Double Nickels

I turned 55 last week. To me, that's the "speed limit" birthday, but others have suggested that it also stands for "double nickels" - as you can see in the card I received from David:

On the morning of my birthday, Maribeth came over for a walk on "her" beach, and lunch in one of our favorite haunts...

...and then back to our house for a little "chill time" on the deck, and a quick visit with David and Gregg. Maribeth was the perfect "birthday presence," and I'm so grateful that she was able to spend it with me!

Late in the afternoon, our friend Linda arrived from Vienna. She was on her way to visit her family in California, and stayed with us for five days of fun.

Here we are at Burrata Bistro during my incredibly delicious (and oh-so-filling) birthday dinner...

 

...and this is the dessert tray which Burrata Bistro provided: blueberry tart, mocha creme caramel and tiramisu - with complementary glasses of port for everyone at the table!

Thank you, Kim and Alfonso!

Linda travels all over the world singing (her specialty is the operas of Richard Wagner). She was nominated for a Grammy award this year, and we enjoyed hearing all about her experiences at the ceremonies, parties and events surrounding the award show. Though she didn't win this time, it is quite an honor to be nominated at all - not to mention the privilege of attending the live concert, meeting and mingling with other artists.

We have a good time reminiscing about things we've done in the past, such as the time we went to the last concert given by the Commodores, before Lionel Richie went out on his own. We heard them perform in a small nightclub outside of Boston, with seats very close to the stage, and we were perhaps the only people not of African heritage in the club. And then there was the time I went to the church where Linda was a soloist, donning a choir robe, and standing next to her on the altar. I lip-synched along with hymns I didn't know, trying to be invisible. Not easy, standing next to the soloist, who happens to be about a foot taller than I.

On this visit, we went shopping for clothes and gifts, to the Pike Place Market in Seattle and to Port Townsend. We had our morning coffee together in the sun on the deck, barbecued dinners at home, and just relaxed. Linda had just come from an engagement in Seville, so it was good to be able to offer her a peaceful retreat by the sea.

You can tell that she and Gregg get along well...

 ...and share a sense of humor. 

She has known our kids since 2003, so she and David get on famously, as well.

My parents also love her, and took all of us to their club for dinner, after cocktail hour in their home.

On Monday, we went with my parents to Seattle to have a traditional (delicious) German dinner with a lovely couple whom Linda met when she sang in the Seattle Opera's production of Parsifal in 2003. Heidi and Hans are from Germany, adore Wagner's music and Linda's interpretation of it, and have become dear friends of hers - even traveling to Europe to hear her sing.

Here are Heidi and Hans with Linda on our deck in 2012 (my photos of the dinner at their house did not turn out well). We had a wonderful evening, and are so thankful to have met them through Linda. Music has the power to unite hearts across history, cultures, time zones and many miles.

All in all, a very happy birthday week, for which I'm grateful!

The Neighborhood

This rhododendron is the pride and joy of our neighborhood. The story goes that its relative, located about 1/2 block away, was taken from a cutting of the same "parent" plant. Here is the sister:

Every year, we watch for the first buds and blossoms on both of these beauty queens. Every year, their daily progress is a joy to behold. The color, shape and size of each blossom is truly extraordinary. Each one is like a bouquet in itself.

We recently gathered to honor a couple of beloved neighbors who are moving. Happily, they are staying in our town - only moving a few miles away. Melanie, (the wife) is our "neighborhood watch" captain, and on this occasion, we thanked her for her diligent work and presented her with a magic wand in recognition of all she has accomplished. There are always lots of jokes about Gladys Kravitz as we participate in the neighborhood watch, but truly, there hasn't been any of that kind of nosiness or busybody behavior, and a very positive tone has been set by Melanie.

An example of what great people she and her husband are: several months ago, they invited friends to help them pack up their enormous wine cellar, offering to provide pizza and salad as dinner for the movers. When we showed up to help, they generously gave us all the wine that we could carry out. Many cases of wine were given away in kindness, and with a great sense of surprise and fun!

At the going-away party, it was suggested that we gather for a group photo under the rhododendrons. I thought that was a lovely idea, but the spring rains have made that impossible for this year - the moment of best bloom has passed. The good news is that there is always next year - those rhodies are here to stay.

Dessert table, with a book for everyone to sign for the guests of honor

The party was a delightful potluck - a great opportunity to catch up with all of our neighbors. In addition to food, we brought a pitcher of Mint Juleps, in honor of the fact that it was the day of the Kentucky Derby. What fun to see those who had never tasted a Julep enjoying their first sip! Thanks to Janis and David for hosting!

A few more floral pleasures from our neighborhood:

I love the spaces where flowers spring up, the wild ones alongside of domestic: iris, roses, buttercups, forget-me-nots and others (unknown to me), growing by the roadside are a treat for the eyes.

The SFDWG (Sh*tty First Draft Writing Group)

A few years ago, I met a group of bereaved mothers online. Each one of us had recently suffered the death of our child, all due to completely different causes. We are bloggers who live in Ohio, Virginia and Washington state. Robin, Karen, Chris & I had never met in the flesh, but we felt akin to one another once we began to correspond. One of our group suggested that we start a book group using a private blog where we could reflect and discuss what we were reading. That is exactly what we did - except (of course), much more than that happened.

We chose a book by wonderful author Joyce Rupp called "Open the Door." As we read and responded to the questions for each chapter, we walked together through our grief, our deepest thoughts and spiritual issues, family difficulties, anniversaries, and more. We got to know each other intimately...and some of us have now met in person. These relationships are a tremendous gift of solace to me.

The blog is still private. We tried to study another book after finishing "Open the Door," but everyone's life got busier and the book study disbanded. We keep in touch through our blogs, facebook and private email communications, but have allowed the group activity around a book to go away.

I found I missed the regular exchanges and camaraderie with such women; though I don't seek them out, bereaved mothers do tend to find each other. But it can't be just ANY bereaved mother: she has to have a deep (and preferably dark) sense of humor and irony; she needs some kind of spiritual sense, and she has to be determined to live a full life, while facing the fact that there is one part of her life that will never, ever be filled again.

A little over a year ago, I attended the Field's End Writer's Conference with my friend, Reba (Hannah's mom). That event inspired us to found a writing group, and invite other fledgling writers to join in for accountability and encouragement. Enter the Sh*tty First Draft Writing Group. It just happened that the members of this group are all bereaved mothers -  most of the credit for this miracle goes to Reba, Hannah's mom; she knows all of us, and introduced us to one another. Credit for the name of the group goes to Anne Lamott, who encourages her students to write "shitty first drafts," and not to edit prematurely - just get it out, get it down - go for it.

We meet every two weeks at one home or other, share what we are working on, offer commentary and encouragement, laugh, cry, eat, drink and generally support each other creatively in a space which no one but a bereaved parent understands. No one but a mother who has had to say "goodbye" to her child knows the gnawing space left in the heart and gut; the difficulties of living each day, facing the future without that child's presence; the existential questions and challenges to faith, the search for meaning - and meaningful work, - the panic attacks, doubt and the harsh reality of a life changed, permanently, forever, stretching out before us - a life without that child's laughter, love, touch, smell, sensibility, contributions and need for our care. We also share our joys in day-to-day living, our families, progress, growth and inspiration.

In the presence of such understanding, I do not feel "alien;" without that fellowship, my loss looms even greater. I'm thankful for these beautiful, talented, generous women and each of their precious children.

Robin, Stefanie, Reba and Teri

"Leonard Cohen’s song, 'Anthem,' states in the refrain: 'There is a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.' It sounds a lot like Paul’s statement about carrying 'the treasure in earthen vessels' (2 Corinthians 4:7). These are both much more poetic ways of naming what we unfortunately called 'original sin' —a poor choice of words because the word sin implies fault and culpability, and that is precisely not the point! Original sin was trying to warn us that the flaw at the heart of all reality is nothing we did personally, but that there is simply 'a crack in everything' and so we should not be surprised when it shows itself in us or in everything else." - Richard Rohr

 Thank God for good company on a hard road. That's another example of "how the light gets in."

Giving Thanks for Thanksgiving

We had a week filled with friends, food and fun. I hope you did, too. Preparing and cleaning up after a week of friends, food and fun takes work, but it is the kind of work that feels good to do.

Gregg was in Europe on a business trip for two weeks just prior to Thanksgiving. David was even able to meet him in Madrid for a long weekend of father & son time. I am so happy and thankful that this worked out! I wanted to accompany them, but to match Gregg's complicated ticket, involving stays in three cities in two different countries was out of our travel budget. Way, way out. So I enjoyed the visit vicariously and through the miracle of Face Time video chats. (Thank you, Apple!)

I have no photos of their time together. I know they exist - in a camera, somewhere in Florence, with David.

On the day before Thanksgiving (David's 20th birthday), he flew to Scotland with a group from G.U. It looks & sounds as if they had a wonderful time. If you can't be at home for your birthday, why not spend it with friends overseas - and maybe throw in a visit to a James Bond film location? They did just that, visiting the Scottish Highlands and taking a photo near the fictional property "Skyfall."

On that same day, Maribeth arrived to help me prepare for our joint family feast. Since my brother and his family needed to switch places with us this year and spend Thanksgiving in Palm Desert with our parents, Gregg and I stayed at home - without David. It was odd. I kept thinking, "I need to pack my suitcase!" because our tradition is to spend this holiday in California with my parents, celebrating David's and my mother's birthdays, along with Thanksgiving. It's a tradition we love, and we have only broken it once in the past decade (in 2006, the year that Katie was in the hospital). So it was extra special to have our beloved friends and their family as our guests on Thanksgiving, while we were missing my parents and David.

We set the table, made the side dishes and caught up on each other's news. The next day, her family and friends arrived, making up a party of 15 (including Gregg and me). We had a wonderful, potluck feast. I wish that more of my photos had turned out well (still hoping for others to share theirs):

Taylor, Jamie, Austin & Alan with MB's famous Strawberry Pretzel "Salad"

We're so thankful that, even though they moved to Kansas, our friends come back to visit as often as they are able!

Over the weekend, Gregg and I tidied up, relaxed, ate too much and finally took ourselves to Port Townsend to hike in the park and have a picnic.

Gregg made awesome turkey-cranberry sandwiches for our picnic

Stopping for a moment to snap a photo

View from the bluffs

View from the bunker at the beach

Barracks (recognize this from "An Officer & A Gentleman"?)

It was a glorious day to be outdoors.

Now, I'm going to make soup, work on blankets for the hospital, catch up on correspondence and start the preparations for Christmas...and send wishes that you will have a great week.

What's Been Happening

This post contains a little bit of what's been happening here, lately...
David has begun working at his summer job, taking new responsibilities as part of the boats' crew. I've been getting up to make breakfast for him before he goes to catch the ferry to Seattle and on to work.

Our NYC Cosmopolitan magazine-editor friend, Anna, returned to Seattle to give two book readings. The one in Poulsbo at Liberty Bay Books was so much fun; Anna gave us a real look at the world of N.Y. publishing. We had so many questions that she didn't even have time to read from her book!

After the book event, we hosted a little party here so that Anna's local friends could gather, catch up with her and celebrate her success. Of course, I forgot to take any photos. Fortunately, Paul Dudley came (fresh from shooting a wedding, with his son Miles) and took this shot of Leslie, Shelli, me and Anna (holding her new book, "Wrecked"):

Pretty great stuff, considering we're a group of people who met through a camp for children who have cancer. This is not a depressing crowd!

Gregg is now working with suppliers from Spain and France. He is going to hand off the Italian work package, but still covers that when others are traveling or on vacation. He loves working with overseas suppliers and traveling to their plants.

I am sending out information about my book to nursing schools all across the country. I'm also working to shepherd the DVDs through the last few "gates" so that we can edit them further. The next step will be to share them with other hospitals and groups who want to/need to learn about family-centered care.

David worked overnight this weekend (a graduation cruise), and kind-hearted Laura and Tom invited him to "crash" at their house when he got off work at 3:00 A.M. (there is no ferry service at that hour). He never did go to sleep; Tom got up at 4:30 and they went golfing at dawn! Then they took the ferry & came over here for lunch; David went to bed after we ate, and slept for about 16 hours. Tom, Laura, Gregg and I went to the Harbour House Pub to raise a glass in honor of Laura's father, Moe Drabowsky (Sunday was the anniversary of his passing).

Due to mobile phone issues, I am now on my fourth Droid 3 this year. Each one has had a problem with one thing:  the camera, the keyboard, the opening/closing mechanism. Fortunately, this one seems to be okay. I've been testing the camera on each phone, and here are some of the results, tweaked (for fun) in Picasa:

Native Americans launching a canoe on the beach near our home

Latte insisted on taking a walk with us.
He went 1/2 mile and started panting like a dog,
so we turned around, and I carried him most of the way home.

We planted some new lavender.
There has been so much rain here that everything is growing like crazy.

I love playing with these photo filters.

Neighbors' roses make a nice contrast against their shed.

Maribeth made a lightning-fast visit to Poulsbo after her daughter's graduation from college. Taylor has accepted a job at Seattle Children's Hospital after graduating cum laude from Seattle U., and we couldn't be happier for her. After one day & night here (complete with our favorite Thai take-out dinner and a visit with Gregg, David and the cats), MB has returned to the city, and will be on her way back to Kansas tomorrow. It's always wonderful to sit on our couch and talk into the night, and then resume the discussion in the morning over coffee in our p.j.s. God was so good to bring us together 12 years ago, and to allow us to share our lives since then. She is a treasured friend.

The coming weekend will bring a visit from blog-friends from Ohio, and Father's Day celebrations. Meanwhile, back to work on marketing "Because of Katie."

Thank you for your orders from the Pampered Chef fundraiser, Elizabeth & Karen!

This, That & An Anniversary

We had a great weekend here. I hope you had a great one, too.

Before the weekend, on Thursday, David and I took a beautiful walk on our beach - for a couple of miles each way. It was a gorgeous, sunny & warm day. For you mid-western & easterners, that is obvious, but for us here in western Washington, I have news: summer has been one fickle guest. So it was a big deal to have sunshine on one of David's days off. It was lovely to spend that time together.

David also accompanied me to go shopping for a new phone. He knows more about technology than I do, as he's 18. Those of you who have mobile phone plans will understand this story: I was due for a FREE new phone. Awesome. I've always taken the offer of a FREE new phone to heart (and wallet). But this time, there was a decision to be made: dumb phone or smart phone? - because now, we have a choice. The difficulty is that dumb = free, while smart = I pay for the phone itself, and for extra service, each month. Frankly, that doesn't sound smart at all, to me. Yet I did the dumb thing, and got the smart phone...a phone which is a whole lot smarter than I am, at this point. I'm still learning how it works.

On Saturday, we hosted a party. I don't like to talk about parties because I think it is bad manners, when obviously all of you (especially out-of-towners) can't join us, but party is what we did, so it shows up here on the blog. We combined neighborhood friends with old friends, friends from different circles and parts of our lives, and it was great fun. I love to host gatherings, especially with 20+ people, especially in sunny weather.

The photos that I took turned out to be awful, but Paul Dudley of Paul Dudley Photography took these, and as usual, he worked magic with the camera:

Miss Ellie (my mom) & me

Me & my dad

Because I have a horror of running out of food, the new ways of society (let's call it the looseness about RSVP's) make me a little nervous when hosting 30-some people. My way of coping is to buy too much food, and host potlucks. People brought salad or dessert & wine; we provided everything else (& some wine). Right now, I am making split pea soup with the leftover bones and meat from two of the three hams. My in-laws are coming over to eat dinner with us and share the bounty.

While I was chopping, sauteing, juicing and stirring, my heart was with our friend Allegra, who is a chef de cuisine and who once owned a restaurant on the Oregon coast. How I wished she was standing beside me, sharing the wisdom of her experience! Allegra is recovering from chemo right now, and I am sending her love and healing energy. You are invited to join me in that.

I have to say that I am a bit stymied right now as a blogger, because one of the richest veins in the Mother Lode of my writer's brain is filled with parenting stories, and I cannot share them with you. I respect my son's privacy, but I tell you, my mind is overflowing with things that have happened here. I am sure they are normal in the larger picture of life, but I would say it's been colorful.

Four years ago today, Andrea & Mike got married and granted Katie's great wish to be a bridesmaid. It was a huge gift for them to move their wedding up 6 months in order that Katie could be part of the day. A week later, she was paralysed from the waist down (and could no longer walk); a week after that, she passed away. So you can see how important their invitation - and the timing -was.

Happy Anniversary, Andrea and Mike! - you have our love and gratitude FOREVER.

Welcome Home!

My parents are home for the spring and summer - although spring has not quite arrived (yesterday, it was sunny, then snowy, hailing, thundering and lightning, and raining)!

We invited Gregg's parents over for dinner with my parents last night. We started with hors d'oeuvres and wine, then moved on to dinner.

Gregg's dad is making a joke with the wasabi mustard.

I roasted two pork loins, marinated overnight in pesto. I sauteed baby portobello mushrooms and served them with wild rice. Gregg made a fabulous chopped salad. We had ice cream with cinnamon-sugar biscuits and coffee for dessert.
We sent half a roast home with both sets of parents.

As they say, "a good time was had by all." We love having our parents nearby, and we love the fact that they enjoy each other's company; it's a blessing. Welcome home, Snowbirds!

Happy Birthday and Julie & Julia

We had my in-laws over for dinner on Saturday night. My mother-in-law just turned 89 (father-in-law achieved this milestone last August, when we were in Canada). Happily, my sister-in-law Linda (treasurer of Katie's Comforters Guild) and her husband Bill joined us, so we had a nice little party of six.

The night before this, on Friday, I went to a "Julie & Julia" dinner party - a tribute to Julia Child and her impact in bringing French cuisine to America - ladies only. You may recall that I hosted last year's event; this year, it was at the home of our friend, Julie.

Heidi & Julie

I have to say, there is nothing like a wonderful group of women, gathered together in the spirit of fun, fellowship and food.

 

When I saw the beautiful table that Julie had set for us, I thought, "Only a group of women would do this for each other." I just don't see guys appreciating all of this.



Men out there - am I wrong? Please tell me if I am, and I will retract that!

Our hostess, Julie, with Cami, Suzanne, Heidi, Denise, Kay, Pam, Heather & me

I made Brie en Croute, accompanied by pears, apples and crackers (both sweet and savory). We also had onion & anchovy tarts, cheese tarts, onion soup, salade Nicoise, beef tenderloin with mushrooms, roasted acorn squash, sorbet bombe and chocolate tart - and lots and lots of wine: champagne, sparkling, white, blush, red & dessert. There was MUCH laughter and loud talking. It got progressively louder and more raucous as the evening and festivities went on. 

Unflattering, but the camera doesn't lie...

 We planned ahead and had designated drivers; everyone got home safely.

Thank you, Julie (& Julia, for inspiring us)!

Photos courtesy of Julie