My Happy Place

We took a vacation. It was grand.

I'm taking longer than usual to get back to our "normal" life, because I have a pinched nerve in my neck. (If you know me well, or even know me on facebook, you'll be aware that I do NOT write about aches, pains, viruses or day-to-day illness, out of respect for others, particularly those who suffer from really serious conditions.)

This has been going on for several weeks, since before we left for Canada, and has prevented me from writing or reading for any length of time. That's why I've been absent from here, and from reading your blogs. All these weeks, I have been itching to read and write, so here I am, with my laptop perched on two large cushions so as not to irritate my neck.

It is good to be away from home on the anniversary of Katie's passing. As the day approaches, I worry that if I am in our house, I will walk by the door of her room, go in, and re-live her death, moment by moment. I realize that I don't have do that, but feel helpless to stop myself. It takes an annual effort to resist re-living the entire month preceding her passing. So I planned our vacation to take us away over the day it happened, and it went well.

The best way to tell you about it is in photographs...they really are worth a thousand words.

That's Gregg and David in the distance. We walked for hours and had a picnic lunch on this beach - my favorite place to hike

My friend Teri calls this a "God-circle" - shining on Incinerator Rock. I saw more than one of these on this trip

Surfers love this cove

David finally talked us into doing something we have been resisting (for reasons of economy) for several years: taking a seaplane trip to Hot Springs Cove. It was a blast.

My father used to fly a single-engine retractable (landing gear) plane called a Mooney 201, so I love small planes, but have never been in a seaplane before. Gregg has, but David and I had not. This trip included a hike out through old-growth forest on a beautifully-maintained boardwalk to three, natural hot spring pools. Gregg and David carried our lunch, water, towels and a change of clothes.

If you thought you saw this in the slideshow,

you did. 

We were stunned to come across it on our hike out to the cove. 

It felt like a love-message from our girl.

We saw thousands of these (known as "sail jellyfish," though they are not jellyfish), which rarely come ashore,

and we saw Spiderman's underpants, on the sidewalk in Victoria. If you see him, beware - he's going commando!

We stopped at a tiny winery to buy a couple of bottles of their excellent wines which are unavailable in the U.S. This is the Venturi-Schultze Brandenburg #3 dessert wine, and I highly recommend it - particularly if you accompany it with a serving of sticky date-toffee pudding.

We took beautiful walks through the countryside and city.

Community garden in James Bay neighborhood

We ate fabulous food and met interesting, fun, kindhearted people. We spent time together as a family, just the three of us. It was pure joy.

Spoiler alert: this might be our Christmas card.

Whenever we visit, I feel as if I want to move to Vancouver Island - for good. It is my "happy place," so while we're always glad to be home, we had a heavenly vacation. And I felt Katie's presence in so many lovely ways that it was easy not to grieve for her - even on the 16th.

Thanks to all of you who sent messages, thoughts and love during this time. I deeply appreciate it, and want you to know that we are well...and happy.

Welcome, 2014

I confess that I was happy to see the end of 2013. It was not the best year of my life, but it was certainly full of opportunities to learn and grow.

We celebrated Christmas with our family/extended family/friends at our house - about 30 of us - sharing appetizers and dessert. The over-17 crowd played "Cards Against Humanity" after all of the young ones had gone home, and we gathered around a bonfire on the beach when it was dark and very late.

Welcoming friends and family into our home is one of my favorite things to do, and this year, we had the pleasure of having Andrea and Mike spend the night here. Next morning, we made pancakes for breakfast and invited friends to join us. It was a great way to keep the Christmas spirit going.

It's especially fun when David brings his friends from college home to join us. We hosted dinner on New Year's Eve before the young men took off to meet friends in Seattle. After New Year's, we packed the car and headed up to Whistler, B.C. with my brother, sister-in-law and nephew for four days of cold-weather fun. I'm not a skier, but I have grown to love visiting Whistler.

View of Blackcomb mountain from the condo

We rent a condominium which has three or four bedrooms, depending upon the size of our crowd, and the skiers have a blast. I hike or walk through the lowlands and soak up the quiet. We go out for dinner, play games (more "Cards Against Humanity"), talk, watch movies and just enjoy being together. It's a special treat to spend time with our nephew, Phil, who lives in California.

View between Blackcomb & Whistler mountains

My job is to drive everyone to and from the mountain each day. Sometimes this involves four trips, but I don't mind at all; I get to drive my SIL's snazzy car (even though I'm not a car aficionado, and only drive at about 25 MPH in the village - it's still fun).

David asked me to ride the gondola up and meet them for lunch on the mountain on their last skiing day; the lift tickets are pricey, but I was delighted that he asked, so I went to the base of Whistler mountain and rode the gondola to mid-mountain, where the huge day-lodge offers all kinds of lunch options. It was gorgeous, and I loved the holiday atmosphere. There were people of every age, from tiny toddlers to folks past retirement age, and from everywhere you can imagine - Whistler attracts an international crowd.

Everyone is in such a good mood at a ski resort - everyone except Gregg, who was mad at me for insisting (after years of respectful, polite asking) that he finally buy and wear a ski helmet. But we got over that little hurdle, and all is well.

View from the lodge, mid-mountain

There is a gondola which travels from Whistler mountain to Blackcomb mountain over a deep valley. It is a breathtaking ride, and totally worth the price of the ticket. I had never ridden the Peak-to-Peak before, so David took time away from skiing to ride over and back with me. What a nice guy!

View from the Peak-to-Peak gondola - Fitzsimmons Creek, between Whistler & Blackcomb peaks

We enjoyed excellent meals in restaurants, both casual and casual-elegant.

At the Rim Rock Cafe

At the Whistler Brew House

The day after we returned, I went to the University of Washington's Medical School and spoke on a panel to 2nd-year students about family-centered care. I had the privilege to serve on another panel two days later, focusing on health-care providers' grief. It is challenging and invigorating work, but I am happy to do it.

Now, I'm shredding old papers and getting my house in order. 2014 is off to a happy beginning for us, and I hope the same is true for you!

Vacation, The 16th and a New Website

We've just come home from vacation. We were in Canada with my brother, sister-in-law, my nephew and his girlfriend. It was heavenly (apart from the weather - and I'm not complaining).

I look forward to this trip all year long, because I LOVE British Columbia - and Canadians. Whenever we go across the border, I think, "I could live here." It just feels like home. We spent one night in Victoria, four nights up-island in Tofino and our last night back in Victoria. Tofino is a five-hour drive from Victoria, which is about 3 hours from our home, and we've found that it's a good idea to break up the trip. In addition, we never get tired of exploring Victoria, so any time we spend there is a pleasure. The flowers in town were gorgeous.

We took a hike in East Sooke Regional Park on the first day. We like to hike the coastal trail from Aylard Farm up to Beechey Head, and back through the woods. After the hike, we headed back to the hotel to freshen up and change for dinner.

Looking toward the Olympic Mountains across the Strait of Juan de Fuca

I love this image of the two iPhone photographers, back-to-back, taking panoramas

My parents are so thoughtful; every time we make this trip, they give us the gift of a dinner out. We took their gift to Cafe Brio, and decided to have the Family Meal - six dishes chosen by the chef, served family style. What a delicious feast - everyone was thrilled with every dish!

David, me, Gregg, Caroline, Jim, Phil & Rachel

The next day, we took a walk and then headed north through beautiful countryside to the wild west coast of Vancouver Island and Pacific Rim National Park. We saw two bears by the side of the road as we drove along the coast.

Gathering before dinner on our first night up north

David, Phil & Rachel

A long beach hike on the day it didn't rain INCHES. Some of those tiny figures on top of the rock are Jim, Phil & David.

Hungry? It's time for a "little darlin' " (a snack, packed from the lodge)

A game of frisbee is always welcome

A little rest after lunch

Dinner at the Wild Side

More of the group at the Wild Side - the best fish and chips ANYwhere!

We planned the dates of this trip so that we would be in Canada on August 16th. We have always been at home on the anniversary of Katie's passing, but this year, I thought it would be a good idea to be away. Tofino is the place to which we retreated after Katie's memorial service six years ago, and it was a place we had enjoyed as a family, before she got sick. It is a place where I feel at peace and at home. It was the right place to be.

Before we left home, my friend Robin gave each of us in the Sh*tty First Draft Writing Group the gift of a yarzheit candle. August and September hold the dates when three of our children passed away (the other two are in January and June), as well as some of our group's birthdays, so we are entering a tender time. The Jewish tradition is to light this candle at sundown on the night before the anniversary of a loved one's death. I packed the candle in my bag and lit it on the evening of the 15th. There are prayers and Bible verses which you can say when you light it, but it is not required.

It burned for nearly 24 hours, and brought warmth and light into the darkest day of the year. Thank you, Robin! I want to do this every year from now on. It was a real comfort.

We drank a toast to Katie before dinner on the 16th, ate my favorite food (fresh Dungeness crab) and talked a bit about her.

I'm not a food blogger, but please! This meal was incredible. Roasted asparagus, tomato and avocado salad, Caesar salad, homemade focaccia, risotto with peas, all the crab you could eat (with drawn butter and a finger bowl) AND dessert.

It was a gentle day - thoughtful, but not mournful. I did not spend it reviewing and re-living the day of Katie's death, hour by hour, as I have tended to do in the past. Being with family who knew and loved Katie provided solace and community. Hearing from friends and family online provided comfort and a warmth that I had not expected. Thanks to each one who wrote to us; I never expect people to remember the date, but when they do, it is very sweet.

When we went to our cabin to get ready for bed that night, the candle had burned all the way down. It was somehow just the right timing.

We explored many of our favorite beaches and trails, did a lot of walking in the rain, read, played games, talked, read more, sat by the fire, slept and ate well. One day it rained three inches - IN ONE DAY, in August. I'm not griping- we knew that were next to a rain forest - but this has never happened to us before, in any of the seven years we have made this trip. It did not in any way ruin the vacation, but it was a surprise.

Back in Victoria, in a Scottish pub which had live music and a couple of dozen beers on tap

A toast to a wonderful vacation

Lastly, I have an announcement: I have created a new website. The address is: www.karengerstenberger.com
It is still "under construction," and was launched today. Please stop by, take a look around, and leave any constructive comments you have about it here. I'm just learning how to build it, and want it to be the best it can be.

Happy Nearly-Summer

Flowers on Fjord Street

Happy nearly-summer to you!

It has been so busy around here that, though I often think, "I want to write about that," I haven't been able to stop and jot down any reflections. These days, my writing is done for class. What has been keeping me hopping? Work, class, exercise, family, friends (rinse, repeat). We are enjoying the gorgeous summer sunshine, and spending as much time out of doors as possible (no gym memberships here; exercise is taken outside, rain or shine).

We celebrated our 22nd wedding anniversary in Victoria, B.C., one of our favorite cities. After taking the M.V. Coho from Port Angeles to Victoria early Friday morning, we dropped off our bags at the hotel and set out on foot to explore. We walked every day, between six and 10 miles, all over the city and its lovely neighborhoods. There is so much to see, and the people are low-key and friendly. Walking helped to burn off some of the wonderful meals we enjoyed...

Sushi lunch at Sen Zushi

A room-service gift from the hotel to celebrate our anniversary

 Cafe Brio - one of our favorite restaurants - the freshest local food and wine, with excellent preparation. After dinner, we stopped at the Irish Times pub for a nightcap and live music.

Up early on Saturday for breakfast and the start of the Swiftsure Race. This included a walk along the gorgeous shoreline, up to Beacon Hill Park.

A stop for refreshment at our favorite coffee shop, watching the world go by

Rooftop dining with peek-a-boo view of the harbor (after appetizers at an oyster bar)

22 years - so much gratitude and love for this man!

View  of the Empress Hotel as the M.V. Coho departs Victoria Harbor

We window-shopped, admired cottages and their gardens, enjoyed street performers, savored a historic bookstore, took in treats, local color and music at a farmer's market, browsed along fisherman's wharf, visited a bicycle shop, dropped into a shrimp festival, looked at real estate, walked around the harbor to see floating homes, walked and walked and walked. Just three days and two nights felt like a real vacation.

David is back at home with us, working at his summer job. It's wonderful to be able to see him in the mornings, eat dinner with him, and just be together as a family.

My days have been filled with class, homework, workshops and meetings. I'm learning a great deal, meeting interesting people, finding out what has been going on in the world of commerce since I left it 13 years ago, and enjoying the process. I've also been spending time with my parents - we love having them nearby.

Maribeth and her daughter, Taylor, were here for two days and a night, and we had a blast walking the beach, visiting favorite haunts and catching up.

Lunch at the New Rose Cafe at Bainbridge Gardens

Friends, peace, sunshine and beach glass - a perfect day

Tomorrow, our cousin Rebecca is coming over, and we are going to put together fabric kits. She will take them to her friends at the Stillaguamish Grange, where those good people will make blankets for Katie's Comforters Guild. We are thankful for their support!