Bloom True, Portland - September, 2015

Courtyard of the Tiny House Caravan Hotel

I've been home for a week from the Bloom True painting workshop in Portland with Flora Bowley. It is hard to find words for it - there are so many words. It was everything I had dreamed it would be, and better.

My own space, for four nights! Everyone should stay in a tiny house, just to re-set your idea of what "enough space" feels like.

Better, because it gave me time alone, in a new situation; the opportunity to go to bed alone in a Tiny House Caravan, wake up alone, reflect on my artistic self, my life, and anything else that arose into consciousness. I spent my days in a gorgeous, light-filled studio, led by an inspired artist, surrounded by unconditional friendliness, painting to my heart's delight.

My heart found delight in painting, for the first time in over 30 years: delight, freedom, pleasure, energy, joy.

New friendships were forged. The students in the workshop (all women - 17 of us) came from all over North America, with various backgrounds and levels of experience - from those who had never painted, to those who teach art.

Each day, I arose early in my tiny "Caboose," made coffee, read, reflected and opened my heart. Readings like this appeared, day by day:

- There is no expected pace for inner learning. What we need to learn comes when we need it, no matter how old or young, no matter how many times we have to start over, no matter how many times we have to learn the same lesson...Our greatest chance to change our life is to close our habits of mind and to open our ever-virgin hearts...The time has come to put our stones down. For hands clutching stones can't freely drum. And hearts fisting the past can't freely sing...stop defining who I am by those who have hurt me...The pain was necessary to know the truth but we don't have to keep the pain alive to keep the truth alive... - Mark Nepo

- Wisdom tells me I am nothing. Love tells me I am everything. Between these two banks the river of my life flows. - Nisargadatta Maharaj

- Perhaps home is not a place but simply an irrevocable condition. - James Baldwin

- The moment we choose to love we begin to move towards freedom, to act in ways that liberate ourselves and others. - Bell Hooks

- Art, myth, and poetry invite us into the transformative world of sacred story. This kind of knowing has the power to change us at the level of the subconscious and intuition because it can open mind, heart, and body simultaneously.  - Richard Rohr

After meditating on these things, I showered in the tiny shower, dressed, and met the group at the curb to catch our ride to Flora's beautiful studio.

Photo credit: Flora Bowley

Photo credit: Flora Bowley (those are my paintings, in progress, on the far right)

Photo credit: Flora Bowley

In the evenings, spent - yet energized - from painting (standing up) all day, some of us went out to explore and found excellent local places to dine. The neighborhood around the Tiny House Caravan was absolutely perfect for blooming artists: filled with small shops, boutiques and restaurants, all brimming with unique goods, rather than touristy trinkets. We talked and laughed, and shared our lives, led far and wide and a world apart, yet connected by the brilliant thread woven through all: art.

Each morning, the readings and reflections which arrived in my in-box were spot-on for where I was in the process (and this is a process). Each night, I wrote with gratitude in my journal. The journal was a gift to Katie for her 12th birthday from a beloved hospital staffer; I had never dared to write in it before, but couldn't part with it. I knew that this was the right time to add my story to it.

In the mornings when we arrived in the studio, we gathered in a circle, and Flora shared a reading, words of wisdom, a ritual, reminder, demonstration or a combination of all of the above. 

Her dog, Pearl, was an important member of the tribe - our resident angel/silent therapist.

On day one of the workshop, Flora had a gift for each of us: a clutch purse made of her design, filled with nurturing goodies like sun tea, lip balm, soap, etc...

Sun tea, hand-made by a wonderful local herbalist

...and she had painted a miniature with a message for each of us. These were lying face down (white side up) on the table, and we were invited to select any one, turn it over, and receive its message. This one was mine:

...perfect for someone who was blocked for years, after making a serious study of art in college.

As I painted under Flora's gentle guidance and tutorials, I began to see deeply into myself. I began to let go and find new freedom. I enjoyed the encouragement and camaraderie of others who were undergoing the same process of stepping out in faith and wonder, doing their best, liking/not liking the results, and beginning again, over and over, moment by moment.

One of the things I love best about Flora's process is that we can begin again, at any moment. I have never experienced this wisdom in other art classes. Titanium White, or any color of opaque paint, can render the most awkward area of a painting (or an entire canvas) completely new and fresh again. It is never too late; no painting is beyond redemption. And they can be turned - any side can be "up." For example, a painting can evolve from this

my new studio space at home

to this

 to this,

and still be unfinished. We don't have to know "where it's going," don't have to think it through or impose a destination or meaning upon it. We can allow it to emerge in its own way and time, naturally.

 We were offered delicious, healthy, beautiful snacks each day, laid out under this window; a morning yoga session with artist/yogi Lynzee Lynx; an evening pizza-wine-and-painting session. I could have stayed for months, rather than days.

Flora's exercises and demonstrations were fun, challenging and exciting. Her demo painting went through many phases; here are a few of them:

Lots of freedom and fun from very the beginning

Then, unifying...

...unifying with shape and color

...adding some "POP" with color

Flora teaching us - such a gentle, wise, spiritual, experienced, full-hearted soul!

Fun with lines and shapes

Some "Brave, Intuitive" changes - and turns of the canvas

This is where she stopped - pure gorgeousness!

Detail of one of my favorite areas of Flora's canvas

When I arrived at home, I shared my work in progress (because my paintings are not finished yet) with Gregg and my parents.

Last day in Flora's studio: my work in progress

I shared the process with them, as well; I could see that it was all a bit radical to them, but they were delighted in my happiness and progress. Gregg was so engaged that he immediately helped me to set up a studio in our house - so now, I am continuing to paint at home.

"Bloom True" is one of the greatest gifts I've received in my life, for which I am hugely thankful. It has moved a block behind which I was stuck for over 30 years. I knew intuitively (by grace) that Flora was the right teacher for me, and am now enrolling in her "Bloom True" e-course to help me keep going. I don't know where any of this will lead, but it is taking me into more freedom, joy and full-heartedness, and that is enough. To Flora, Anya, Katie and my fellow Bloom True tribe members, thank you for being part of this joyous journey! I love you and will never forget our time together.

Blooming True

"When it is dark enough, you can see the stars." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I awoke early this morning, while it was still dark, to see a star so bright that I wondered if it was an airplane approaching. Observing it for a few moments, I saw that it wasn't moving toward the airport - it appeared to stationary, twinkling and shining right at me. I thought: Katie.

As I watched it shine, other stars appeared nearby - bright, but not as large and brilliant as the first. They brought to mind our beloved friend Diane, who passed away ten years ago this month. For many days after her passing, I noted a similar star in the Eastern sky, which reminded me of her beautiful soul.

"Catastrophe is the essence of the spiritual path, a series of breakdowns allowing us to discover the threads that weave all of life into a whole cloth." - Roshi Joan Halifax

This has been a difficult summer. We have had glorious, sunny weather as well as joys and blessings in the mix, but it has been very, very hard at the same time. I'm thankful that things are beginning to lighten and improve; it has been dark, things have broken down, but I am beginning to see the stars and the threads mentioned in the two quotes above.

"What we need to learn comes when we need it, no matter how old or young, no matter how many times we have to start over...We fall down as many times as we need to, to learn how to fall and get up...No one really likes this, of course, but we deal with our dislike in the same way, again and again, until we learn what we need to know about the humility of acceptance." - Mark Nepo

I'm about to embark on a great adventure. It's one I have dreamed about for several years, awaiting the right time. Because of this courageous, talented and adventurous heart, a blogger who wrote about taking a life-changing course, a dream was sparked in me. Today, I am going on a journey to take a four-day course in painting called "Bloom True" with Flora Bowley.

I majored in Fine Art (with an emphasis upon watercolor painting). I had the privilege of traveling to England to study, and took courses at colleges in the U.S. designed to refine my skills. I love all things creative, artistic and crafty, but I have been "blocked" as a painter for over 30 years. 

I do not paint. I stand before a canvas, and my hands are "mute."

The critique process during my years of college could be called "interesting" and "educational," but for me, it was a savage experience of public humiliation, and it shattered my confidence, as well as any desire to try again. There was some praise thrown in, but I only heard - and took in - the criticism.*

We were taught a structured approach, but I could never seem to rein in my passion while I painted. I always tended to overdo something, and couldn't master the controlled, cerebral way that painting was taught in that school. The urge to let go, and let it all out on the heavy-duty watercolor paper was powerful - I was 20 years old, and overflowing with emotions - but this didn't fit the mold, or the medium. The result was weekly, public criticism for the way I expressed myself artistically. I believe this is a very unwise way to treat artists (and so does Julia Cameron, author of The Artist's Way), but that was the process of teaching where I studied. 

Photo credit: Anya Hankin, Bloom True

Tomorrow, I will stand before a blank canvas and begin again, in an environment of support and kindness. I will learn to trust my artistic intuition in a new way, and I am profoundly grateful to my family for supporting me on this journey. 

*I'm deeply thankful for my liberal arts education as a whole, and do not consider it wasted in any way. Perhaps I would have been happier in interior or graphic design, but these were not offered where I studied, and they were considered lesser art forms (art for commerce), so (being a young and impressionable) I didn't pursue them.

WORD SOUP, Strolls, the SFDWG, and BIG News

I have so much to tell you that I awoke early this morning, excited to write about it.

I took a weekend trip to Victoria, B.C. with my beloved "Sh*tty First Draft Writing Group." We had a blast, staying in a Victorian duplex belonging to a friend of Reba's. We talked and listened, laughed and cried, ate, drank, enjoyed live music and walked for many miles. We didn't do as much writing as I had anticipated, but what we did was perfect. It is therapeutic to go away with friends and just BE.

Robin and Reba at the Blue Fox Cafe

Teri, Reba and Stefanie at the Irish Times Pub

Robin and me at the Irish Times

Dessert at The Snug, the pub at the Oak Bay Beach Hotel

The five of us at the Snug

I'm leading my WORD SOUP workshop this month for Field's End, every Tuesday night at the Kitsap Regional Library branch in Poulsbo. We have had two sessions, so we are at the halfway point, and it is magical to see the talent, generosity and enthusiasm of the participants. We are nearly bursting at the seams, and it is gratifying to see so many people excited about the craft of writing, all ages encouraging each other and surprising themselves in what they produce. I enjoy leading the group, and writing with them. More about that later...

The spring Stroll for Well-Being at the Bloedel Reserve is also at the halfway mark. On Monday, I facilitated two sessions (morning and afternoon), and was blessed by the group members' sharing of what the strolls have given them. Their experiences certainly prove that the program increases one's well-being.

I love the Reserve, the house and the program so much that at times, it is a little bit difficult to believe that I get to work in such a beautiful environment, and am paid to do it.

The summer session of the Strolls will begin on June 23rd, with the creator and founder of the program, Ruth McCaffrey, here from Florida to kick it off (and me as her co-facilitator). There is still space available in the summer session, and it's free! You'll receive a beautiful journal containing all of the information you need so that you may enjoy the beneficial effects of this program. It is comprised of 12 themed strolls, taken at your own pace, on your own time, during 12 weeks of summer. Contact ejennings@bloedelreserve.org to reserve your place!

The BIG news here is that David is about to begin a new job! He will be moving to Montana (one of his dreams) to work at the Yellowstone Club. Though we love having him with us, we are thrilled for this next phase of his life's adventure, and can hardly wait to visit, once he is settled.

For these gifts (and so much more), I give thanks to God!

Precious Days

My mom and I had the pleasure and privilege of traveling once again to Rancho La Puerta in Tecate, Mexico for a week of wellness, spending lots of time together, as well as following our favorite individual pursuits. It was the perfect blend of time to reflect, exercise, learn new things, deepen practices, refresh our bodies from the inside (with organic foods and balanced nutrition) to the outside (with fresh air, walking, hiking, yoga and meditation, among other classes).

We serendipitously met (and reunited with) fabulous, fascinating people, finding our second time to be more sociable than our first - perhaps that was due to our greater familiarity with the place. We shared the same lovely casita as we did last year, lighting fires in the evenings and talking, resting and reading in our little "home away from home." I enjoyed self-treating with Reiki every day, before heading out to hike at 6:10 A.M. I could so easily imagine settling there...

We both thrived at the Rancho, and are already looking forward to returning next year (if possible, by the grace of God). Gregg spent the days golfing, playing tennis, watching polo and lounging with my father in California.

We flew down via San Diego so that we could meet KBL2ORD2SAN and her belovED. Mom and I met her at the airport last year, but this year, our husbands got to join us. What a thrill, after being blogging buddies for so many years, to finally be all together "in real life!" We had a long, leisurely lunch, and left still bursting with things to talk about. Until next time...

Driving from San Diego to the Coachella Valley was a beautiful experience to share with Gregg. As we crested the top of the last hill on Highway 74, the valley unfolded before us at sunset.

Unfortunately, while we were away, my dear mother-in-law, Elaine, suffered a stroke. Elaine is 93 years old - in fact, the stroke occurred at her birthday party - and has for several years suffered from memory loss. She has been telling us for the past couple of years that she doesn't know why she is still here - she says it matter-of-factly, without self-pity or complaint.

Elaine and Ed Gerstenberger, "back in the day"

When the stroke occurred, she became paralyzed on her left side and was unable to swallow. Hospice was called, and she was moved to a nursing home with a dismal prognosis. But her miraculous body has recovered enough for her to swallow soft foods. She is sleeping a lot, but can recognize us and speak a few words at a time. We are hoping that she will be able to move back to the assisted living facility where she and Grandpa Ed normally reside, into a nursing-care unit. As for now, it is day-by-day, with lots of family in attendance, sitting by her bedside and driving Grandpa back and forth to see her. Fortunately, they raised four wonderful kids (now adults, with families of their own) who love her deeply, and are all doing their best to care for her and Grandpa.

These are precious days, indeed.

A Lovely Fall Weekend

We had a beautiful weekend, after a week of intermittent rain showers heralded the end of summer.

Gregg and I took a drive up to one of our favorite towns and visited their farmers' market. It was the perfect day to do so.

The flowers and vegetables were radiant with color, especially brilliant in the early autumn light.

We bought organic vegetables for our dinner, and a couple of freshly-baked snacks to eat then and there. We sat down to enjoy some live music while we ate. A farmer's market can be a great place for local people-watching.

I am having a lot of fun playing with photos on Instagram. It is an easy-to-use application which brings out the best in simple digital photos which have been taken on a phone.

After listening to a few songs, we walked through town, admiring gardens, cottages, and grand houses adorned with Victorian ornamental details. We took in the view of the sea from uptown, then walked down to the docks to enjoy the variety of boats afloat on crystal-clear water. We breathed in the fresh air, window-shopped, and bought locally-made gifts, then stopped for a cup of freshly-brewed coffee and a slice of homemade pie.

On our way home, we stopped by another small harbor town and walked along the shoreline, soaking up the late-afternoon sunshine and admiring the variety of boats in the marina. It was a perfect date.

I'm glad that after more than 23 years of marriage (including a lot of life's ups and downs), we still love to go on dates together. I don't take Gregg's excellent company for granted. He is quite entertaining, in addition to being solid, intelligent, interesting, loving and true.

Last night, we joined my parents in their home for dinner with friends.

 We had some great laughs together.

 I love that photograph - my mom is out of control with hilarity!

Employment, etc.

This is Eagle Harbor on Bainbridge Island, WA, NOT New England - but it sure resembles the photos that David is sending!

David is working as a deckhand for American Cruise Lines, along the New England coast. This company operates small cruise ships in United States' waters, including rivers and coastal areas. He is learning and putting in a lot of hours, on the decks, at the helm (under the captain's and mate's supervision), driving the launch and standing gangway watch. I can't think of many jobs better suited to a young man just out of college (who has worked four summers on a local cruise line) than this one. We are happy and proud of him for taking on this adventurous job, as he continues to look for a permanent one in his field of study (criminal justice, with a minor in business).

Another reason that we are happy for David is the fact that his senior thesis has been published in the Journal of Law and Criminal Justice. It was interesting to me that his class was structured so that each thesis was written cooperatively (they worked in pairs). David and his writing partner functioned well as a team, and their professor thought so highly of the completed work that she suggested they submit it for publication. With a few suggested edits/additions from her, they did; it was accepted - and we just received the happy news. I hope that this will help a potential employer to see beyond the online resume and forms which are standard in the job market today.

It seems so difficult to communicate who you are, using electronic application forms! Back in the day, I enjoyed creating a resume and cover letter - selecting fonts and formatting, deciding which paper to use - and enjoyed the interview process, too. But nowadays, how do human resources decision-makers differentiate one from all of the others, when so much is done electronically? My heart goes out to young graduates - to all job-seekers - in this electronic age!

We've had a gorgeous, sunny summer, during which I've continued to study the Artist's Way. Every morning, I get up and write - longhand, per the instructions - and do the exercises, sitting outdoors, whenever possible.

I'm not the only one who likes to sit on the deck, but at least I don't sit on the picnic table - Liger does.

In addition to being filled with wisdom and challenging ideas, the book and its exercises are bringing up a lot of information from within me, including unrealized truths and dreams that I have not dared to voice. I would recommend the Artist's Way to anyone who is willing to devote time and honest attention to it, even if each chapter takes longer than just a week. Due to our vacation, taking care of my back and now a root canal procedure, I am going at my own pace, but the timing doesn't matter. The book is blessing me, and it is worth taking the time to do the work thoroughly rather than at an arbitrary pace. Thanks for reminding about it, Shelby!

I learned this week that Field's End Writers' Community would like me to offer WORD SOUP© again in 2015. I am thrilled, and already looking forward to it.

Speaking of Field's End, if you live in this area, please visit the website and consider attending one of the classes or events that are being offered! For example: an evening with bestselling author and editor Ann Hood as she presents "Knitting the Arts Together,”  leading a troupe of actors in reading excerpts from Knitting Yarns: Writers on Knitting. The event will take place on Saturday, October 18th from 7:00 to 9:00 PM, at the Bainbridge Island Museum of Art Auditorium, at 550 Winslow Way East (the corner of 305 & Winslow—walk up from the ferry).