"Send Me Someone" by Diana von Welanetz Wentworth and
I chose these books for various reasons, but mostly because it was a year after Diane had died, and I still wanted to understand more of what had happened, and to learn from it.
Now I wonder if I wasn't impelled to read them for other reasons, having something to do with being prepared for what was about to happen in our lives...without my knowledge, being given a desire to learn what I needed to know.
Yesterday, I checked out "What Remains" and "Send Me Someone" from the library again, for the first time since I read them in 2006. I am re-reading "What Remains" first. It resonates so strongly with me that I don't quite know how to tell you about it. I understand what she was talking about now, so much better than I did before. The hospital terminology, the descriptions of the ICU, the supply closets, the drug protocols, meetings with doctors; the isolation of the situation, even when you are surrounded by dozens of people. I feel for her profound loneliness after the death of her husband and his cousins, because then she was the only one left who really knew.
For me to have been led to read these books makes me think that Someone was watching over me in deep Love, preparing me in a gentle, personal way for what could (apparently) not be changed or avoided. I don't know, but it feels true.