Submit, Submit, Submit

In my devotional book, Radical Grace (by Richard Rohr), I found this on p. 44 yesterday, and have been turning it over, kneading it in my heart, like clay, and hoping that it will seep into me.

"The Meaning of Life

"Humans are called not to make something of themselves but to submit to creation and to re-creation from another. Yahweh alone is our support, our rock, our deliverer. A person's life cannot be made secure by what one owns, but by who one is.

"The central Old Testament themes of election and of the anawim--a Hebrew word meaning 'the poor little ones'--show a continual refinement of what Jesus finds most attractive in human persons, and, therefore, the core meaning of humanness. It can be summed up in four terms: littleness, longing, openness and surrender."

It is so tempting, in our society, to try to "make something of myself," especially since Americans seem to be masters of self-hatred --of not accepting who we are. Submission to creation, to accepting who I am, made by God, with all of my imperfections, is difficult. Accepting re-creation, as God uses the events of life to shape and form me, is not easy, when I am busy trying to change myself, worrying about what I am "supposed" to be doing, now that I am not as fully employed as I was when Katie was alive.

But upon reflection, the times when I have been forced to allow events (submit) to do what they will with me are the times when I have lived most genuinely. Those are the times when I didn't question (no time for that!), and had no ability to lean on false supports, but lived as I am, in the moment, and I had to live from the goodness (God) that is my very being, because it was all I had. My degree, our house, clothes, looks, family, background, religion...none of these offer security.

It is hard, and scary, and challenging, each day, to trust God and God alone.

It is even harder when you know, first-hand, that the answer to your prayers may come in the form of "No."

There is a saying: "When the Lord closes a door, somewhere He opens a window." I believe this, but it is not easy to place my full trust in God when my deepest, simplest, most natural desire as a mother has been thwarted. Is it so much to ask that my daughter could have lived? Just one sweet, strong, spirited girl, living out a normal life-span?

Submit, submit, submit. Lord, I pray to live as you have created me, in Your image. Please continue to re-create me in Your image. Help me to have a heart that is open to You, for You, for Your creation. Fill me with Your Love, moment by moment. Amen.