Busy, Busy...Sad

It's been a busy week, so far. We've had some school communication issues to resolve, and we have a 16-year-old guy here who loves to ski, AND who is trying out for the golf team (at the same time as he is planning his next ski outing)...and who leaves for France in a few weeks! Where are his golf shoes? Where are his khakis?

Monday was "housecleaning and laundry day." Yesterday was "sewing quilts" day. Rita brought her machine over and we sewed like madwomen. We finished 16 quilts that I had pinned, including two for a charity auction to benefit Children's Hospital. Jill Douglas, the mother of Alexis and Austin, is helping to organize this benefit. If you want to participate in any way, you can visit Alexis' website and read about it. Look for it there under recent news/updates.

Here is a sneak peek at the two quilts that will be part of the auction.


Also pictured in the stack above are quilts made by my sister-in-law, Linda, Blogger Mary Jo and Quilter Sandy. Thanks to all of you!

Today I am washing more fabric, and ironing is the next step. Dear Diane W. brought a generous donation of fabric for the quilts, and is going to bring more. Momentum is building, as is the supply of fabric; thank you, God! Thank you, Diane! We need the help, in order to keep the supply going (and to support our efforts to get blankets to all wards of the hospital. If you sew, or know someone who does, please send them here & we can help you/them get started.)

Tonight, we are going out to Burrata Bistro for dinner with Rita & her family...David hasn't been there yet, & we are excited to share it with him. We all love Kim's cooking (& I always enjoy a night off from cooking).

Speaking of food preparation, I've been finding that the crock pot is a good tool for cooking money-saving recipes, as well as for saving time on busy days. Put the meal into it in the morning, and at dinner time, all you need are side dishes; in addition to that, the house smells delicious when the guys come home! Last night it was teriyaki-ginger pork with garlic-sauteed asparagus and couscous on the side. Tomorrow, it will be crockpot chicken enchiladas...a new recipe.

Good days, yet I've been sad this week.

This Sunday, March 8th, is not only the beginning of daylight savings time. It's also

Katie's

birthday,

the day she would be turning 14, if she were still here with us. Two of her childhood girlfriends also have their 14th birthdays this month (Kristi & Colleen, Happy Birthday to you both!).

I remember when we three moms were pregnant; I remember the childbirth classes, and many playdates, since we all lived on the same street, for a time.

It's hard, thinking about this. I was reflecting on Katie's last birthday on earth, March 8, 2007, and it got so painful that I had to draw a line in my mind and STOP.
Katie was in the ICU, recovering from her surgery, with a breathing tube and many IV lines and drains, unconscious for most of the day.

Her favorite nurse was taking care of her (thank you, Melanie!).

Another sweet nurse (who shares her birthday) came in during her day off to bring a gift for Katie. (Thanks, Kim!)

I bought one of those tiny, wind-up music boxes that plays "Happy Birthday to You" and played it. We sang to her. I bought her a super soft, silly stuffed bear to cuddle with, to help her feel cozy.

I had put up many posters and photographs to decorate her ICU room. I posted a birthday countdown, and updated it every day; I used her favorite typefaces & included photos of happier days and well wishes. We decorated her room with paper lanterns (no candles allowed, of course). I took her photo with Melanie, though Katie was not awake. I wrote a message to her on the white board that Mel is holding, so that Katie could someday look back and see how far she had come from that birthday. But she never saw those photos; she never asked much about that time in her recovery, and we learned very clearly that if Katie didn't ask, she didn't want to know.

It was a few weeks later, down in the surgery ward (not the ICU) when she finally was able to take an interest in her birthday cards and gifts. She opened and enjoyed each one. There were dozens of them.

We were going to give a big summer party for Katie, to celebrate her recovery and make up for the missed birthday party, when she felt well enough. She even invited Dr. Waldhausen (her chief surgeon) to come, which was a huge thing for her to do, as she had had quite enough of most doctors. Unfortunately, she relapsed, instead of getting better.

The party that we ended up planning was her Celebration of Life. It's hard to ask a 12-year old what she wants her memorial service to be like; when she brought up the subject, we listened carefully. "I want a party, like Auntie Bernice's [after Bernice's memorial service, family & friends of all ages gathered to share food & drink; kids were playing in & outdoors, people reminiscing -- a real party!] and I want fireworks." We chose beautiful Kiana Lodge, down the street from our house, on several acres of waterfront, where Katie had wanted to hold her wedding reception. We made it as much of a party as possible, but of course, she wasn't with us.

I miss planning her birthday party with her, asking what she wants for dinner, what kind of cake, and who she wants to invite. I want to take her shopping for clothes, out for lunch, for a pedicure, for a makeover. I want to buy presents for her, and write a birthday card. I want to put our heads together and talk and laugh and watch a movie...lots of movies. I want to put my arms around her, kiss her soft cheeks and tell her, "I love you, Sis. I'm so glad that you were born!"

I want to see her smile light up her face, and light up the room.

"I want, I want, I want." Doesn't sound very grateful for what I have, or for what I had. But I miss what we had. It was good.

I want to celebrate her birthday, but Gregg & David don't share my feelings about it. It's a little bit of a lonely feeling, to be the only one who wants to mark the day. I suspect that the three of us will buy a bouquet of helium-filled balloons, at least 14 of them, take them to her bench in Waterfront Park, and set them free.

Another Quilting Day

Yesterday, Maribeth, Taylor and Rita came over to our house. We had two sewing machines working, one at each end of our dining table, and we pressed fabric, pinned and sewed quilts, listened to music and talked. We finished about 10 quilts, and pinned a bunch more. It's so much fun, and rewarding, to work on this project. It feels good to be creating comfort for sick children. I am looking forward to delivering the quilts to the hospital, and allowing each child to select one that appeals to him or her. Here is a look at the growing stack of finished quilts on Katie's window seat.

Today, I had the pleasure of a visit from Amy, one of my favorite ICU nurses. We visited Katie's bench, and took a long walk through Poulsbo, along the waterfront, around Lemolo Point and back to town. Amy had not been able to attend Katie's memorial service, so we watched Katie's slideshow, and stopped by Kiana Lodge, which is down the street from our house (where her service was held). We got permission to walk the grounds, so I could show Amy the gardens, the beach and the path along the waterfront to the dock. I showed her where the fireworks were set off. Katie wanted a party, not a funeral...and she got one. We had hot and cold hors d'oeuvres, beer, wine, coffee, punch and four cakes. There were flowers in bloom all over the grounds, flowers in the lodge, children playing outside after the service, and it was all lovely. Katie had wanted to have her wedding reception there, and we did the best we could to give her a service that would honor her wishes. It was good to be able to give Amy a sense of what it was like.

I enjoyed sharing memories of Katie, and of our time in the ICU, with Amy; memories of Katie's spunk, sparkle and strong healing spirit. It may be like a war experience, being in the ICU. The relationships revolve around the survival of someone dear to us, and the nurses are truly angels, helping us to cope with many distressing things that are foreign, or new to us. Amy helped me to learn how to help her care for Katie, so I felt less powerless and restless. Amy encouraged Katie and gave her love, whether Katie appeared to be conscious or not. Amy held hope for her healing, and supported our hope. She comforted all of us. Thank you, Amy, and all of our nurses!

A Quilt for Comfort

Today, Maribeth came over, and we sewed our first prototype quilt for Children's Hospital. Let me explain the project...But first, I must say, because she might just be the tiniest bit unhappy with this photo, that this does not do Maribeth justice at all. She is very cute, and had been to the gym for spinning class; she came straight over to sew without having time to clean up, change, etc. I will post a photo of her and her daughter, Taylor, later, so you can see how cute they both are! Now, on to the project...

Katie had a quilt (I mentioned this in an earlier blog posting) which she took with her to the hospital, by grace. I think I also mentioned that I am very much a BEGINNING seamstress, yet I had made that particular quilt, with help from Rita, who is an ADVANCED seamstress (among her many other talents). It was very well-loved, all the way to the day Katie passed away. She took it everywhere she went during her illness, to every scan, procedure and appointment. She slept with it. I have been sleeping with it myself, since she passed away. This is a photo of it, folded so that you can see both sides. It is soft as a whisper, threadbare in places, torn open in others from wear, use, love, service. It has satin binding and is flannel on one side, with cotton quilt fabric on the other. The colors (primarily yellows) coordinate well. The quilt fabric has different state flowers on it. When we were really bored, sometimes we would study those. I am so grateful to be the person whose hands made a gift that gave Katie comfort every single day.

Since Katie got so much comfort from that blanket, I was thinking how good it might be to make them for other kids...particularly those who may end up at the hospital in shock, like we did. If you had to go to the hospital suddenly, possibly far away from home, would it be nice to find a soft, thick, warm, handmade blanket at the end of your unfamiliar bed? I think it might. I spoke to several friends who sew, and everyone agreed.

Maribeth is one of those friends. MB is a cancer survivor herself. Whenever she would sing a solo in church, I would sit in a pew, listening and crying, because I was so happy that she survived. She is one of the first people I called the day that Katie's tumor was discovered. She has been a rock for me throughout this whole nightmare, one of the people I can bare my deepest feelings to, complain, laugh, be appropriate or inappropriate with, dark or light...and know that whatever is, is okay. She and I (and Katie) share a similar sense of humor, and she NEVER patronizes. She loved Katie dearly, and they had quite the bantering relationship over the years.

MB's daughter, Taylor, was one of Katie's teenage role models. We call her "da bomb," because she is so pretty, talented and sweet. Katie and I would always go to see MB and Taylor perform in local musical theatre productions. Katie loved watching her friends on stage, and they inspired her to try the BPA Theatre School, which she loved very much.

When Katie was sick, she and Taylor spent many hours watching their favorite movies, sitting on the couch or on Katie's bed, relaxing together. Katie could just be silent with Tay, and they could do nothing, very happily together. Taylor was a great comfort to Katie, and brought joy to her last weeks. She was one of the few people who were always welcome in Katie's room.

Taylor decided to take on the quilts as her Senior Project in high school. She is going to assemble simple quilt kits for people to purchase; the proceeds will go to Children's Hospital, and the blankets can be sewed from the kits, and donated to the Hospital, if the buyer wishes.

So today, MB and I tried our hands at sewing a prototype, since we need one to show to family and friends who will want to buy the kits. It is flannel on one side, and cotton quilt fabric on the other, with satin binding, like Katie's. It turned out well, and it was really fun to work on it together. I can see this becoming a good thing; it's therapeutic, and a good time to chat, while accomplishing something worthwhile. As the project gets underway, I will post more info.

This morning, the sunrise was so beautiful that David went out on our deck and took photos.
What started out as a faint pink line of light over Bainbridge Island, grew into this...

I love watching the light change. I hope that this brightens your day.