Knackered

I learned some new things today. I learned that I am not as fit as I thought I was.

I walk between three and six miles daily. I hiked up to five miles a day while at Rancho La Puerta in February, and was able to keep up on those hikes with my friend Shelby (who is an extreme distance runner), so I thought I could hike 3 miles round-trip. I learned today that I am not aerobically fit - not very.

David has been working weekends, so weekdays are his weekends, and he was kind enough to invite me to accompany him to Mt. Ellinor, where he has been wanting to hike. There is a six-mile trip and a three-mile trip. Six sounded like more of a challenge, but the second half is considered extremely steep, so to play it safe (for me), we started at the upper trailhead. Thank goodness we did!

The elevation gain was about 2,400 feet in 1.5 miles; oh my goodness. David is quite fit; I was panting and sweating from the beginning, as the trail headed steeply uphill and never stopped. Long rocky steps, slushy snow, mud, switchbacks and scree alternated with each other. The trail was beautifully maintained, and we had a gloriously mild, "bluebird" spring day in which to enjoy the natural world of the Olympic Peninsula. But I was not nearly fit enough for this trip, and it showed immediately.

The summit views were spectacular. We saw two white mountain goats on a snowfield below the summit; we saw Mt. Baker, Mt. Rainier, Mt. Adams and a panorama of the Olympic Mountain range. I truly enjoyed the hike on the way down. But going up was a hard slog.

Summit view to the west - Olympic Mountains in the background

Summit view to the north, with Hood Canal partially obscured by high clouds

I learned that it's easy to get discouraged on a steep trail if you are: A) too hot; B) thirsty or hungry; C) at all subject to vertigo. I learned that stopping to rest is necessary if you want to make the summit. I learned that my hiking boots are comfortable, but have crappy traction in the snow.

And I learned some things about David, whose generous gifts of patience, coaching and willingness to understand my fatigue (and my dismay at that fatigue) were beyond what I could have asked him to extend to me. He was a true gentleman with his encouragement and kindness, when he could have done the hike in far less time, with far less trouble, without me. I am blessed that he invited me to spend the day with him, and he never once said a word of criticism.

On the summit

I feel humbled, happy to be home, and (as the British say) "knackered." If I am lucky enough to be invited to hike with David again, it will be something less than a "4 out of 5" for difficulty!

Stroll for Well-Being

I'm participating in a pilot program at a local nature preserve (the Bloedel Reserve) called "Stroll for Well-Being." You may know that I'm an avid walker and love reflective reading and writing, and all of these elements came together when a friend posted on facebook about this opportunity to try the program here for the first time. It is already in place at the Morikami Garden in Florida.

Two dedicated women - one a professor of nursing and the other a professor in environmental studies, outlined the purpose and function of the program. It is inspired, and a pleasure to be part of the "beta test."

Yes, that's the family home; the Bloedels were once "timber barons."

The Bloedel Reserve is a local treasure. Sometimes, I take it for granted, as our family has property - and I now live - nearby. It is open for membership, and it is worth the fee, whether you join or just visit. The Bloedel family home - large for a house, small for a chateau - is graceful and beautiful, and gives a stately sense of "heart" to the property.

The 150 acres of grounds, filled with indigenous and imported plants, are best appreciated in silence, and the Strolls - mapped out in a beautiful journal which includes 12 themes, many inspiring photographs, quotes, and marked places to stop, reflect and write within each - are designed to take full advantage of the refreshment offered by nature.

Sharing this refreshment was a core value for Mr. Bloedel as he established and developed the property.

The reserve has structures which blend harmoniously with the plantings. The Japanese Tea House and Garden, the Orchid Woods and Puget Sound Overlook, the Bird Marsh, Trestle Bridge and Boardwalk, the Moss Garden and Reflection Pond are all integrated into the themes of the strolls.

There are a great variety of plants, trees, benches and water features, wide and narrow spaces, winding paths, stairs, textures, scents, colors, vistas and sounds to stimulate the senses.

In the past, I have loved to walk (fast) for fitness. Because of health issues which arose during the summer months, I have been forced to slow down and focus less on fitness. It became necessary to focus, with increasing patience and gentleness, on nurturing wellness within, as back pain, root canal and infection, ear surgery and recovery took turns demanding my attention during the later weeks of summer and early fall. I am truly grateful to say that I am finally able to walk a couple of miles at a time; my jaw and ear and graft are healing nicely. The Stroll for Well-Being could not have come at a better time!

The Great Outdoors

I am an avid walker, but do not consider myself a hiker. I don't own a good pair of hiking boots or trail shoes. Because of this, I didn't intend to hike at Rancho La Puerta, but I tried it, ended up loving it - and wanting to do more.

Hikes at the ranch start out between 6:10 and 7:00 A.M. I thought that I would want to sleep in on this trip, but after one hike, I found myself waking before my alarm each day, because I was so excited to do it again!

We always met in the cozy lounge (above) where coffee and tea are available around the clock. Before the hikes, staff would have thoughtfully prepared trays of freshly cut oranges, grapefruit and bananas so that you didn't have to go out on an empty stomach. The ranch also provided pedometers and re-usable water bottles. Wearing a pedometer can be very motivating, especially if you keep a log of your steps (avg. 2,000 steps = a mile).

As a beginner, I started with a super-easy two-mile hike called "Woodlands." We walked past the labyrinth and set out through the woodlands a good pace. It was fun, and I saw that I could easily do more.

 The next day, I went a little further with the "Quail 2" hike, and after that, tried "Alex's Oak Tree."

Alex's Oak can be seen in this photo, standing by itself at the top of the hill behind the vineyard.

It is named for the founders' son, Alex Szekely, who was president of the ranch before his death.

  Another view of Alex's oak tree, a mile's hike above the ranch. This hike was so pretty and enjoyable that I did it twice.

 The oak tree at the top.

 View of the ranch from the top.

 More of the ranch from the top.

Yours truly, under Alex's Oak Tree.

 

I was advised not to miss the four-mile round-trip breakfast hike to Rancho Tres Estrellas (Rancho La Puerta's six-acre organic farm), including a gourmet meal served at La Cocina Que Canta (the ranch's cooking school) and a short tour of the garden. This was indeed a special treat.

Because we set out at 6:10 AM, we were able to see the dawn light as it touched Mt. Kuchumaa.

Our guide, Maya (also a wonderful yoga instructor) told us how the local Kumiai indians used the large stones (like the one on which she is standing) as metates. They ground grain and nuts in the natural bowl shapes in the rocks, making the hollows larger over time.

When we arrived at La Cocina, we saw artwork and crafts in blazing colors - more examples of ways in which the ranch addresses all of the senses.

The head gardener who usually leads the tours was away at a conference - I think he was receiving an award - but I could have listened to the ecological specialist (handsome Enrique), for hours. He seemed lit from within as he explained his approach to – and his obvious joy in, and love for - organic farming. His talk had me enthralled, and made me want to learn more.

On the hike back to the ranch, we saw the same landscape, but in a different light. The ranch has a way of inviting one to see many things in a new light. 

In response to a question in yesterday's comments about the labyrinth, here are a couple of links to more information:  

Rancho La Puerta's page

Chartres Cathedral's Labyrinth

Rebuilding on a Firm Foundation

Yesterday, I set out on a beach-walk that brought parkour to mind. I took a zig-zag route around large tidepools, leapt over puddles, walked on a variety of uneven surfaces and climbed over (and under) fallen trees and low branches, all the while keeping an eye on the incoming tide.

The need to navigate the hazards underfoot gave me an opportunity to set my mind on "intuitive" while moving at a steady pace, regularly glancing ahead to see how close I was to my objective, how close the approaching waves were, and what pools of water or muddy areas were in the way. For a good portion of the way, it was necessary to walk on barnacle-covered rocks and slippery seaweed. I've been doing this since I was a little girl, so it wasn't difficult, but it requires balance and a light, flexible step.

Seaweed and round rocks are slippery; barnacles are sharp, like teeth. Walking on this surface is a bit like ice-skating, requiring strength and flexibility at the same time.

In order to access the sandy stretches of beach, I had to weave in and out, backtracking at times. I knew exactly where I was headed, and the route I wanted to take, but it wasn't always possible to take that route. Sometimes, I would get near a sandbar and have to turn back, picking my steps carefully to avoid immersion (and ruining my sneakers), and find a dry way back out to the sand bars.

The air was salty and warm. Steam rose from the sand and seaweed as the sun shone down from the mid-day sky. There were sea gulls, a heron, anemones, clams and moon snails all around, and silence.

This walk was a good metaphor for my life, right now. In the silence, I found time, space and fresh air to do some writing (in my head). I haven't been writing here regularly since the end of 2012, and there is a reason for that:  I was attacked (in writing) by people I trusted deeply, people I considered dear friends. In a matter of a few weeks, a treasured relationship of many years' standing was destroyed by their vicious, groundless claims. While I know that there are two sides to every story, this blog is my place, and it will reflect my truth (a truth which, in this case, is informed, corroborated and supported by expert legal counsel).

Landslides on the beach are due to clay in the cliff; clay is an unstable foundation. I've made the mistake of building on unreliable foundations before; the result feels something like this looks.

This attack has caused me to feel unsafe; it has made me doubt my purpose, my work, myself and my perceptions. It made me pull in, like a turtle in its shell; it also caused me to watch and second-guess everything I want to write here. Bottom line:  I have been intimidated and afraid, and the time has come to stand up and be fully who I am.

I've been a student in the National Speakers Association's Northwest Academy for six months. We meet once a month, are instructed by professional speakers, and do homework in between class meetings. The presenters come from all walks of life:  sales, television, comedy, business consulting, image consulting, drama, etc. Each one has unique gifts, methods and lessons to teach us; I have learned more than I dreamed possible from the Academy, and I would recommend NSA to anyone who wants to develop their business and presentation skills. The fellowship is stimulating, and the leadership is top-notch and supportive.

We had two excellent instructors in the Academy last week:  Candace BelAir and Max Dixon. Both of them gave us valuable, useful, immediately-applicable tools - Candace focused on construction of a presentation, and Max dealt with physical presence and delivery.

Something unusual happened when Max was teaching. He asked if anyone of us was ever told we spoke too quietly. As a young person, I sometimes got into trouble for talking too much or laughing too loudly. Nowadays, I'm often told to speak up, so I raised my hand. Max invited me to join him in the front of the room, and instructed me to speak some lines. He proceeded to coach me until I projected as needed in order to be heard at the back of the room. It took several tries, but I finally did it.

The unusual thing happened right before I sat down again. Max was a professor at the University of Washington; he is an expert on acting, movement, diction, and presence, among other things. He understands, teaches and illustrates what enables us to move freely in this life - not just on stage. He looked directly at me, and said words to this effect: "You deserve to take up more space. You have a good brain, and you need to stop apologizing for yourself." It stopped me in my tracks, and shook me, because I've heard it before.

Where have I heard it? Katie said it, shortly before she died. She said, "Mom, you have got to stop apologizing."

When Max said practically the same thing, I listened. And that's why I am standing my ground here, now. If others want to tell a different version of the story - or if people want to listen to that version, without hearing my perspective, so be it. I wish them well.

I have lost so much that, when I think deeply about it, there is not much left of which to be afraid. By telling the truth here, I am claiming my space, and refusing to apologize - for a wrong I did not commit, for someone else's mistakes, mistaken impressions, or willful misunderstanding and misrepresentation of me.

I don't know what the end will be for my video; I don't know if I will be a public speaker, or not. Though I have made mistakes, I know who I am:  a child of God, a writer, advocate, wife and mother; a person of integrity who does her best to serve and bless out of a good, generous, loving heart; one who loves God and His creation, who seeks to serve with gratitude.

Candace reminded us last week that Oscar Wilde said, "Be yourself; everyone else is already taken" - what a great quote! It is enough to be myself. I am going to do my best to take the space I deserve, stand up for myself, write what is in my heart and stop apologizing - because my daughter said so, and she (and Max) have given me a powerful message.

"Goodness is the only investment which never fails." - Henry David Thoreau

July's Joys

Happy Bastille Day to those of you with ties to France! July has brought abundant joys: sunshine, a bit of travel, celebrations and the beauty of nature, not to mention the annual pleasure of the Tour de France. Ah, la belle France!

Poulsbo celebrates the 3rd of July, rather than the 4th. I am not sure why they do this; I asked Gregg, and he thinks it began with one of the nearby Navy base's tradition. In any case,

we went to a friend's house for the 3rd of July fireworks, which are set off over Liberty Bay; it was small-town spectacular. Sitting on lawn chairs, bundled up in the cool night air, watching colors exploding and sparkling as they fell from the sky, we enjoyed the company of neighbors and friends.

On the 4th of July, David went to work (it's a busy day on the boats), and Gregg and I set out on the first leg of a two-day journey to Montana. We spent the evening of the 4th walking in the warm twilight, as crowds gathered on the banks of the river in celebration and anticipation of the fireworks. We found a hopping bistro for a late supper, returning to our hotel for a good night's sleep. Up early the next morning, we took another walk, stopped at a great coffee shop (Brews Brothers - don't you love the name?) and headed further east on I-90. We were on our way to Big Sky, a ski resort that was developed in part by my parents' friend, Gustav Raaum. If you like adventure stories, click the link on his name and read the article; Gus is a man to admire.

I have heard about Big Sky for years, but have never been there. When I was growing up, my father often traveled to Montana on business, but I haven't been through the state since my college days - and neither has Gregg. When we were invited to attend a wedding and weekend of festivities in Big Sky, we said "yes" and planned a road trip.

Montana is incredibly beautiful, whether or not you are a skier. We took a hike around this lake the morning after we arrived.

Gregg has known the father of the bride since he was in the 5th grade; he has known the bride all of her life, and I've known her since she was a little girl. She and her brother grew up in our small town. We used to go camping in a group each summer with their parents, before everyone had kids and our activities diverged. It was a wonderful opportunity for a reunion.

The day before the wedding there was a bridal shower. In preparation for this event, the bride's cousin organized a cookbook project, asking each guest for contributions of recipes and photographs that would have meaning for the bride. She had them bound into a book; the finished product is a priceless keepsake and practical gift - a great idea!

The wedding was beautiful. The chapel faced the mountain (the heart of a wilderness area where the bride and groom met and fell in love) through large picture windows. Pastor is also a ski instructor, and his words about marriage reflected the deep values of that union, as well as an understanding of this particular couple's love of skiing and the outdoors.

Groom & bride about to drive from chapel to reception

The reception was a blast. Instead of a signing a guestbook, we signed a pair of skis, using permanent markers. We danced, visited with friends, and smiled and laughed until my face hurt. The love between the bride and groom was palpable and contagious - it made everyone happy.

The day after the wedding, we gathered for a barbecue at the bride's parents' suite in the lodge. The weather changed dramatically each day in Big Sky; we had thunderstorms, hail, rain, wind and clear blue skies. The light that particular evening was fantastic.

This is the view from the condominium which we shared with friends. It truly is a big sky in Montana.

Those big buildings are private homes!

We are so thankful to have been invited and able to make this trip. We had a blast!

On the way back from Montana, we stopped with friends at Gem Mountain to pan for raw sapphires. You buy a bucket of mud and rocks, and with them, the chance to find something pretty (or valuable) in the midst. The sapphires are like little agates - most of them are not blue unless you have them heat-treated. We didn't find any large enough to treat or have faceted, but it was fun to look for them...a bit like looking for beach glass - but dirtier, with less walking.

Panning for sapphires is a dirty job, but someone has to do it

We arrived home on Tuesday night. This was the view from the ferry as we crossed Puget Sound on the last leg of the trip.

At the end of the week, our friends who own Grounds for Change Coffee celebrated their company's 10th anniversary with a big party (400 people attended). I volunteered to help with registration, and stayed to join the festivities. They provided coffee, dessert, children's activities and live music. Pizza, sandwiches, beer, wine and soda were available for purchase. The event raised over $6,000 for Kitsap Community Resources, a local charitable organization.

Gregg took this photo of David and me at the GFC party

Yesterday, Gregg and I took a long walk on a beach north of here. We started by the lighthouse at Point No Point (yes, that really is the name) and walked for three hours. It was heavenly - like another birthday, to me. The beach wasn't crowded, once we passed the lighthouse, and the water was warm, which is unusual for Puget Sound.

This huge rock looks a bit like a potato, doesn't it? You can just faintly see Mt. Rainier above it.

This is the view looking back in the direction from which we came. The beach was so pristine that we were able to go barefoot for much of the walk. Walking in the water was like carrying weights - a great workout, refreshing, and it brought back happy memories of wading in the Sound as a child. A perfect day.

The lighthouse is just around the point (Point No Point)

Turn in the other direction and you can see Mt. Rainier in the distance.

I hope that you are finding joy in July, too!

The Good Shepherd

Gregg and I love to walk for exercise. Running is not an option for him due to problems with his back, so we walk instead. We like to explore new places, yet we have favorite routes which we like to repeat. This summer, his employer is offering an incentive to walk a certain distance each day, so we are going to have fun trying to "beat" that number.

After dinner last night, we went to one of our preferred spots and found that the city of Bainbridge Island is utilizing a natural means for dealing with the encroachment of pernicious ivy in this park: they brought in a goatherd and his flock of goats.

This man parks his huge trailer in the lot, and camps there with his dog and herd until the job is done. Let me tell you, those goats are dedicated workers (eaters). When they have stripped one area, he moves the flock (and the portable electric fencing which protects them) to another section of the park.

It is amazing to see them strip the undergrowth. We saw goats climbing trees, butting each other, standing on stumps and fallen trees, eating bark and branches and navigating slopes so steep that it looked as if they would certainly topple over. They are sure-footed, efficient, comical, and noisy.

We stopped to ask questions of the goatherd, and learned a bit about his work. His business is called "Healing Hooves Vegetation Management." It is an alternative to chemical weed-killer - a natural, organic use of a resource in a way that illustrates the old saying, "one man's trash is another man's treasure." It reminded me of a favorite psalm.

"The Lord the Shepherd" (Psalm 23)

"The Lord is my shepherd; I have everything I need [will lack nothing].   

He lets me rest [makes me lie down] in green pastures. 

He leads me to calm [quiet] water. 

He gives me new strength [renews my soul]. 

He leads me on paths that are right [righteous; or straight] for the good [sake] of his name [reputation].  

Even if I walk through a very dark valley [or the shadow of death], I will not be afraid [fear no evil], because you are with me.  

Your rod and your shepherd’s staff comfort me.  

You prepare a meal [table] for me in front [the presence] of my enemies. 

You pour oil of blessing on my head [anoint my head with oil;oil was a means of refreshment in a hot, dry environment];  

you fill my cup to overflowing [make my cup overflow; a cup of blessing].   

Surely your goodness and love [loyalty; mercy] will be with [pursue; follow] me all my life, and I will live in the house of the Lord forever [for length of days]."

Sunset over the calm waters of Rich Passage

Giving Thanks for Thanksgiving

We had a week filled with friends, food and fun. I hope you did, too. Preparing and cleaning up after a week of friends, food and fun takes work, but it is the kind of work that feels good to do.

Gregg was in Europe on a business trip for two weeks just prior to Thanksgiving. David was even able to meet him in Madrid for a long weekend of father & son time. I am so happy and thankful that this worked out! I wanted to accompany them, but to match Gregg's complicated ticket, involving stays in three cities in two different countries was out of our travel budget. Way, way out. So I enjoyed the visit vicariously and through the miracle of Face Time video chats. (Thank you, Apple!)

I have no photos of their time together. I know they exist - in a camera, somewhere in Florence, with David.

On the day before Thanksgiving (David's 20th birthday), he flew to Scotland with a group from G.U. It looks & sounds as if they had a wonderful time. If you can't be at home for your birthday, why not spend it with friends overseas - and maybe throw in a visit to a James Bond film location? They did just that, visiting the Scottish Highlands and taking a photo near the fictional property "Skyfall."

On that same day, Maribeth arrived to help me prepare for our joint family feast. Since my brother and his family needed to switch places with us this year and spend Thanksgiving in Palm Desert with our parents, Gregg and I stayed at home - without David. It was odd. I kept thinking, "I need to pack my suitcase!" because our tradition is to spend this holiday in California with my parents, celebrating David's and my mother's birthdays, along with Thanksgiving. It's a tradition we love, and we have only broken it once in the past decade (in 2006, the year that Katie was in the hospital). So it was extra special to have our beloved friends and their family as our guests on Thanksgiving, while we were missing my parents and David.

We set the table, made the side dishes and caught up on each other's news. The next day, her family and friends arrived, making up a party of 15 (including Gregg and me). We had a wonderful, potluck feast. I wish that more of my photos had turned out well (still hoping for others to share theirs):

Taylor, Jamie, Austin & Alan with MB's famous Strawberry Pretzel "Salad"

We're so thankful that, even though they moved to Kansas, our friends come back to visit as often as they are able!

Over the weekend, Gregg and I tidied up, relaxed, ate too much and finally took ourselves to Port Townsend to hike in the park and have a picnic.

Gregg made awesome turkey-cranberry sandwiches for our picnic

Stopping for a moment to snap a photo

View from the bluffs

View from the bunker at the beach

Barracks (recognize this from "An Officer & A Gentleman"?)

It was a glorious day to be outdoors.

Now, I'm going to make soup, work on blankets for the hospital, catch up on correspondence and start the preparations for Christmas...and send wishes that you will have a great week.