a brain tumor. No chemotherapy, no radiation – just the patient’s own immune system, working to kill the invading cells.
I leaned against the wall, felt tears welling in
my eyes, and whispered to my friend Carin Towne (who was standing next to me), “This
is it. This is what we’ve been praying for! The answer to our
prayers is here.”
After getting to know Mike a bit more, I decided
that it would be a good idea for him
to meet our neighbor, Ken, so we invited the two couples to dinner. It made me very happy to see Mike and Ken chatting together in our kitchen,
but after that, there was no “science talk” around the dinner table. I was a little bit disappointed that my attempt at “scientific matchmaking” was bearing no obvious fruit, but it was still a lovely evening.
Well, I was wrong. Though it wasn’t obvious that night, a match had been made.
You may have heard about a new company in
Seattle, which debuted on the NASDAQ exchange in Dec. 2014, called Juno Therapeutics - a “biopharmaceutical
company focused on revolutionizing medicine by re-engaging the body's immune
system to treat cancer.” Juno Therapeutics is a partnership between Seattle Children’s
Research Institute, Fred Hutchinson
Cancer Research Center and Memorial-Sloan-Kettering
Cancer Center. Dr. Mike Jensen is
one of its Scientific Founders - and
our neighbor, Ken, is the Chief Scientific
Officer! We would like to thank Juno for their support of Hannah’s Hopeful Hearts this evening.
As Director
of the Ben Towne Center for Childhood Cancer Research at Seattle Children’s
Research Institute, Dr. Jensen and
his team have - to date - saved the lives of 19 children - children who had no
more treatment options – without poisonous chemo, radiation or surgery. Young lives have been restored, and families saved, from the grief
that we have endured. Katie’s Endowment
supports this work.
So it is my pleasure
to tell you, here and now, that our prayers are being answered; we
have the privilege to witness this, and we have the privilege
to support the work. And here is the man who will tell you about
it: a brilliant researcher, a passionate and compassionate care-giver, and one of my heroes – Dr. Michael Jensen."
Thank you to every person who attended and donated to Hannah's Hopeful Hearts!
Friday, March 27, 2015
Inside Bainbridge Posts an Article
Inside Bainbridge, a local publication, posted a lovely article about Katie, Hannah and Hannah's Hopeful Hearts yesterday. You can read it HERE.*
Huge THANKS go out to Sarah Lane for her compassionate, sensitive and detailed coverage of the event, and the stories behind it.
*Correction: Katie was 12 and a half years old when she passed away, not 11.
Huge THANKS go out to Sarah Lane for her compassionate, sensitive and detailed coverage of the event, and the stories behind it.
*Correction: Katie was 12 and a half years old when she passed away, not 11.
Monday, March 9, 2015
Hannah's Hopeful Hearts - Join Us April 10th!
Please join us!
Mark your calendar,
and go to
to reserve your tickets! Space is limited; don't miss this special event!
Gregg
and I are delighted to invite you to join us at Hannah’s Hopeful Hearts on Friday, April 10th, 2015,
7:00 pm at Grace Church on Bainbridge Island. This event is in memory
of Hannah Hunt and our daughter Katie, two vibrant, beloved girls who passed
away from pediatric cancer.
The first
Hannah’s Hopeful Hearts event in
March, 2010 was an enormous success, raising funds for brain tumor research which
were critical in the development of Dr. Jim
Olson’s Tumor Paint, which is now
in clinical trials. Tumor Paint aids in surgery by illuminating only cancerous cells,
improving outcomes by leaving healthy brain cells untouched. Further innovative
research is being pursued by Jim and his colleagues at Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Center under the name of Project
Violet. They are creating a
new class of nature-derived compounds that treat cancer (and other diseases)
while leaving healthy cells untouched.
At the
Hannah’s Hopeful Hearts event on
April 10th, you will hear presentations by, and a moderated discussion with, Dr.
Olson and Dr. Jensen – two leading lights in cancer research who have never before
shared a stage. Hannah’s mother, Reba Ferguson, and I will speak briefly
on behalf of families supporting Jim’s and Mike’s work. Wine and beer, light
hors d’oeuvres and a simple dessert buffet will be provided; the evening will
conclude with a lively concert by the band St. Paul de Vence. This band
is featured on The Violet Sessions CD, a creative project which supports the
Olson Lab. If you’d like to hear a sample of their music, go to http://stpaulband.com/#/music/ .
and
join us and the Hunt-Ferguson family for an inspirational evening, furthering
the work of these two brilliant doctors in their mutual goal of finding less
toxic, more effective treatments for pediatric cancer. If you are unable to join
us on April 10th, you may make a donation via the same link (perhaps
your employer will match your gift).
With
hope and gratitude,
Karen
and Gregg Gerstenberger
Special
thanks to our Title Sponsor, Windermere Real Estate of Bainbridge Island, WA
Hannah’s
Hopeful Hearts 2015 benefits:
Sunday, March 8, 2015
Happy Birthday, My Sweet
Today is Katie's 20th birthday.
Her light and her love first came into our lives
on this day in 1995
and for that,
we are grateful beyond words.
I can imagine her at the age of 20.
She has been showing signs of her ongoing presence
in tender ways this week,
for which I'm thankful.
She taught us important lessons in her own unique style,
and her precious life continues to teach us.
We love you, Sweetheart! Happy Birthday!
We love you, Sweetheart! Happy Birthday!
Labels:
celebration,
family,
Katie,
Katie's birthday,
Love
Thursday, August 21, 2014
My Happy Place
We took a vacation. It was grand.
I'm taking longer than usual to get back to our "normal" life, because I have a pinched nerve in my neck. (If you know me well, or even know me on facebook, you'll be aware that I do NOT write about aches, pains, viruses or day-to-day illness, out of respect for others, particularly those who suffer from really serious conditions.)
This has been going on for several weeks, since before we left for Canada, and has prevented me from writing or reading for any length of time. That's why I've been absent from here, and from reading your blogs. All these weeks, I have been itching to read and write, so here I am, with my laptop perched on two large cushions so as not to irritate my neck.
It is good to be away from home on the anniversary of Katie's passing. As the day approaches, I worry that if I am in our house, I will walk by the door of her room, go in, and re-live her death, moment by moment. I realize that I don't have do that, but feel helpless to stop myself. It takes an annual effort to resist re-living the entire month preceding her passing. So I planned our vacation to take us away over the day it happened, and it went well.
The best way to tell you about it is in photographs...they really are worth a thousand words.
We stopped at a tiny winery to buy a couple of bottles of their excellent wines which are unavailable in the U.S. This is the Venturi-Schultze Brandenburg #3 dessert wine, and I highly recommend it - particularly if you accompany it with a serving of sticky date-toffee pudding.
We took beautiful walks through the countryside and city.
We ate fabulous food and met interesting, fun, kindhearted people. We spent time together as a family, just the three of us. It was pure joy.
Whenever we visit, I feel as if I want to move to Vancouver Island - for good. It is my "happy place," so while we're always glad to be home, we had a heavenly vacation. And I felt Katie's presence in so many lovely ways that it was easy not to grieve for her - even on the 16th.
Thanks to all of you who sent messages, thoughts and love during this time. I deeply appreciate it, and want you to know that we are well...and happy.
I'm taking longer than usual to get back to our "normal" life, because I have a pinched nerve in my neck. (If you know me well, or even know me on facebook, you'll be aware that I do NOT write about aches, pains, viruses or day-to-day illness, out of respect for others, particularly those who suffer from really serious conditions.)
This has been going on for several weeks, since before we left for Canada, and has prevented me from writing or reading for any length of time. That's why I've been absent from here, and from reading your blogs. All these weeks, I have been itching to read and write, so here I am, with my laptop perched on two large cushions so as not to irritate my neck.
It is good to be away from home on the anniversary of Katie's passing. As the day approaches, I worry that if I am in our house, I will walk by the door of her room, go in, and re-live her death, moment by moment. I realize that I don't have do that, but feel helpless to stop myself. It takes an annual effort to resist re-living the entire month preceding her passing. So I planned our vacation to take us away over the day it happened, and it went well.
The best way to tell you about it is in photographs...they really are worth a thousand words.
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| That's Gregg and David in the distance. We walked for hours and had a picnic lunch on this beach - my favorite place to hike |
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| My friend Teri calls this a "God-circle" - shining on Incinerator Rock. I saw more than one of these on this trip |
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| Surfers love this cove |
David finally talked us into doing something we have been resisting (for reasons of economy) for several years: taking a seaplane trip to Hot Springs Cove. It was a blast.
My father used to fly a single-engine retractable (landing gear) plane called a Mooney 201, so I love small planes, but have never been in a seaplane before. Gregg has, but David and I had not. This trip included a hike out through old-growth forest on a beautifully-maintained boardwalk to three, natural hot spring pools. Gregg and David carried our lunch, water, towels and a change of clothes.
If you thought you saw this in the slideshow,
you did.
We were stunned to come across it on our hike out to the cove.
It felt like a love-message from our girl.
We saw thousands of these (known as "sail jellyfish," though they are not jellyfish), which rarely come ashore,
and we saw Spiderman's underpants, on the sidewalk in Victoria. If you see him, beware - he's going commando!We stopped at a tiny winery to buy a couple of bottles of their excellent wines which are unavailable in the U.S. This is the Venturi-Schultze Brandenburg #3 dessert wine, and I highly recommend it - particularly if you accompany it with a serving of sticky date-toffee pudding.
We took beautiful walks through the countryside and city.
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| Community garden in James Bay neighborhood |
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| Spoiler alert: this might be our Christmas card. |
Thanks to all of you who sent messages, thoughts and love during this time. I deeply appreciate it, and want you to know that we are well...and happy.
Thursday, July 24, 2014
Letting Go in Order to Comfort Others
Today, I went through our house and selected items to donate for the hundreds of people whose homes have been destroyed by wildfires in central Washington. I put toys, books and clothes into bags - four bags full.
I'm also donating these items, which belonged to Katie.
Breathe.
These are some of my favorites of Katie's clothes. I washed them before packing them. It was odd to wash her clothes again, especially items that I have laundered so many times for her. It felt odd because I wasn't doing it so that Katie could wear them.
It was just odd.
I can't think of a better reason to part with these clothes than to give them to families who have lost every single thing they own...but it still takes my breath away.
I hope our clothes, books, toys and (especially) Katie's clothes will be a blessing to the families in need. They will probably never know what these items mean to me, but that is not important. This gift is to help comfort them in their loss, as so many people offered comfort to us in ours.
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