Blooming True

"When it is dark enough, you can see the stars." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I awoke early this morning, while it was still dark, to see a star so bright that I wondered if it was an airplane approaching. Observing it for a few moments, I saw that it wasn't moving toward the airport - it appeared to stationary, twinkling and shining right at me. I thought: Katie.

As I watched it shine, other stars appeared nearby - bright, but not as large and brilliant as the first. They brought to mind our beloved friend Diane, who passed away ten years ago this month. For many days after her passing, I noted a similar star in the Eastern sky, which reminded me of her beautiful soul.

"Catastrophe is the essence of the spiritual path, a series of breakdowns allowing us to discover the threads that weave all of life into a whole cloth." - Roshi Joan Halifax

This has been a difficult summer. We have had glorious, sunny weather as well as joys and blessings in the mix, but it has been very, very hard at the same time. I'm thankful that things are beginning to lighten and improve; it has been dark, things have broken down, but I am beginning to see the stars and the threads mentioned in the two quotes above.

"What we need to learn comes when we need it, no matter how old or young, no matter how many times we have to start over...We fall down as many times as we need to, to learn how to fall and get up...No one really likes this, of course, but we deal with our dislike in the same way, again and again, until we learn what we need to know about the humility of acceptance." - Mark Nepo

I'm about to embark on a great adventure. It's one I have dreamed about for several years, awaiting the right time. Because of this courageous, talented and adventurous heart, a blogger who wrote about taking a life-changing course, a dream was sparked in me. Today, I am going on a journey to take a four-day course in painting called "Bloom True" with Flora Bowley.

I majored in Fine Art (with an emphasis upon watercolor painting). I had the privilege of traveling to England to study, and took courses at colleges in the U.S. designed to refine my skills. I love all things creative, artistic and crafty, but I have been "blocked" as a painter for over 30 years. 

I do not paint. I stand before a canvas, and my hands are "mute."

The critique process during my years of college could be called "interesting" and "educational," but for me, it was a savage experience of public humiliation, and it shattered my confidence, as well as any desire to try again. There was some praise thrown in, but I only heard - and took in - the criticism.*

We were taught a structured approach, but I could never seem to rein in my passion while I painted. I always tended to overdo something, and couldn't master the controlled, cerebral way that painting was taught in that school. The urge to let go, and let it all out on the heavy-duty watercolor paper was powerful - I was 20 years old, and overflowing with emotions - but this didn't fit the mold, or the medium. The result was weekly, public criticism for the way I expressed myself artistically. I believe this is a very unwise way to treat artists (and so does Julia Cameron, author of The Artist's Way), but that was the process of teaching where I studied. 

Photo credit: Anya Hankin, Bloom True

Tomorrow, I will stand before a blank canvas and begin again, in an environment of support and kindness. I will learn to trust my artistic intuition in a new way, and I am profoundly grateful to my family for supporting me on this journey. 

*I'm deeply thankful for my liberal arts education as a whole, and do not consider it wasted in any way. Perhaps I would have been happier in interior or graphic design, but these were not offered where I studied, and they were considered lesser art forms (art for commerce), so (being a young and impressionable) I didn't pursue them.

Hokusai Says

Hokusai Says by Roger Keyes

Hokusai says look carefully.
He says pay attention, notice.
He says keep looking, stay curious.
He says there is no end to seeing

He says look forward to getting old.
He says keep changing,
you just get more who you really are.
He says get stuck, accept it, repeat
yourself as long as it is interesting.

He says keep doing what you love.

He says keep praying.

He says every one of us is a child,
every one of us is ancient
every one of us has a body.
He says every one of us is frightened.
He says every one of us has to find
a way to live with fear.

He says everything is alive --
shells, buildings, people, fish,
mountains, trees, wood is alive.
Water is alive.

Everything has its own life.

Everything lives inside us.

He says live with the world inside you.

He says it doesn't matter if you draw,
or write books. It doesn't matter
if you saw wood, or catch fish.
It doesn't matter if you sit at home
and stare at the ants on your veranda
or the shadows of the trees
and grasses in your garden.
It matters that you care.

It matters that you feel.

It matters that you notice.

It matters that life lives through you.

Contentment is life living through you.
Joy is life living through you.
Satisfaction and strength
is life living through you.

He says don't be afraid.
Don't be afraid.

Love, feel, let life take you by the hand.

Let life live through you.

{Katsushika Hokusai was a Japanese artist who lived and worked during the 19th century; thanks to my brother for sharing this poem.}

Stroll for Well-Being Featured in nextavenue.org

The Bloedel Reserve's Stroll for Well-Being program is featured in the current issue of nextavenue, an online magazine, described as

"public media’s first and only national service for America’s booming 50+ population. Our mission is to meet the needs and unleash the potential of older Americans through the power of media. We do this by providing news, information and advice to help our audience navigate their lives and inviting them to join in an ongoing conversation about the issues and transitions we all face.
"Twin Cities Public Television (tpt) in St. Paul, Minn. produces Next Avenue for the PBS system and 84 PBS stations are local affiliate partners. Our content extends far beyond our website, through our national network of media partners and government and nonprofit allies."

I was interviewed for the article; you can read it here.

The spring season of the Stroll for Well-Being will wrap up on Monday, and the summer session begins on Tuesday. I'm very excited to help facilitate the meetings, to hear what participants have to say after 12 weeks of strolling the gorgeous grounds of the Reserve (during an unusually sunny spring for Western Washington), to meet the new groups and assist with their orientation.

If you are interested in joining the program, go to www.bloedelreserve.org. You'll be glad you did!

Knackered

I learned some new things today. I learned that I am not as fit as I thought I was.

I walk between three and six miles daily. I hiked up to five miles a day while at Rancho La Puerta in February, and was able to keep up on those hikes with my friend Shelby (who is an extreme distance runner), so I thought I could hike 3 miles round-trip. I learned today that I am not aerobically fit - not very.

David has been working weekends, so weekdays are his weekends, and he was kind enough to invite me to accompany him to Mt. Ellinor, where he has been wanting to hike. There is a six-mile trip and a three-mile trip. Six sounded like more of a challenge, but the second half is considered extremely steep, so to play it safe (for me), we started at the upper trailhead. Thank goodness we did!

The elevation gain was about 2,400 feet in 1.5 miles; oh my goodness. David is quite fit; I was panting and sweating from the beginning, as the trail headed steeply uphill and never stopped. Long rocky steps, slushy snow, mud, switchbacks and scree alternated with each other. The trail was beautifully maintained, and we had a gloriously mild, "bluebird" spring day in which to enjoy the natural world of the Olympic Peninsula. But I was not nearly fit enough for this trip, and it showed immediately.

The summit views were spectacular. We saw two white mountain goats on a snowfield below the summit; we saw Mt. Baker, Mt. Rainier, Mt. Adams and a panorama of the Olympic Mountain range. I truly enjoyed the hike on the way down. But going up was a hard slog.

Summit view to the west - Olympic Mountains in the background

Summit view to the north, with Hood Canal partially obscured by high clouds

I learned that it's easy to get discouraged on a steep trail if you are: A) too hot; B) thirsty or hungry; C) at all subject to vertigo. I learned that stopping to rest is necessary if you want to make the summit. I learned that my hiking boots are comfortable, but have crappy traction in the snow.

And I learned some things about David, whose generous gifts of patience, coaching and willingness to understand my fatigue (and my dismay at that fatigue) were beyond what I could have asked him to extend to me. He was a true gentleman with his encouragement and kindness, when he could have done the hike in far less time, with far less trouble, without me. I am blessed that he invited me to spend the day with him, and he never once said a word of criticism.

On the summit

I feel humbled, happy to be home, and (as the British say) "knackered." If I am lucky enough to be invited to hike with David again, it will be something less than a "4 out of 5" for difficulty!

Stroll for Well-Being, Spring Session

I started my new job yesterday!

I am a co-facilitator of the Stroll for Well-Being at the Bloedel Reserve on Bainbridge Island, and am thrilled about it.

This program was created by Ruth McCaffrey, DNP, FAAN, a professor of Nursing at Florida Atlantic University. It's my privilege to be learning from, and co-facilitating with, Ruth. She is a gem.

Ruth originally created the program for the Morikami Garden in Palm Beach County, Florida. Over 700 people have participated in it. Here is what participants have to say about the Morikami Stroll for Well-Being program:
Ruth created a customized program for the Bloedel Reserve. Today was our first of three meetings for the spring sessions (one group in the morning and one in the afternoon). Each person present received a beautiful journal, filled with inspirational quotes, ideas for reflection, maps, blank (unlined - wonderful!) pages for writing/drawing and gorgeous, full-color photographs of the Reserve. The journal itself is a treasure, but in addition, each participant also receives a one-year membership in the Reserve.

I predict that it is going to be great fun, and a healthy experience for everyone, physically, emotionally and spiritually. Both of the Spring Stroll sessions are filled, but if you are interested in joining a summertime Stroll for Well-Being, just contact Erin (ejennings@bloedelreserve.org) and she will put your name on the list.

I cannot imagine a better job for me, right now. Thank you, Ruth, Erin and Bloedel Reserve for making this possible!

Enjoying Autumn

To every one who has served in the military forces for the United States of America, Thank you. I know that "freedom isn't free." We cannot "catch" it from others, and it is not "given" to all human beings to live in a free country. Though each of us has freedom within (as unique creations of our Creator), not everyone has the privilege to live freely. For that privilege in this time and place, paid for by your sacrifice, dear veterans, I thank you.

The last time I visited the Bloedel Reserve, I was rewarded with the pleasure of rich, intense colors of the remaining leaves on deciduous trees, and the patterns they created on the ground. I expect that the next visit will reveal many changes wrought by the high winds and heavy rains of autumn.

Just now, we are enjoying gorgeous, cold, clear days here in Western Washington. This was the view as the setting sun painted high clouds a tender pink, and a lone boat struggled against wind, whitecaps and current.

The wind caused widespread power outages that day.

On Saturday morning, I awoke early to this sunrise view...

It was a perfect day for a trip to Port Townsend. We never tire of walking through that town and the surrounding area.

This is the view looking over the old military buildings and parade ground. If it looks familiar, you might be remembering it from the movie, "An Officer and a Gentleman." Mt. Rainier looms on the horizon, faintly visible and wreathed in clouds.

If you had to make a caption for this photo, what would it be?

The deer were enjoying an apple-feast under that tree; not timid at all!

We walked around the marinas, and admired the craftsmanship of many wooden boats, especially the sailing ship Adventuress.

We saw tiles with messages from supporters of the maritime center.

Good advice.

I colorized the mermaid tile using Picasa.

I am thankful that Gregg and I still have so much fun doing something which is free of charge and open to anyone, which we enjoyed from the very first days we met. There is something comforting in the fact that, as much as our lives have changed during these 25+ years, this simple pleasure remains for us to enjoy again and again, in different places, seasons and moods.

All of Creation is a Song of Praise to God

Japanese Garden, Bloedel Reserve

 The fire has its flame and praises God.
  The wind blows the flame and praises God.
In the voice we hear the word which praises God.
  And the word, when heard, praises God.
So all of creation is a song of praise to God. 

- St. Hildegard of Bingen

  
Strolling each week at the Bloedel Reserve is continuing to inspire and bring solace and healing to me, even in places where I didn't anticipate healing. One of those areas is ART.

The shapes and colors of the leaves, and the changes in the landscape from week to week keep me in deep, yet gentle observation. It is like Christmas morning each time I start out walking the paths. I move in different directions on different days - responding intuitively to the mood and the map. I find that I observe as an artist, and even if I think "I won't take photos today," I can't NOT take them. I am seeing - and composing with my eye - as an artist, and it's joyful.

It so happens that one of my favorite art bloggers, Collage Diva, started a new project using mandalas. She calls it #100MandalasChallenge, and the idea is to create 100 Mandalas in 100 days.

I'm not sure I'll complete it in that amount of time - and there is no pressure to do so - but I am loving drawing mandalas using the Zentangle concept of Zendalas, inspired by all that I see at the Bloedel Reserve.

Here are a few of my drawings...

It's relaxing and fun to draw in this way. It has opened me up and relieved some of the stress I felt around doing artwork. It is play, not work, and it comes naturally, rather than being forced.

I'm deeply thankful for this season of strolling, healing and renewed creative energy. It is a time of quiet joy and praise to our Creator.

This struck me as a "faerie's-eye view" of the Bloedel residence

 No detail is too small for the Creator's creativity. I love that fact.

Awe, Refreshment & Shinrin-Yoka

It’s becoming essential that we learn how to relate sanely with difficult times. The earth seems to be beseeching us to connect with joy and discover our innermost essence. This is the best way that we can benefit others. - Pema Chödrön, When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times

Our goal should be to...get up in the morning and look at the world in a way that takes nothing for granted...never treat life casually. To be spiritual is to be amazed. ―Abraham Joshua Heschel

I also remember coming upon a clearing in the woods so densely overgrown that it felt depressing, for nothing seemed capable of getting through. Something in my own makeup resembled this and made me return there several times. But it was finally in winter, without its leaves, that this same clearing undressed itself as a magnificent bed of light that happened to be on the crest of a beautiful hill. It humbled me to realize that winter can be freeing, too, and that I am often overgrown with memories and reasons and twigs of mind that block me from the light. - Mark Nepo, The Book of Awakening

Slowing down and truly listening to the wind, birdsong, frogs croaking, running water, the sound of our own footsteps, alder leaves susurrating, fir needles whooshing like ocean waves - really hearing whatever is around us - is a gift. The sense of hearing is a gift.

Seeing the wonder of a leaf drifting on the wind, two trees growing together - entwined like passionate lovers - berries sprouting from a decaying log, moss cloaking trunks of maple and roots of upturned cedar, alders dancing, trailing fingers in a pond, ducks diving in duckweed, clouds passing overhead, ripples on water - is a gift. Seeing is a gift.

Caressed by a breeze, temperature changes, heart lifting, pulse rising in the freedom of open spaces, muscles working up and down trails, a slippery boardwalk or the crunch of stone and bark underfoot, smoothness of grass, ripple of roots, soft springiness of moss - is a gift. Feeling is a gift.

The scent of turning leaves, a salty breeze, pungence of skunk cabbage, decaying mushrooms, rain-washed trails, sap-filled pines - is a gift. The sense of smell is a gift.

The Stroll for Well-Being is teaching me that the Japanese healing intervention of Shinrin-yoka, or "walking in the forests to promote health" is effective. Nature's variety of shape, color, scent, function and form remind me that everything, at every stage of life, has its own particular beauty. We are not made to look - or be - the same as others. Each one of us has unique purpose and gifts, revealed as our lives evolve. What might be your gift, in this time and place?

The Bloedel house, viewed from the bluff

Stroll for Well-Being

I'm participating in a pilot program at a local nature preserve (the Bloedel Reserve) called "Stroll for Well-Being." You may know that I'm an avid walker and love reflective reading and writing, and all of these elements came together when a friend posted on facebook about this opportunity to try the program here for the first time. It is already in place at the Morikami Garden in Florida.

Two dedicated women - one a professor of nursing and the other a professor in environmental studies, outlined the purpose and function of the program. It is inspired, and a pleasure to be part of the "beta test."

Yes, that's the family home; the Bloedels were once "timber barons."

The Bloedel Reserve is a local treasure. Sometimes, I take it for granted, as our family has property - and I now live - nearby. It is open for membership, and it is worth the fee, whether you join or just visit. The Bloedel family home - large for a house, small for a chateau - is graceful and beautiful, and gives a stately sense of "heart" to the property.

The 150 acres of grounds, filled with indigenous and imported plants, are best appreciated in silence, and the Strolls - mapped out in a beautiful journal which includes 12 themes, many inspiring photographs, quotes, and marked places to stop, reflect and write within each - are designed to take full advantage of the refreshment offered by nature.

Sharing this refreshment was a core value for Mr. Bloedel as he established and developed the property.

The reserve has structures which blend harmoniously with the plantings. The Japanese Tea House and Garden, the Orchid Woods and Puget Sound Overlook, the Bird Marsh, Trestle Bridge and Boardwalk, the Moss Garden and Reflection Pond are all integrated into the themes of the strolls.

There are a great variety of plants, trees, benches and water features, wide and narrow spaces, winding paths, stairs, textures, scents, colors, vistas and sounds to stimulate the senses.

In the past, I have loved to walk (fast) for fitness. Because of health issues which arose during the summer months, I have been forced to slow down and focus less on fitness. It became necessary to focus, with increasing patience and gentleness, on nurturing wellness within, as back pain, root canal and infection, ear surgery and recovery took turns demanding my attention during the later weeks of summer and early fall. I am truly grateful to say that I am finally able to walk a couple of miles at a time; my jaw and ear and graft are healing nicely. The Stroll for Well-Being could not have come at a better time!