Close To the Brokenhearted

Psalm 34 (a sampling of verses)

"R. The Lord hears the cry of the poor.

I will bless the LORD at all times;

his praise shall be ever in my mouth.

Let my soul glory in the LORD;

the lowly will hear me and be glad.

R. The Lord hears the cry of the poor.

Look to him that you may be radiant with joy,

and your faces may not blush with shame.

When the poor one called out, the LORD heard,

and from all his distress he saved him.

R. The Lord hears the cry of the poor.

The LORD confronts the evildoers,

to destroy remembrance of them from the earth.

When the just cry out, the LORD hears them,

and from all their distress he rescues them.

R. The Lord hears the cry of the poor.

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted;

and those who are crushed in spirit he saves.

The LORD redeems the lives of his servants;

no one incurs guilt who takes refuge in him.

R. The Lord hears the cry of the poor."

Katie & David with cousin Phil

Katie with cousin Hollie

Gregg & Katie with auntie Cheri and cousin Lyndsie

"Think of the many, many stories about God choosing people. There’s Moses, Abraham and Sarah; there is David, Jeremiah, Gideon, Samuel, Jonah and Isaiah. There is Israel itself. Much later there’s Peter and Paul, and, most especially Mary.

"God is always choosing people. First impressions aside, God is not primarily choosing them for a role or a task, although it might appear that way. God is really choosing them to be God’s self in this world, each in a unique situation. If they allow themselves to experience being chosen, being a beloved, being somehow God’s presence in the world, they invariably communicate that same chosenness to others. And thus the Mystery passes on from age to age."  - Richard Rohr, adapted from "Things Hidden: Scripture as Spirituality," pp. 42–43

I can digest this statement much more readily than the statement that God chose Katie, or us, for the unique kind of suffering that comes with an "incurable" childhood cancer. I just cannot live with the theory that God is a puppeteer, that he looked around the world and pointed his finger at us (or anyone else, for that matter), and that this horrific tragedy could be called - especially by anyone who really knows what it is like to go through it - a gift, blessing in disguise. 

But God's help, His love, His helpers, are all gifts that came with (not because of, but with) the disaster of pediatric cancer. And the opportunity to do our best to "be Him" in the world, in a new way, came with it. Because of His Love, we are beloved, we are chosen (everyone is chosen as beloved by God), and God was in it with us, as He is in our grief-journey with us now, and will be with us, come what may. I have hope and faith in this.

Katie and David with Kappa and aunt Deb

Katie with cousins Andrea and Joseph

(Grandpa & Grandma G. and auntie Linda,

uncles Bill & Jim, in the background)

Katie with cousin Joe

"Loss makes artists of us all as we weave new patterns in the fabric of our lives." - Greta W. Crosby

Katie, Christmas 2005

But I still miss my girl.