In my family of origin, not everyone gets along really well. I have begun to dread the ALL TOGETHER gatherings. I can take some combinations of people, but the ones who do not get along are so uncomfortable that it makes me miserable to be around them, and I am going to try, from now on, to avoid the entire clan gathered together, unless something improves. This is not a slam to anyone; it's just that I do not intend to expose myself to that negative energy any longer.
Having said that, it puts a bit of a damper on efforts to gather to celebrate special days, including Mother's Day. I'm a mother, too. On top of that, last year at this time, we were able to go to Seattle to a wonderful restaurant for dinner, and Katie got dressed up for it, and even ate some dinner with us. She was smiling and happy. I was happy.
It's not that way this year.
That was my last Mother's Day with my only daughter, and though I am blessed with a marvelous son whom I adore, and for whom I am deeply thankful, I'll never spend Mother's Day with Katie again, never hold her babies and celebrate her Mother's Day, etc., etc.
It's going to be hard to face it this year, and though Gregg has kindly asked me what I want to do on Mother's Day, I have no idea. Just none.
Yesterday, I was in my car and listening to Jackson Browne again. He has a song called, "Sky Blue and Black," which we love. Part of it says:
"If you ever need holding, call my name, I'll be there;
If you ever need holding, no holding back, I'll see you through...
You're the color of the sky reflected in each storefront windowpane;
You're the whispering and the sighing of my tires in the rain.
You're the hidden cost and the thing that's lost in everything I do,
Yeah, and I'll never stop looking for you
In the sunlight and the shadow and the faces on the avenue. That's the way love is..."
That's how I feel about Katie.