Field's End Writers' Community

"At the field's end, in the corner missed by the mower
Where the turf drops off into a grass-hidden culvert,
Haunt of the cat-bird, nesting-place of the field-mouse...
One learned of the eternal..." - from "The Far Field," a poem by Theodore Roethke

You may recall reading here about a writer's conference I attended two years ago on Bainbridge Island at lovely IslandWood. The organization which hosted the conference is called Field's End, and local author David Guterson is one of its founders. I attended with a bit of fear and trembling; it felt presumptuous to call myself a "writer," just as it has always felt presumptuous to call myself an "artist," though I majored in art in college and have many years of experience in creative expression.

Criticism of the product - whatever I produced - is part of the classroom experience for an art major, and I internalized all of the many critiques I received, until I began to experience fear and blockage when faced with a blank canvas...so I stopped painting altogether. That's what I call an artistic injury.

There is a wonderful painter/teacher named Flora Bowley 

whose writing and approach to art (and living) 

is helping me to re-visit this injury, 

and to breathe healing energy toward that place.

I hope - someday - to attend one of her workshops, 

and for now, am benefiting from reading

and reflecting on her blog postings and newsletters.

Back to writing: after Katie died, writing became a lifeline for me, and I grabbed hold of it, writing freely and frequently. Writing has always felt like a natural outcome of my inclination to talk and to process my feelings verbally. Though I wrote regularly on several blogs (this one, and three on my sidebar: Katie's Comforters Guild, the Katie Gerstenberger Endowment and Hopeful Parents), I didn't think of myself as, nor dare to call myself, a "writer."

I wrote and published "Because of Katie," served as a speaker, was published in magazines, but still the inner critic slid over from the painter-side of my brain and whispered, "...But you SELF-published your book; you're not a REAL writer, yet!" So I was hesitant to even attend this workshop. Thanks to encouragement from warm-hearted friends who also wanted to attend, I went anyway - and loved it.

A post-writer's-workshop function

I've since put my name on the mailing list for Field's End newsletters and email, and due to the inspiration received at the conference, my friends and I formed our own writing group, the "Sh*tty First Draft Writing Group" (the name is a nod to Anne Lamott's advice to budding writers to get your fanny into a chair and make "sh*tty first drafts," saving the editing for later).

A few weeks ago, Field's End put out a call for volunteers, and though I couldn't attend the meeting to learn what they needed, I replied to the call and arranged to meet two of the members of the Core Team afterward. I thought I might be able to help with hospitality, registration and whatnot. It was fun to meet both Barbara and Kathleen; they are welcoming, encouraging, kind and open-minded. We shared a lively brainstorming session, and the result of that meeting is this: I was invited to join, and am now a member of, Field's End's Core Team! It's an exciting step for me.

Field's End recently sent out a questionnaire to its mailing list and received 400 responses; that is a sure sign of a vibrant writers' community! Their mission statement includes these words:

"Field's End serves the writers' community and nurtures the written word through lectures, workshops, and instruction in the art, craft, and profession of writing."

The core team seeks to encourage writers who have not yet started, and desire to do so, as well as those who are farther down the path of writing; those who have self-published as well as those who have a publisher. It's a welcoming organization, not a snobbish/exclusive one, and I sense that there will be no artistic injuries inflicted here; perhaps even repair and restoration may come to those who have been silenced by an inner (or an outer) critic. I can't wait to see what unfolds.

Words Cannot Do Justice, but I'll Try

Words cannot do justice to the excitement of the events of this past week, but I am going to try to express it anyway.

First things first: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, GREGG!

Gregg as a baby in his sister Linda's arms

Last week's book event at Eagle Harbor Books was a success. I know that it's bad manners to toot one's own horn, but I must tell you that I heard from the Events Coordinator (thank you, Victoria) that I was the bookstore's best-selling author last week.

"Because of Katie" outsold J.K. Rowling's new book!

YES, you read that correctly - my book topped the Harry Potter series' author's new book! See for yourself (and order a copy) here.

At the book event with Dr. Jensen (photo credit: Eagle Harbor Book Co. website)

It was a joy to have Dr. Michael Jensen and some of his family attend the event. It helped enormously to look out at the dear, caring faces in the audience and have the privilege of introducing them to this man who is changing the way cancer is treated, here and now. To have him answer their questions was a gift.

One of the most encouraging aspects of this event was the feedback I received from those who attended. Several people who have not been active in this area told me personally that they are now inspired to get involved. They realized after listening that there is something that they can do to help - and this is always a blessing to hear, because it is an important part of my message: you are not helpless; everyone can do something to help others.

I spent most of the following week writing on a deadline. I had about 18 essays to complete, limited to 125 words each. I invite you to try that - write an essay on a deep topic, and then whittle it down to 125 words. It's much easier to write screeds than to be concise! I'm applying for acceptance to an educational program (which I will announce if I'm accepted; if not, we'll say no more about it). I did my best with the application, and now, will let go of the outcome.

The Ben Towne Foundation's 3rd annual BENefit was Friday, September 28th. There were 1,100 people in attendance; the BENefit has more than doubled in size since its beginning, just two years ago!

On the ferry, en route to the BENefit. I think this is the only photo of us from the evening. Imagine a blue silk dress and scarf, belted at the waist, with blue suede shoes on me and a gorgeous blue, Italian suit on Gregg , with jacket - no tie.

We filled a table with my parents, my brother and sister-in-law, and our friends Reba, Bill, Mary Jane and Brian. Reba and Bill's daughter Hannah, and Mary Jane and Brian's daughter, Jenny, both died from brain tumors - both near the same age as Katie. It was their first time at the Ben Towne Foundation BENefit, but they have all been active in pediatric cancer research support.

We saw old friends among Seattle Children's Hospital staff, and met the new president of the hospital. We hugged, we celebrated, we remembered - and we were moved. Jeff and Carin Towne both spoke eloquently, as they always do.

At the BENefit, Dr. Jensen spoke and brought us to tears with this news (quote borrowed from the Ben Towne Foundation's facebook page update): "the first ever clinical trial application from the Ben Towne Center for Childhood Cancer Research for treating relapsed pediatric leukemia using reprogrammed T cells was approved by the United States Food and Drug Administration!"

This is the kind of treatment about which we could only dream when Katie was sick, with rapid results and no long-term, debilitating side-effects. We have actually seen more than one video of T-cells EATING cancer cells - it gives me the chills and makes me cry, in a good way. In five short years, we have moved from "we don't understand how the immune system works well enough to harness it for cancer treatment" to "it's happening, NOW." And it can be applied to adult cancer, as well as pediatric cancer; everyone benefits.

It's the answer to prayer - many, many prayers. You can watch this clip about it on the website of local news station KING 5.
 If you can give anything to pediatric cancer research, this is the place where I suggest you give it; this is where the income from the Katie Gerstenberger Endowment for Cancer Research goes.

Early in the morning after the BENefit, Gregg & I took a spur-of-the-moment mini-vacation to Victoria, B.C. It was Gregg's idea to go away for one night and two days on super short notice. We had a blast, as we usually do in that city. I would love to live there.

Lunch in our favorite Japanese restaurant.

Autumn light on the Empress Hotel.

My love, laughing over breakfast.

The view from the breakfast table.

The past couple of months have been a bit bumpy here, and this was a welcome time of rest and refreshment, a time to simply enjoy the natural beauty of a city we love during one of the most spectacular times of the year. Sunshine, crisp temperatures - perfect for 10 miles walking all around the neighborhoods we admire. We ate and drank well, browsed and window-shopped, went to a pub for live music and slept as late as we wanted to sleep. Up again the next morning for more walking and sightseeing.

The people in Victoria are polite, kind and helpful. We know our way around pretty well after all of these years, but when we stopped to discuss which way we wanted to go, several people saw us and offered help, thinking we were lost. We weren't lost, but we were impressed by their kindness!

Our dear neighbors took care of letting the cats in and out while we were away (thanks, Cami & John!). Upon our return, Liger climbed on my lap, and I felt something sharp when I petted him. Upon investigation, I discovered a cat's claw embedded in his head! I'm not sure what happened while we were away, but Liger is fine, and some other cat (we suspect Latte) is missing a claw. Serves the aggressor right!

Liger (a.k.a. "the Baby")

Today is a catch-up day for me, and when he gets home, we will celebrate Gregg's birthday. I'm thinking that "joy, awe and gratitude" are the best words to sum up the events of the past week.

Shout it From the Rooftops

We've had a fantastic week here. I am in a rush, so I'm going to give you the "Reader's Digest" version, and hope to fill in later.

-Maribeth was here for a visit.

-I gave a presentation to over 50 people at Eagle Harbor Book Co. about "Because of Katie," Katie's Comforters Guild and Dr. Michael Jensen's work at the Ben Towne Center for Childhood Cancer Research. Dr. Jensen was there, and answered the questions that were over my head. Awareness was raised. Hope grew. Books were sold and signed.

- An article is in the works for the fall edition of Pomona College Magazine (the publication of one of my alma maters) which will tell about Katie's Comforters and the pediatric cancer journey, also highlighting "Because of Katie."

- I received the following message via email (and permission to share it) from one of the oncologists who worked on Katie's treatment protocol at St. Jude's Children's Hospital. Check out his title (below), as he is now at Peyton Manning Children's Hospital:

"Hello Karen:

 

Thank you very much for sending me a personalized copy of your wonderful book as well as copy of the CD’s. I greatly enjoyed reading  your book, and was very moved and inspired by the way you told your story. I really liked the practical tips of “ what to do and Don’t” at the end of the book, and I advised Child Life and Hospice services at our Hospital to purchase the book and distribute copies to selected families.

Yesterday...I was able to watch the CD’s and learned a lot from your narration as well as from the interviews with different HCP and spiritual team. I applaud you for your efforts and really am of the conviction that the book and CD’s will fill a gap in the education of parents of cancer patients as well as many health care professionals taking care of children with cancer.

 

Again, warmest Congratulations on accomplishing this project and thanks for sharing it with me.

 

Best regards,

Bassem"

 

Bassem I. Razzouk MD, FAAP

Clinical Voluntary Professor, Cincinnati Children's Hospital

Medical Director

Children's Center For Cancer and Blood Diseases

Medical Director , Pediatric Hospice Services

Peyton Manning Children's Hospital at St. Vincent

Indianapolis IN

Now, we can shout it from the rooftops: "Because of Katie" and our DVDs are in use at two eminent children's hospitals! Thanks be to God.  
Now, to spread the word to other institutions!

 

Thank You!

Thank you all for your kind words, thoughts and prayers of support for me after my last posting. I really did not intend any judgment, condemnation or harm to that well-meaning lady. I just needed to vent, and vent I did.

Your understanding and compassion helped me. The passing of a few days helped me. Venting to my husband and a few other trusted friends/family members helped. And a few choice words from people of great wisdom and spiritual practice helped. Here are a few of them.

Fr. Richard Rohr wrote:  “ 'Thy kingdom come,' as we say in the Our Father, clearly means that the Kingdom is something that enters into this world or, as Jesus puts it elsewhere, the Reign of God 'is close at hand' (Mark 1:15, Matthew 4:17). Don’t project it onto a later world. The Kingdom of God breaks into this world whenever people act as God would act.

When that can happen in terms of structures or groups, then you have a taste of the Kingdom descending to earth. To be realistic and honest, this seldom happens with more than 'two or three' rightly gathered (Matthew 18:20). It is the critical mass, or 'leaven' and 'salt' who can and will change the world. This is Jesus' basic and first image of church, yet it is found only in Matthew’s Gospel. It is sad to say, but institutions as institutions can seldom operate at a Kingdom level, except on paper and by occasional courageous decisions. They can also educate, protect, and promote enlightened individuals, as many churches and organizations often do." - Adapted from Jesus' Plan for a New World: The Sermon on the Mount, p. 110

Georgia O'Keefe wrote: "I got half-a-dozen paintings from that shattered plate."

Pema Chodron wrote: "It’s not impermanence per se, or even knowing we’re going to die, that is the cause of our suffering, the Buddha taught. Rather, it’s our resistance to the fundamental uncertainty of our situation. Our discomfort arises from all of our efforts to put ground under our feet, to realize our dream of constant okayness. When we resist change, it’s called suffering. But when we can completely let go and not struggle against it, when we can embrace the groundlessness of our situation and relax into its dynamic quality, that’s called enlightenment, or awakening to our true nature, to our fundamental goodness. Another word for that is freedom—freedom from struggling against the fundamental ambiguity of being human."

There are several lessons to learn from what happened at Bible study. One lesson is to recall with great humility and honesty that I might have taken just that sort of stance ten or 20 years ago, due to my world-view; horrible thought, but true! Another lesson is to be grateful that no one, up until now, has spoken to me in that way. Another lesson is that perhaps - just perhaps - I don't get out in "uncontrolled social situations" quite enough.

Whatever the take-away from this, thanks to you for your kindness and supportive words. May all of us (including me) learn more compassion for others! 

And a reminder: tomorrow at 3:00 P.M., I'll be presenting at Eagle Harbor Book Co. on Bainbridge Island about progress in childhood cancer research, Katie's Comforters Guild and my book, "Because of Katie." I hope you will join us!

Please Join Us at Eagle Harbor Book Co.!

 

On Sunday, September 23rd at 3:00 P.M., 

I will be signing and reading excerpts from my book, "Because of Katie," and showing a brief video about the Ben Towne Foundation's work

at Eagle Harbor Books 

at 157 Winslow Way East on Bainbridge Island. 

There will be quilts from Katie's Comforters Guild on display, and information about progress in childhood cancer research, all in honor of Childhood Cancer Awareness Month. 

Please come and join us!