"In order to let suffering transform us, we must let it take us to the edge of our own inner resources where alone we can 'fall into the hands of the living God' (Hebrews 10:31), even against our will. We must pray for the profound grace of this second stage of softening and opening in the presence of suffering.
"Our path of ongoing transformation (after the great falling into Love) largely consists in struggling with our own shadow self, facing interior conflicts and moral failures, undergoing rejection, abandonment, or humiliations, and learning to experience any limitations gracefully. Sorry to put it so bluntly, but these are the common gateways into deeper consciousness and the flowering of the soul. They alone prune away the illusions and pretenses of the false self. (See John 15:2 for example.)