Life Lessons from a Man I've Never Met

We will be known forever by the tracks we leave. - Dakota proverb

Last spring, I was allowed to participate in two classes because of the generosity of faculty members of the University of Washington School of Medicine. The two classes are "The Healer's Art" (a medical school elective designed by Rachel Naomi Remen, M.D.), and a "Values Clarification" exercise - part of the 4th-year curriculum in the Chronic Care Clerkship for students about to embark upon their residency program. The Values Clarification class was created by a man named Stuart Farber, M.D., who recently passed away from leukemia.

Dr. Farber is revered and loved by his colleagues and students, family and friends. He founded, and was director of, the Palliative Care service at the University of Washington Medical Center. He was a pioneer in the field, helping to develop a palliative care training center at the University of Washington.

In a terrible coincidence, his wife Annalu was also diagnosed with the same kind of leukemia (AML) four months after Dr. Farber's diagnosis, so they each walked in the role of patient and caregiver, supported by their family and community. This journey served to deepen and further inform his sensitivity in what he already believed and taught to his students. In each caringbridge.org update on their health, Dr. Farber and his wife shared their love of poetry by posting a poem chosen to express their feelings of the moment. I learned a great deal about the Farbers (whom I have never met) from those poems, and a great deal about the ways in which art can bring release and healing to patients and caregivers.

The Values Clarification exercise was administered by a wonderful professor named Tom McNalley, M.D., director of the Chronic Care Clerkship (whose specialty is Rehabilitation Medicine), and his gifted colleague, Carol Kummet, LICSW, MTS, a social worker with the Palliative Care Service. Both facilitators exuded seriousness tinged with gentle humor, compassion and empathy. Experiencing the Values Clarification with young medical students was a deeply moving gift to me, and one that I will never forget. It is an important part of Dr. Farber's legacy.

Another vital part of Dr. Farber's legacy is an article which was published posthumously, which I cannot recommend highly enough for EVERYone to read. It was published in the Journal of Pain and Symptom Management, Vol. 49, No. 4 on April 4, 2015, and made available by Dr. Farber's widow here:
http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0885392415000755
under the heading, Humanities: Art, Language, and Spirituality in Health Care. Isn't that a powerful heading? The article is called Living Every Minute. I have read it twice, and am simply in awe of its grace and power. Whether you are a patient, family member of a patient, a clinician, an artist or a spiritual seeker, this article will be a gift to you.

Many deep truths of living, of the value of quality of life over quantity, and the supreme importance for clinicians and caregivers to seek, find and understand what is most important to their patients is beautifully illustrated in Dr. Farber's words and his life. Much is expressed poetically, with far more accuracy and nuance than the most scientific language could ever describe or quantify.

You can read more about Dr. Farber's life and legacy HERE.

"If a Schmuck Like Me Can Do It..."

In the early seventies a friend kept telling me, “Whatever you do, don’t try to make those feelings go away.” His advice went on: “Anything you can learn about working with your sense of discouragement or your sense of fear or your sense of bewilderment or your sense of feeling inferior or your sense of resentment—anything you can do to work with those things—do it, please, because it will be such an inspiration to other people.” 

That was really good advice. So when I would start to become depressed, I would remember, “Now wait a minute. Maybe I just have to figure out how to rouse myself genuinely, because there are a lot of people suffering like this, and if I can do it, they can do it.” I felt a sense of interconnectedness. “If a schmuck like me can do it, anybody can do it.” That’s what I used to say, that if a miserable person like me—who’s completely caught up in anger and depression and betrayal—if I can do it, then anyone can do it, so I’m going to try.  - The Wisdom of No Escape by Pema Chödrön (pages 100–101)

I'm grateful that Pema Chodron persevered in this. Her writings have inspired me.

Have you ever thought of your own journey in this way? Has it occurred to you that what you have been through - whatever it is that has been an occasion for your perseverance - might give others hope in their own times of trial or darkness?

A number of bloggers and other writers have provided this kind of inspiration for me. Many of them are featured on my blog's sidebar; some of them have written books which I've shared here. Some have served as a kind of "lifeline" for me in the depths of my grief, or during times of betrayal, or losing sight of the next step in the way forward.

If you are enduring a dark time, I hope you will consider that honoring your own inner journey might just be the way through to the light for you. Write down your feelings, draw them, dance, or walk, or paint, plant a garden, write music - whatever comes to you creatively - do it. You needn't share publicly unless you are moved to do so, but do honor your feelings; don't bury or ignore them. Your journey matters, your life matters, and the fact that you find your way through the darkness to the light (and how you do it) may someday instill hope in someone who has lost sight of how to find their way. Remember Pema's words, "If a schmuck like me can do it, anyone can do it."

My mom sent me this glass dish with butterflies in it in honor of Katie's 20th birthday. I filled it with treasures found on the beach on that day. Do you see the "angel's wing" shell on top?

Isn't that a "heavenly" gift?

The "Yes" That Means "No"

Mark Nepo continues to enlighten me with his daybook, "The Book of Awakening." If you haven't seen it, I recommend you check it out from your local library or bookstore. A few days ago, his topic was, "I Say Yes When I Mean No."

Have you ever done this? I have, with consequences ranging from unpleasant to disastrous.

My mom gave me a calendar with a photo like this for each week (thanks, Mom!).

Though this photo is funny, anyone who has ever said "Yes" when she meant "No" knows it is not a joke. It is painful to override our own inner voice - our own deep desires and gut feelings.

I'm not speaking of choices like "vanilla or chocolate?;" I am talking about things that evoke a visceral NO, but are ignored. Things like, No, you may not touch me that way.  No, the way you speak to me is not acceptable. No, I 'm not ready to take action on this. No, that job isn't in my skill set, or my heart's path. No, I don't want another drink. No, thank you, I am not hungry. No, thank you, but I do not want to marry you. No, that is not what I meant. No, I do not have the time/money/energy to invest in your cause. No, I will not do your work for you. No, I will not abandon myself. No, I will not jump on this bandwagon. {Insert your own "No" here.}

In our family, we have a joke called, "The Yes that means No." This is the long, drawn-out syllable of "Yeeeeees," spoken without conviction, when one really means (and doesn't want to say) "No." We point it out - "Ah, there's the 'Yes' that really means 'No!,' " and we laugh about it, clear the air, and then, our true voice is heard on the subject: No. And I want to hear that true voice, even if I am disappointed or disagree. That has been one of the interesting things about this marriage: I love Gregg enough to want him to have his way, as much as I want my own. That was new, for me.

I grew up in a traditional household, the product of a 1950s marriage as it evolved through the 1960s and 1970s. There was not an equal balance of power between my parents in those days, and it was felt by all of us (they have since established a happier balance). I grew up feeling that I hadn't had enough of my own way, or the opportunity to self-determine. I'm not sure if this is a universal quality of youth, or if it was an effect of growing up in my family of origin; perhaps it was due to the overbearing nature of the religion we practiced, or to observing people outside of our circle who had more freedom than I. I just knew that I wanted some control when I became an adult, and when the time came, I did my best to assert it. I didn't always do it gently or gracefully, and made plenty of mistakes in the process.

Mark Nepo says, 

"There have been many times that I said yes when I meant no, afraid of displeasing others, and even more afraid of being viewed as selfish. I think the first time I decided to get married, I said yes when I meant no. Young and inexperienced in being myself, I agreed to  be a fish out of water for as long as I could, so as not to hurt or disappoint or displease. Not surprisingly, it all ended badly."

That passage could have been written about me; I did the same thing, and it was a mistake of large proportions. I ended up hurting the man (and myself) far more in the long run than if I had simply faced the truth at the beginning, and said - and acted upon - the NO which I felt so deeply.

Because I did feel it, but was afraid of it - afraid of what it meant I would have to do.

After divorcing, I have tried to learn from my mistakes. When I met Gregg, I learned that not everyone is driven to have his own way. Gregg freely shared the power in our relationship. This shifted my consciousness; I found the pleasure of giving way, of asking, "What do YOU want to do?" - and meaning it. It took some time, as I am strong-willed and tenacious, but after a little while, I had enough of "my way," and began to enjoy seeking and finding out what Gregg really wanted (when he had a preference), and giving it to him.

Nepo goes on to say,

"...those who truly love us will never knowingly ask us to be other than we are...when we agree to any demand, request or condition that is contrary to our soul's nature, the cost is that precious life force is drained off our core. Despite the seeming rewards of compliance, our souls grow weary by engaging in activities that are inherently against their nature...watch any piece of nature doing what it does--tree, moose, snake, or lightning--[and] it becomes clear that the very energy of life is the spirit released by things being what they are."

"God holds in power the soul of every living thing,

And the breath of every human body." -Book of Job, Chapter 12

If our soul, our true self, is God's gift to us, and our gift to the world, there can be no benefit in putting it "under a bushel," or on "mute." May we each have to courage to give (and to receive) whole-hearted "Yes" and "No," from attention to the soul of who we truly are.

"The Glory of God is a human being fully alive." - St. Irenaeus

Dottie's Treasure

Last week, when Gregg was in Spain on a business trip, I received a package. I knew it was coming - I was looking for it - but there was no way to prepare for what was inside.

I wrote previously about sending Katie's clothes to Dottie A., and posted photos of the gorgeous quilt that Dottie made from Katie's T-shirts, which is now on Katie's bed. Last week, Dottie finished and shipped a second quilt, made by her loving hands out of Katie's other favorite clothing. There really are no words to describe how I feel about it, so I will show it to you.

Here is beautiful Dottie, holding the quilt

Here it is, on Dottie's bed, before she sent it to us

This is the fabric I chose for the backing

Here is a detail of one of the squares.
Katie chose this Blondie cartoon fabric when I taught her to sew.
She made a pair of pajama pants, and wore them a LOT.

This is the label which Dottie sewed onto the back of the quilt.

When I called and left her a message of thanks, Dottie replied, "I could just see you snuggled up in that quilt last night! Remember the quilt is truly from Katie, my hands just made it possible."

It's impossible to adequately thank Dottie for a treasure so precious - beyond price. And not just the gift of the finished quilt, but the time she took to find the right fabrics to go with Katie's clothes, the design that went into it, the labor of hand-stitching, the way she handled Katie's clothes, felt her spirit, saw her essence. This gift is an experience of the heart, not really expressible in words. The quilt is now on our bed, bringing plenty of comfort each day.

Dottie, thank you for this treasure!
I'm sure Katie would be very happy to see what you have made from her clothes with your loving hands.

Katie in her Blondie P.J. pants, with Latte (when he was a kitten)

All of this has happened because of Dottie's daughter, Linda, the physical therapist who took such creative care of Katie in the hospital. That relationship grew beyond Katie's passing. The circle of love and caring keeps growing out of that terrible, difficult time; it is transformed by loving hearts and hands.

A Gift and a Prayer

Some weeks ago, I went into Katie's room and took her favorite clothes from her dresser drawers and closet. I held each item, thought about its significance, and placed it in a box to send to Dottie A., the mother of Katie's physical therapist.

Over a year ago, my friend Robin (of Grief and Gratitude) brought a precious item to show us: a quilt, made from her son Matthew's treasured t-shirt collection. When I saw it, the tangible reality of it took my breath away; handling it gently, I could see Matthew's tastes, activities, and get to know him a bit - I never had the privilege when he was alive, having met his parents after his passing.

That quilt made me think:  could I do something like that with Katie's clothes? Would I want a quilt like that? Yes, I would, but there was something frightening about offering her clothing to be cut up, even if it was for the purpose of reconstructing them into a keepsake. I couldn't bear the idea of giving her clothing - which was very important to Katie - to a stranger, even if that person was an "expert" in such quilting.
I couldn't do it.

Until I met Dottie. Dottie came with her daughter for a visit to our little town, and she is happens to be a quilter. A very experienced quilter, who has made t-shirt quilts like Robin's - she has even made quilts for her local funeral home to use when they go to pick up a person who has died. Rather than placing the body in a bag (as is often the case), this mortuary brings one of Dottie's hand-made quilts and covers the deceased person with it. It is a gift of tender comfort to families, and has made a difference in their community. People call and ask, "Are you the mortuary that uses the quilts?"

As we were browsing through our town on the day of Dottie's visit, we spent some time in the local quilting shop and talked about the craft. Dottie read my book and decided to make quilts for Katie's Comforters Guild. In the course of our day together, she offered to make a quilt for us, using Katie's clothes. I loved the idea, but it took about a year for me to be ready to let go of Katie's clothes and say, "Yes, please."

Here is the result, which is now on Katie's bed.

But there is more - Dottie is making another quilt for us, out of Katie's other clothes! I am overwhelmed by her generous spirit, and the bond she has formed with our girl. Handling her clothes, seeing the colors and themes has given Dottie a real sense of Katie's presence and spirit. To say that I'm happy and grateful for this fact, and this gift, does not even scratch the surface of my emotions. I will never be able to fully put these feelings into words, other than Thank you, from the deepest place in my heart.

A Prayer by Richard Rohr

"Loving God, we love how you love us. We love how you free us. We love what you have given and created to surround us. Help us to recognize, and to rejoice in, what has been given, even in the midst of what is not given. Help us not to doubt all that you have given us, even when we feel our very real shortcomings. We thank you for the promise and sign of your love in the Eternally Risen Christ, pervading all things in the universe, unbound by any of our categories of logic or theology.

"We offer you ourselves back in return. We offer you our bodies, our little lives, our racing minds and restless hearts into this one wondrous circle of Love that is You. My life is no longer just about me, but it is all about you." - Adapted from Radical Grace: Daily Meditations, p. 155, day 165

How often Fr. Rohr sums up my feelings, intuitions and hopes in his words! Here, he names what I am thankful for, along with what I am missing; his words name doubts and fears, along with the gifts given through faith in God. There is no hiding, denying or pretending here, but there is fearless acknowledgment of light and darkness.

So, Heavenly Father, thank You for the gift of Katie, of Linda and her mother, Dottie. As Fr. Rohr says, "we love what you have given and created to surround us...We thank you for the promise and sign of your love..." This quilt is indeed a sign of that great Love!

Grateful

Today I received my favorite kind of gift: a day spent with my son, at the beach. It was my belated birthday gift (David was busy when Gregg gave me a similar present, in June). David is working 5 to 6 days a week and taking a summer school class, so days with him are a rare gift, indeed. I am very thankful that he chose to spend this day with me; it means so much!

It was misty the entire time we walked, but we didn't mind. Four miles out and four miles back, with a picnic in the middle and a lot of conversation. Heaven on earth.

We even saw a red poppy; I often see orange poppies, but rarely the red ones!

Thank you, David!

Thunderstorms, Crafts and a Sweet Friend

We've been having severe thunderstorms here (severe for us; probably not severe by midwestern standards). Last Sunday night, the thunderclaps were so loud that they woke alot of people out of a sound sleep, including me and David and my mother. The lightning was so bright that it lit up the sky - as well as our bedroom and bathroom - and it went on for what seemed like a long time. Mother Nature is very impressive!

It has happened on a couple of other days, and I don't like to go out and walk when I think lightning might strike. I know the odds aren't great that I'll get hit, but I prefer to wait it out indoors, so my exercise schedule has been a little bit "off." What to do while waiting out a storm? How about a craft project?

My parents' 60th wedding anniversary is coming up in August, and I am creating the table centerpieces for a celebration. I've ordered the invitations, the cake, the flowers - it's been great fun. The cake has a beach-theme (my mother's request), so the centerpieces have, as well. I've been designing these in my head for a couple of months, and while stuck indoors this week, I went to my "workshop" (a corner of the garage that I have filled with driftwood, shells and sea glass), fired up the hot glue gun, and got creative.

This is the result:

It's a wreath, covered with shells and sea glass. 

I learned how to do this years ago - a friend taught me - but back then, I made large wreaths with driftwood, which required a drill and wire. I don't want to do that any more - now, it's just me and my hot glue gun.

The next step is to put a candle in the middle of the wreath, and set both of them on a glass plate, with a little bed of sand in the plate, and a homemade "placemat" underneath (I'll do that the day of the party). 

It will look something like this (without the backdrop).

I was having so much fun that I lost track of time, and worked for three hours, skipping breakfast and lunch (by accident)! David finally came downstairs to find me, and I was shocked to learn that it was 2:30 P.M.

 Since there was more thunder today, I finished all four of them. Working with a hot glue gun and beach glass is great fun, and can be very therapeutic (and addictive).

On another topic, today I received a package; it had birthday gifts and a card in it. I don't normally review my gifts online, but these are so special that I had to show you.

This is a mobius bracelet, with a verse inscribed on it (Matthew 22: 37). The verse is taken from the Old Testament, and is known as the Shema. According to Wikipedia, "Jesus of Nazereth [s/b spelled Nazareth] considered the beginning exhortation of the Shema to be the first of his two greatest commandments: 'The first of all the commandments is, Hear, O Israel; The Lord our God is one Lord: And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment.' (KJV)." The bracelet has the last part of the quote on it; I love it!

The second gift in the box was this:

The photo doesn't quite do it justice. I think there is a lot of symbolism in all of the ornaments on the cross; it would be wonderful to meet this artist and ask her about it. I hung it up right away, near where I work.

Thank you so much, MB! I love you, dear friend.

Our Father [Mother]

When I walk for exercise, I often go by myself. Depending upon the weather and my committments, the time of day varies, but I often take the same route. During part of the walk, I usually pray the Lord's Prayer.

“When you pray,” returned Jesus, “you should say,

‘Father, may your name be honoured

—may your kingdom come!

Give us each day the bread we need,

and forgive us our sins,

for we forgive anyone who owes anything to us;

and keep us clear of temptation.’”

- Luke 11:2-10, J.B. Phillips New Testament

It has occurred to me lately how fortunate we are that Jesus gave us this prayer, and that he started it with the words, "Our Father." What a privilege, that we are invited - we are actually taught by His firstborn son - to approach God on such intimate terms. (If you have father-issues, perhaps you would prefer "our Mother").

"Say among the nations: The LORD is king.
He has made the world firm, not to be moved;
he governs the peoples with equity.
Let the heavens be glad and the earth rejoice;
let the sea and what fills it resound;
let the plains be joyful and all that is in them!
Then shall all the trees of the forest exult." - Ps 96:10, 11-12, 13

God is King, and He is our Father [Mother] - yours and mine. We have been created, called into being, (some like to say, "adopted") by the King. We are all part of a royal family, by the loving grace of God. With all of the celebrations surrounding the anniversary of the Queen of England's reign this year, it is a privilege to consider that you, I, and everyone we meet are also daughters and sons of the King.

This doesn't mean that we won't have difficulties, but it does imply that we can't be stripped of our heritage - an awareness which can help us, especially during hard times. The disciple Peter puts it this way:

"Beloved: The end of all things is at hand.
Therefore be serious and sober-minded so that you will be able to pray.
Above all, let your love for one another be intense,
because love covers a multitude of sins. Be hospitable to one another without complaining.
As each one has received a gift, use it to serve one another
as good stewards of God's varied grace.
Whoever preaches, let it be with the words of God;
whoever serves, let it be with the strength that God supplies,
so that in all things God may be glorified through Jesus Christ,
to whom belong glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen.

"Beloved, do not be surprised that a trial by fire is occurring among you, as if something strange were happening to you.But rejoice to the extent that you share in the sufferings of Christ,
so that when his glory is revealed you may also rejoice exultantly." - 1 Pt 4:7-13

Pray. Love. Serve. Hospitality. Glory to God. Sufferings. Glory to God.

I love simple instructions - in fact, the simpler, the better.

"He brings everything to completion, and fills all things, in general and in particular, completely and essentially with himself. He is more intimately and more really present to everything by his being than each thing is to itself, for in him all things are united together, and live in him eternally." On Cleaving to God by St. Albert the Great

What does He offer us? Completion. Fulfillment. Intimacy. Presence. Union. Home. Eternal Life.

One of the most moving and transformational displays which I've ever witnessed of what this way of life can bring in the way of fellowship, openness, community, praise, surrender, love and acceptance was during the Living Proof LIVE event in Kansas City in April. I've written about it here. Now, there is a brief video online which will show you a tiny slice of the energy of love and prayer that was in that place. Here it is (look closely and you'll see Maribeth on stage).

Up here in the North, this kind of display (nearly 10,000 people praying together) is not common - but it is a blessing. We are all children of the King. Thanks be to God!

En Route

While I was away in Kansas, I wanted Gregg to be here to take care of the cats, the house, etc. Of course, he would go to work during the day, but I wanted him to experience what I do, when he goes away on a business trip. At first, he balked, and said that he would plan a business trip while I was away, but I persuaded him to reschedule it. He was kind enough to drive me to the airport on his way to a work meeting. It was my first flight alone in four years, and it felt weird to check in and go through security by myself.

As I was waiting to board the plane, Maribeth sent me a text message to say that Lilly (their Boston Terrier) had suddenly taken a turn for the worse, and had just died. I wondered if I should postpone my arrival, but she said, Don't be silly. So I boarded the plane, and settled in by the window, planning to mind my own business and read a book.

I don't like to talk to strangers on airplanes; I don't know why. It's such close quarters, and I like to pretend that I'm in my own little bubble. But do you remember (in the previous posting) when I said I had decided to "let God have at me" this week? Well, He didn't waste any time. The couple seated next to me were quiet for about half an hour, and then somehow, a conversation began between me and the wife.

She is a writer.
She has published two children's books, and is at work on another book. We discussed our books, and our reasons for writing them.
Her husband is a retired pastor, who served at a university which was attended by a number of Gregg's cousins, aunts and uncles.  They have lived in Norway in the same small town where Gregg has relatives.
We found we had a lot to talk about.

We discussed our spiritual backgrounds, our families, and more. I said that I was going to visit a friend who had registered us for a Christian women's conference; I didn't know what to expect from this conference, but I knew that the speaker was a teacher and writer whom Maribeth admires and loves. That was enough for me to give it a try...and part of agreeing to let God do whatever He wanted to do with me.

By the end of the flight, I had received a great deal of encouragement, and thoroughly enjoyed this couple and our conversation. It was a good beginning to my trip. I could feel God at work in love, and my heart lifted.

I gathered my bag and backpack, and walked outside of the airport to look for Maribeth. I had no idea that in just a few days I would be watching her get up on stage in front of 9,800 women...nor did she.

Congratulations to Joyce S!

Congratulations!

to Joyce S.,
who won a copy of 
"Because of Katie"
in New Nostalgia's
Giveaway last week.
The book will be on its way to you tomorrow, Joyce!

Give-Away Winners!

Elizabeth has announced the winners of the book give-away over at her blog, a moon, worn as if it had been a shell on her original posting. Congratulations to both of the winners!

If you didn't win a book this time, don't give up - there will be another give-away on another blog, which I will announce here soon.

A Give-Away

My friend Elizabeth, the beautiful writer of the blog
"A Moon, Worn as if it Had Been a Shell"
is hosting a give-away of two signed copies of my book.
Elizabeth has also posted her review of the book. If you would like a chance to win one, hop over to her blog (you can use the link above) and leave a comment on the posting. The winners will be chosen next week.

Good luck and blessings to you, and
Thank you, Elizabeth!

Weekend Recap

Briefly, because I am supposed to be proofreading my book's proof:  we had a good weekend.

Gregg and I worked in our yard on Saturday, raking maple, sweet gum and hydrangea leaves, and pruning rugosa rose bushes. Gregg then suggested a spur-of-the moment trip to the city, so we showered and dressed for a date. I love going out on dates with him!

The Pike Place Market looked beautiful as the sun set and dusk descended. We walked uptown, took care of a couple of errands, and enjoyed the holiday decor and ambience of the city. Window-shopping and people-watching are such a treat at this time of year!

We called my brother and sister-in-law and invited them to meet us for dinner at one of Tom Douglas's excellent restaurants called Serious Pie. It's a pizza place, and while they take their cuisine seriously, the atmosphere is anything but. It was great fun, the food was delicious, and we shared a lot of laughs with Jim and Caroline.

Yesterday, we brought Gregg's parents over to our house for lunch, and enjoyed the pure winter light and sunshine, looking out of the windows as we visited. Then we drove them home, and took a walk on the south end of Bainbridge Island, where we saw ferries passing in front of Mt. Rainier and Blake Island. The beauty of this world is a gift for us to enjoy every day, if we are able to slow down, look, savor...and give thanks!

Great News at Katie's Endowment's Blog

Please visit THIS link to find out what I've been up to this week, other than guild work, Burrata Bistro & Paella Bar communications, caring for home and family AND editing and printing my manuscript. It's on its way to a special destination, and now, I wait...and work on other projects, such as videotaping more members of Katie's care team next week. And our house does need cleaning again!

Check out the latest news at Katie's Comforters Guild, too!

The Doors

I was recently given the gift of a beautiful poem that is filled with wisdom. One of the joys of having a blog is that I get to share it with you here.

"Allow

There is no controlling life.

Try corralling a lightning bolt,

containing a tornado. Dam a

stream and it will create a new
channel. Resist, and the tide

will sweep you off your feet.

Allow, and grace will carry

you to higher ground. The only

safety lies in letting it all in --

the wild and the weak; fear,

fantasies, failures and success.

When loss rips off the doors of

the heart, or sadness veils your

vision with despair, practice

becomes simply bearing the truth.

In the choice to let go of your

known way of being, the whole

world is revealed to your new eyes."

- Danna Faulds, from Go In and In

This could be a description of the past four years of my life.

It reminds me of a documentary about the American band of the 1960s, The Doors. (I had a crush on Jim Morrison, back in the day. He was so sadly strung out on drugs, but he had so much raw talent, beauty and sensuality. The fact that he died in his 20s is a tragic waste; I always think of him, Jimi Hendrix and Janis Joplin together, a trio of lost artists of 1968.)

From Wikipedia: "The band [The Doors] took its name from Aldous Huxley's book The Doors of Perception,^[4] the title of which was a reference to a William Blake quotation: 'When the doors of perception are cleansed, things will appear to man as they truly are...' "

I am engaged in a book study with three friends, and the title of the book is "Open the Door - A Journey to the True Self." Doors of perception cleansed, doors of the heart ripped off, doors to true self opened. I'd call this confluence of poetic doors a blessing.

My blogging friend Mary of Landing on My Feet posted another powerful poem by this same author today. Follow the link if you would like to read more.

A New Banner: Basa Body

I don't host advertisements here - have you noticed? Today, there is one exception: I have put a banner ad on the sidebar for a company called Basa Body. I learned about this company on cjane's blog, and decided to try the products, because I love-love-love coconut, and because the company is helping women in Africa to develop a cottage industry toward their own self-sufficiency. Both of those things added up to me ordering soap, the coconut body stick and a tube of the coconut body lotion. Oh YUM-yum-YUM:  the products are luscious. So now, I am telling you about them. If you are looking for a natural, gentle moisturizer or soap, click the link and check out Basa Body products. They offer a discount on your first order - just in time for the holidays.

Elijah, the Widow and Hospice

1 Kings 17:7-16 The brook near where Elijah was hiding ran dry, because no rain had fallen in the land. So the LORD said to Elijah:  “Move on to Zarephath of Sidon and stay there. I have designated a widow there to provide for you.”

He left and went to Zarephath. As he arrived at the entrance of the city, a widow was gathering sticks there; he called out to her, “Please bring me a small cupful of water to drink.” She left to get it, and he called out after her, “Please bring along a bit of bread.” She answered, “As the LORD, your God, lives, I have nothing baked; there is only a handful of flour in my jar and a little oil in my jug. Just now I was collecting a couple of sticks, to go in and prepare something for myself and my son; when we have eaten it, we shall die.”

Elijah said to her, “Do not be afraid. Go and do as you propose. But first make me a little cake and bring it to me. Then you can prepare something for yourself and your son. For the LORD, the God of Israel, says, ‘The jar of flour shall not go empty, nor the jug of oil run dry, until the day when the LORD sends rain upon the earth.’ ”

She left and did as Elijah had said. She was able to eat for a year, and Elijah and her son as well; the jar of flour did not go empty, nor the jug of oil run dry, as the LORD had foretold through Elijah.

Two people, with nothing material to give, are led by God to one another. One has abundant listening skills, and clarity, to hear the voice of God, but no one is willing to listen to him and his message. The other has a generous heart, but is impoverished and widowed; she has a beloved son, but not enough food to sustain them, and is resigned to die in poverty.
 
They are brought together, and they are both sustained in spite of their poverty and loss.

This reading about Elijah got me thinking about the old days, growing up as a Christian Scientist. I've read Elijah stories many times, and back in those days, was given Mary Baker Eddy's interpretation of the Bible stories (there is no personal pastor in Christian Science churches, since the Bible and Science & Health with Key to the Scriptures are considered to be the pastor of the church).

Psalm 16:1b-2ab, 4, 5ab and 8, 11
R. (1b) Keep me safe, O God; you are my hope.

Keep me, O God, for in you I take refuge; I say to the LORD, “My Lord are you.”
R. Keep me safe, O God; you are my hope.
They multiply their sorrows who court other gods. Blood libations to them I will not pour out, nor will I take their names upon my lips.
R. Keep me safe, O God; you are my hope.
O LORD, my allotted portion and cup, you it is who hold fast my lot. I set the LORD ever before me; with him at my right hand I shall not be disturbed.
R. Keep me safe, O God; you are my hope.
You will show me the path to life, fullness of joys in your presence, the delights at your right hand forever.
R. Keep me safe, O God; you are my hope.

I've pondered how to see that word, "safe" for the past few years, since in my earlier life (as a Christian Scientist), I would have interpreted "safe" as "deliverance from harm." Yet in Psalm 23, King David says, "You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies." That sounds as if harm can get pretty close to us, and now, I know that it can. Yet we are assured that God is with us, right in the very next lines of the psalm.

This makes me think of our dear Hospice nurse, Amy Getter. Amy was an ICU nurse, and she has been a hospice nurse for many years. She took the most tender care of Katie and our family, and she made what was a terrifying time feel "safer." She brought an abundance of skills, and deep faith, with which to accompany us. Amy has recently written a beautiful book about what she has learned in her career. I received a signed copy from Amy in the mail, along with a card. In the card, Amy pointed out that one of the four people to whom the book was dedicated is Katie - our Katie. I was absolutely amazed, and so very thankful that Katie has touched Amy's life in this way. Amy certainly touched Katie's and our lives, and she made what I think is the hardest job in the world, easier for all us.

I am thankful that, in the good times, and in the hardest parts of our lives - even in "the valley of the shadow of death" - God sends His people to be with one another and to help one another. He blesses us, and we bless each other. Thanks be to God!