Why I Love St. Paul's Story

Today is the Feast of the Conversion of St. Paul, the Apostle of Jesus Christ. If you aren't familiar with the stories about St. Paul, in a tiny nutshell: he was a devout Jew who was intent on destroying the new movement of those who believed that Jesus was indeed the Messiah for whom they had been waiting. He had people imprisoned - and killed - because he was so passionate about his faith in Judaism as it was. He thought that Christians were heretics.

The scriptural passages for today are deeply inspiring, showing a life of "righteousness" and "success" which was suddenly turned around due to the revelation of a deeper truth. Paul received an understanding which reversed the way he served God. He had originally believed he was serving God by persecuting Christians, but Jesus revealed to him that this was not His Way. Paul saw the light - was in fact temporarily blinded by it - heard that voice, asked what he was to do, and obeyed. He was baptized and cured of his blindness by a Christian, and immediately joined their group.

What followed this conversion - Paul's decision to live the life that Jesus offered to him - is responsible for much of what we know as the Letters to the Churches in the New Testament. God chose a murderous, legalistic zealot, showed him a blinding light, and spoke to him in a voice which he could hear. In so doing, He ended the murderous behavior and sent that light into "the world" as it was known then, and the larger world, which we know now.

You can read Paul's own account of his conversion experience, and a third-person account, here:
http://www.usccb.org/bible/readings/012512.cfm

This is not to say that Christianity is the only way to live, or that Jewish people are bad or wrong.
What it does say to me is that legalism, inflexibility, "us vs. them" or self-righteous attitudes can lead us to do the wrong things for what we sincerely believe are the right reasons.

It gives me hope for myself, that my feeble, backsliding behavior, mistakes and misunderstandings will not - cannot - stop the work that God has for me to do. Thanks be to God!

"Rest in this: it is His business to lead, command, impel, send, call, or whatever you want to call it. It is your business to obey, follow, move, respond, or what have you... The sound of 'gentle stillness' after all the thunder and wind have passed will be the ultimate Word from God." - Jim Elliot

Easter and After

We had a wonderful Easter weekend. I hope you did, too.

David arrived home on Thursday evening, in time for dinner. On Friday, we had the privilege of hosting Dr. Michael Jensen and his lovely wife for dinner here, with our neighbors. Our neighbor (the husband) is an immunologist, and his wife is a cancer survivor. It was a fun and lively evening, and I am so thankful that we were able to break bread together.

David wanted to go to the beach for a hike, so on Saturday (the one warm day we've had this spring), we took a drive to a favorite beach, and set out for about 6 miles with a picnic lunch.

On Sunday, we took my parents with us to my brother and sister-in-law's home for brunch. It was great to be together for a family feast.

David returned to school on Monday, and we hosted Gregg's parents for dinner that night. Since then, I have been writing and editing all week, and yesterday, I FINISHED MY ROUGH DRAFT of the Family-Centered Care transcript - 83+ pages! Now, I have to edit the draft, pick out the most important themes, and add photographs. Phew! I feel as if I've given birth - but not exactly like that, because there is so much more to do. However, I need to enjoy and celebrate this little milestone in the present moment.

THIS article tells about the dear nurse who died by suicide. I have decided that, since I brought the topic up here, I will share what I have learned since. The article, and more background, were posted by THIS blogger, who is new to me. She did a good job of reporting what she knew. I believe that those who appreciate and support the doctors and nurses who do their best to care for others on a daily basis may find it interesting. Having said that, I need to add that I love our doctors and nurses, and I love Seattle Children's Hospital; I am not passing judgment. I am grieving the course of events, beginning with the death of precious Kaia, that has led to another family's bereavement.

May this season of Easter, and the hope that it offers, bless you. As Father Rohr says,

"The defining pattern for the entire universe is death and resurrection, loss and renewal. There are no exceptions. This pre-announcement is good news for us, if we can hear it...Gospel confirms the redemptive pattern that is transforming all things, and keeps the entire circle of life circling. Nothing will be left to finally and forever die. Now we can trust what seems like a free fall into absurdity.

"We are all living and dying in the same universal pattern, and we need not be shocked, surprised, or waste time trying to change or deny the dying of all things...Stephen Levine said that our fear of death comes from 'our imagined loss of our imagined individuality.' Both imaginings are untrue. There is no loss, only a return to the deepest Ground of our Being. What feels like a free fall is in fact a leap into the one and only Life." - Adapted from Great Themes of St. Paul: Life as Participation

Thank God for the hope of our eventual return to that "deepest Ground of our Being," which I believe to be LOVE.

How Would This Feel?

Jn 20:11-18

Mary Magdalene stayed outside the tomb weeping.

And as she wept, she bent over into the tomb
and saw two angels in white sitting there,
one at the head and one at the feet
where the Body of Jesus had been.
And they said to her, “Woman, why are you weeping?”

She said to them, “They have taken my Lord,

and I don’t know where they laid him.”
When she had said this, she turned around and saw Jesus there,
but did not know it was Jesus.
Jesus said to her, “Woman, why are you weeping?
Whom are you looking for?”
She thought it was the gardener and said to him,
“Sir, if you carried him away,
tell me where you laid him,
and I will take him.”
Jesus said to her, “Mary!”
She turned and said to him in Hebrew, “Rabbouni,”
which means Teacher.
Jesus said to her, “Stop holding on to me,

for I have not yet ascended to the Father.

But go to my brothers and tell them,
‘I am going to my Father and your Father,
to my God and your God.’”
Mary went and announced to the disciples,
“I have seen the Lord,”
and then reported what he had told her.

I love this part of the Resurrection story.

It's Mary's worst nightmare being turned around into her greatest joy. I identify very deeply with Mary's emotions in this passage.

She can't move. She just sits at his tomb and weeps. But then, as she weeps, she bends over and looks into the tomb...and there are two angels sitting there! Not only does she see two angels, but they speak to her!

Personally, I find it odd that these angels asked her why she was crying. Um, I'm sitting here at a TOMB; isn't it obvious? And you're angels; aren't you supposed to have supernatural powers? But perhaps she needs to be asked what she is really grieving about, for her own sake, for clarity.

I imagine that she would be crying because he died, but she says she is crying because she doesn't know where he has been taken.

Then Jesus appears, and speaks to her, and she thinks he is a gardener. She mistakes her Lord for a laborer in the graveyard. Is he that much changed, or is her grief clouding her vision?

Again she is asked why she is weeping, and this time, also who she is seeking.

The love and longing in her simple request speaks volumes to me:  “Sir, if you carried him away, tell me where you laid him, and I will take him.” Oh, let me have his precious body back, please! The power of that physical longing, to be near the one who has gone!

And all he has to say is her name: "Mary." Spoken by his beloved voice; she hears her name and recognizes him at once.

Can you imagine what you would do? I would throw myself into his arms, I would grab him and hold him so tightly...but he says to Mary - one of his dearest friends - “Stop holding on to me..."

A new kind of relationship, a new kind of love - one that requires letting go. Oh, dear Lord, why do we have to do it this way? I've heard it said that it's so that You can be everywhere, anywhere, for all of us and with us. But it is so hard to stop holding on.