Ugly, Wonderful Feet

We've just returned from a few days away. As you may know, this is a hard time of year for me. Eight years ago, we sat with Katie as she traveled from this life into the next, right in the room above where I sit typing this now. I find that it's best for me to be out of the house on the anniversary of that day.

This year was one of the hardest, for a variety of reasons (which I'm not going to detail just now). Suffice it to say that I am grateful that August 16th has passed; grateful that we were able to go to a place where my heart knows it is safe, where body, mind and spirit can rest.

The wild west coast of Vancouver Island sings to my soul. My soul knows its song, as if I was born there, or arose from some of the same atoms of creation. It feels like home.

 David flew in to be with us. It was lovely to share a few days off with him.

We walked and walked the shores of the island. Most days, we walked more than eight miles, and one day, more than nine; nine miles of walking barefoot in the sand, in the salty air and sunshine, with a light breeze caressing me. Nothing separated me from the heartbeat of the earth. It was good therapy.

When we returned from that 9-mile walk, I saw that the bottoms of my feet were indigo. A deep, dark blue stained them, yet there had been no trace of blue in the sand. Last year, we saw a huge number of indigo-colored sea creatures which had blown onto the shore, and I wondered if this stain on my feet was a residue of their appearance. No answer to that; just blue feet for about 24 hours. After several washings, the blue disappeared.

My feet have never been beautiful; I have funny-looking, tiny pinky toes and odd, clumsily-shaped large ones. The nails must be painted or you'd never know they were "girls' feet." I have had mixed feelings about them for years, thinking that they are "ugly."

Today, though, I know that they are beautiful; they can carry me nine-plus miles, bare, feeling the sand underneath, the salt, the stones and shells and all that makes up the surface of Mother Earth. Thank you, "ugly," wonderful feet, for solidly supporting me through this life. May you be blessed and healthy, able to carry me through the rest of my days.

My Happy Place

We took a vacation. It was grand.

I'm taking longer than usual to get back to our "normal" life, because I have a pinched nerve in my neck. (If you know me well, or even know me on facebook, you'll be aware that I do NOT write about aches, pains, viruses or day-to-day illness, out of respect for others, particularly those who suffer from really serious conditions.)

This has been going on for several weeks, since before we left for Canada, and has prevented me from writing or reading for any length of time. That's why I've been absent from here, and from reading your blogs. All these weeks, I have been itching to read and write, so here I am, with my laptop perched on two large cushions so as not to irritate my neck.

It is good to be away from home on the anniversary of Katie's passing. As the day approaches, I worry that if I am in our house, I will walk by the door of her room, go in, and re-live her death, moment by moment. I realize that I don't have do that, but feel helpless to stop myself. It takes an annual effort to resist re-living the entire month preceding her passing. So I planned our vacation to take us away over the day it happened, and it went well.

The best way to tell you about it is in photographs...they really are worth a thousand words.

That's Gregg and David in the distance. We walked for hours and had a picnic lunch on this beach - my favorite place to hike

My friend Teri calls this a "God-circle" - shining on Incinerator Rock. I saw more than one of these on this trip

Surfers love this cove

David finally talked us into doing something we have been resisting (for reasons of economy) for several years: taking a seaplane trip to Hot Springs Cove. It was a blast.

My father used to fly a single-engine retractable (landing gear) plane called a Mooney 201, so I love small planes, but have never been in a seaplane before. Gregg has, but David and I had not. This trip included a hike out through old-growth forest on a beautifully-maintained boardwalk to three, natural hot spring pools. Gregg and David carried our lunch, water, towels and a change of clothes.

If you thought you saw this in the slideshow,

you did. 

We were stunned to come across it on our hike out to the cove. 

It felt like a love-message from our girl.

We saw thousands of these (known as "sail jellyfish," though they are not jellyfish), which rarely come ashore,

and we saw Spiderman's underpants, on the sidewalk in Victoria. If you see him, beware - he's going commando!

We stopped at a tiny winery to buy a couple of bottles of their excellent wines which are unavailable in the U.S. This is the Venturi-Schultze Brandenburg #3 dessert wine, and I highly recommend it - particularly if you accompany it with a serving of sticky date-toffee pudding.

We took beautiful walks through the countryside and city.

Community garden in James Bay neighborhood

We ate fabulous food and met interesting, fun, kindhearted people. We spent time together as a family, just the three of us. It was pure joy.

Spoiler alert: this might be our Christmas card.

Whenever we visit, I feel as if I want to move to Vancouver Island - for good. It is my "happy place," so while we're always glad to be home, we had a heavenly vacation. And I felt Katie's presence in so many lovely ways that it was easy not to grieve for her - even on the 16th.

Thanks to all of you who sent messages, thoughts and love during this time. I deeply appreciate it, and want you to know that we are well...and happy.

Vacation, The 16th and a New Website

We've just come home from vacation. We were in Canada with my brother, sister-in-law, my nephew and his girlfriend. It was heavenly (apart from the weather - and I'm not complaining).

I look forward to this trip all year long, because I LOVE British Columbia - and Canadians. Whenever we go across the border, I think, "I could live here." It just feels like home. We spent one night in Victoria, four nights up-island in Tofino and our last night back in Victoria. Tofino is a five-hour drive from Victoria, which is about 3 hours from our home, and we've found that it's a good idea to break up the trip. In addition, we never get tired of exploring Victoria, so any time we spend there is a pleasure. The flowers in town were gorgeous.

We took a hike in East Sooke Regional Park on the first day. We like to hike the coastal trail from Aylard Farm up to Beechey Head, and back through the woods. After the hike, we headed back to the hotel to freshen up and change for dinner.

Looking toward the Olympic Mountains across the Strait of Juan de Fuca

I love this image of the two iPhone photographers, back-to-back, taking panoramas

My parents are so thoughtful; every time we make this trip, they give us the gift of a dinner out. We took their gift to Cafe Brio, and decided to have the Family Meal - six dishes chosen by the chef, served family style. What a delicious feast - everyone was thrilled with every dish!

David, me, Gregg, Caroline, Jim, Phil & Rachel

The next day, we took a walk and then headed north through beautiful countryside to the wild west coast of Vancouver Island and Pacific Rim National Park. We saw two bears by the side of the road as we drove along the coast.

Gathering before dinner on our first night up north

David, Phil & Rachel

A long beach hike on the day it didn't rain INCHES. Some of those tiny figures on top of the rock are Jim, Phil & David.

Hungry? It's time for a "little darlin' " (a snack, packed from the lodge)

A game of frisbee is always welcome

A little rest after lunch

Dinner at the Wild Side

More of the group at the Wild Side - the best fish and chips ANYwhere!

We planned the dates of this trip so that we would be in Canada on August 16th. We have always been at home on the anniversary of Katie's passing, but this year, I thought it would be a good idea to be away. Tofino is the place to which we retreated after Katie's memorial service six years ago, and it was a place we had enjoyed as a family, before she got sick. It is a place where I feel at peace and at home. It was the right place to be.

Before we left home, my friend Robin gave each of us in the Sh*tty First Draft Writing Group the gift of a yarzheit candle. August and September hold the dates when three of our children passed away (the other two are in January and June), as well as some of our group's birthdays, so we are entering a tender time. The Jewish tradition is to light this candle at sundown on the night before the anniversary of a loved one's death. I packed the candle in my bag and lit it on the evening of the 15th. There are prayers and Bible verses which you can say when you light it, but it is not required.

It burned for nearly 24 hours, and brought warmth and light into the darkest day of the year. Thank you, Robin! I want to do this every year from now on. It was a real comfort.

We drank a toast to Katie before dinner on the 16th, ate my favorite food (fresh Dungeness crab) and talked a bit about her.

I'm not a food blogger, but please! This meal was incredible. Roasted asparagus, tomato and avocado salad, Caesar salad, homemade focaccia, risotto with peas, all the crab you could eat (with drawn butter and a finger bowl) AND dessert.

It was a gentle day - thoughtful, but not mournful. I did not spend it reviewing and re-living the day of Katie's death, hour by hour, as I have tended to do in the past. Being with family who knew and loved Katie provided solace and community. Hearing from friends and family online provided comfort and a warmth that I had not expected. Thanks to each one who wrote to us; I never expect people to remember the date, but when they do, it is very sweet.

When we went to our cabin to get ready for bed that night, the candle had burned all the way down. It was somehow just the right timing.

We explored many of our favorite beaches and trails, did a lot of walking in the rain, read, played games, talked, read more, sat by the fire, slept and ate well. One day it rained three inches - IN ONE DAY, in August. I'm not griping- we knew that were next to a rain forest - but this has never happened to us before, in any of the seven years we have made this trip. It did not in any way ruin the vacation, but it was a surprise.

Back in Victoria, in a Scottish pub which had live music and a couple of dozen beers on tap

A toast to a wonderful vacation

Lastly, I have an announcement: I have created a new website. The address is: www.karengerstenberger.com
It is still "under construction," and was launched today. Please stop by, take a look around, and leave any constructive comments you have about it here. I'm just learning how to build it, and want it to be the best it can be.

Victoria-Tofino 2010

We just got home from 5 days and nights on Vancouver Island, B.C.

We love being there!

British Columbia is a place with a pace that we enjoy, and some of the most unspoiled coastline I've ever seen. The people are kind, the food is excellent, and the weather is unpredictable.

When we're on vacation, we spend lots of hours exploring on foot.
We took a ferry from Port Angeles, WA to Victoria, B.C. and spent a night there. The first thing we did after clearing customs in Victoria was drive to Sooke Regional Park and take a hike. It's one of our favorite places.

David loves climbing on the rocks and cliffs.

After checking in to our hotel and cleaning up, we walked through town and found a restaurant that was agreeable to all of us: Il Terrazzo. Dinner was delicious, and the walk back to the hotel felt good.

The following morning, Gregg and I got up and took a walk while David slept in a bit. We made the 5-hour drive north to Tofino, a fishing and surfing town on the wild west coast of the island.  As we were making the drive north and west, through mountain and forest areas, past old-growth stands of timber, a river, lakes and rain forest, the temperatures veered wildly, from the 60s to the upper 80s, and back down to the low 70s. It felt like a typical day in menopause, but all three of us were experiencing it!

Our favorite lodge is adjacent to Tofino, the Pacific Rim National Park and Clayoquot Sound; we like to rent a cabin there. These are views of our one-bedroom, one-bath-plus-sleeping-loft cabin. It has a woodstove, a small table and chairs and a galley-style kitchen. David climbs the ladder to get up to the sleeping loft.

Here is Gregg, on the deck of the cabin.

You can see that the weather was misty and gray.

It stayed this way a majority of the time, and one day, it even POURED rain.

Here's a little contrast for you: misty...

and the same view, in the sunshine.

It was sunny like this for about two hours, one day.

I'm not kidding.

The lodge has plenty of slickers and rain boots to lend, in case you forget to bring yours on your vacation in AUGUST.

David and me on the deck of the main lodge, where we gathered with other guests for breakfast each morning and dinner each evening, and heard German and French being spoken, as well as English accents. (The lodge attracts people from all over the world.)

A view of the dining room.

Prior to dinner, appetizers are served. The food is local, delicious and FRESH. We had locally-caught halibut one night, salmon the following evening, and Dungeness crab the next. There were 3 salads, fresh bread and polenta, potatoes or risotto with dinner, each evening - and dessert and coffee. 

Not a good place to be on a diet, but there is plenty to do to get your exercise each day.

Gregg and David playing "Battleship" in a cozy corner of the living room in the main lodge, after dinner. They also played "foosball."

I think they got tired of posing for me.

We hiked for miles on the coast. The beaches are so sandy and pristine that you can go barefoot.

Gregg and David on rocks at Combers Beach.

Vancouver Island is rugged and beautiful. There have been dozens of shipwrecks along this coast, and if you spend any time there, you will know why.

The beauty of sealife in a tide pool.

For some reason, David wanted to disturb this enormous flock of seagulls. He did it on his own, and then talked me into joining him - both of us ran straight into the gathered birds. Gregg took these photos of us.

Doesn't David look a bit like a seagull here?

We rented beach cruiser bikes, and rode along the shore and bike paths, to town and back (about 14 kilometres). We had lunch at a cafe in Tofino. David rode even farther, while Gregg and I took a walk on Chesterman Beach.

Due to forest fires on the mainland, on our first night in Tofino, we saw this dramatic pink sunset.

After three days in Tofino, we made the trip back down to Victoria. Gregg and I walked a few miles around town to stretch our legs, while David went swimming at the hotel.

The next morning when we awoke, the sun was out.

This is a view of Fisherman's Wharf in Victoria, just a few blocks from our hotel.

We love to take the boardwalk and trails from the hotel in James Bay, and walk along the beach paths, around town, up to Beacon Hill Park, to the shopping district, etc.

 This is the view from the Coho ferry as we left Victoria's Inner Harbour and departed for home.

I love B.C., and the city of Victoria! After many years of visiting the city, we are still discovering new places and things to do. It was great to be together as a family, without the distractions of work and daily chores. Being mindful of friends who are living with enormous health issues, of caregivers and those for whom they tenderly care, I felt deeply thankful to be able to enjoy walking and seeing the beauty and variety around me.

Now that we're home, the guys are back at work, and I am washing clothes, cleaning, catching up on correspondence - and looking forward to catching up with all of you!