A Word of Gratitude to My Nana Emilie

Dear Blogging peeps: I love you and this blogging community very much. Lately, my life has been so busy that I feel I'm not able to do justice in writing the depth and quality which I prefer to share with you here. The other writing that I'm doing just now - editing the video transcript - is deep work, delving into memories of the hardest period of my life. I can't seem to write from my depths there AND here at the same time. I miss y'all, and I will be back, but for now, it appears that you are going to get the "fluff."

The enormous pile of laundry next to me on the couch, and the pile of shirts and tablecloth that need ironing are beckoning to me. But before I attend to those, I have to express thanks to my Nana Emilie for something really important that she passed on to me.

Nana & Coco, 1960s

When I was growing up, my grandparents lived a much more luxurious lifestyle than we did. They had live-in help, a large home, the highest-quality of clothes, furnishings, food and  travel. They were charitable and community-minded. They were not religious nor faithful, but they were dutiful and upheld the conventions of their religion.

Emilie Bloch, Mills College, ca. 1925

Nana Emilie was a highly unusual woman for her time. She was a college graduate, had spent a year on scholarship, studying in France at the University of Lyons (with her mother as her chaperone!), had a master's degree, and taught at the university level before her marriage. She didn't want to be a socialite; she wanted to do something more than simply being social. However, when it came to homemaking, she left those duties to others - cook, housekeeper, driver, gardener and even a nanny. She was a devoted wife and civic worker, but not a hands-on mother.

Nana & Coco with Deb, Jim & me in their garden

My parents expressed some ambivalence about my grandparents as I was growing up. They had good qualities which my parents acknowledged, but also difficult ones, with which they struggled. My mother took a different path of wife-and-motherhood - she was hands-on with us. We listened to my parents' conversations about my grandparents' lifestyle and personalities, and we were aware that our family lived differently, on purpose. However, my sister, brother and I found many things to admire and enjoy about my grandparents, particularly as we grew more mature. Nana showed more interest in each one of us as we grew more intellectually capable; she wasn't much interested in babies or toddlers.

Nana telling me that "the wedding is just the beginning; it's the marriage that matters!"

Nana taught us to speak French. She read stories to us in French. Nana & Coco took us to the Seattle Art Museum, to Volunteer Park and to the Arboretum near their home. They took us to the opera and symphony. We were occasionally taken to Canada, or to San Francisco to see relatives and learn about Nana's home and her college days. These trips were a bit strange, for us, because my grandparents were so unaccustomed to doing things for themselves, but it was an adventure in living a privileged lifestyle which we did enjoy. Fancy hotels, room service, exclusive clubs and restaurants and shopping expeditions were fun, special treats for us. The formality was a bit of a strain, but my parents had done an excellent job of preparing us for it. We all remember the night we first encountered finger bowls at our great-aunt and -uncle's dinner table. My father still enjoys the memory of how well the three of us children coped - and it was because he and my mother had taken care to teach us how to behave politely, so that we could go ANYwhere.

When Nana was getting rather elderly, she used to say that grandchildren were the great compensation for growing old.

Today, I went to see my massage therapist. The reason that I have a massage therapist is that Nana Emilie used to have a massage every week (toward the end of her life - in her 90s - she had massage twice a week). Nana introduced us to massage by giving us the gift of occasional appointments with her Swiss massage therapist, Mireille, who I love. We secretly thought this weekly appointment was a bit of a wicked extravagence on Nana's part, particularly since she didn't do any real manual labor or exercise that made it seem necessary. I couldn't imagine taking the time and funds to have a massage regularly - until Katie passed away. After that, I gave up one big luxury (housecleaning help) in order to have a massage every other week. I clean my own house, so I can have massage therapy; it's a worthwhile trade. I wouldn't have it unless Nana Emilie had set the example that showed that it is a huge help to our health, and that we are worth it. It has been an essential component of my grief healing work. Meeting Mireille, and learning from her, made a huge impression upon me; Mireille is a healer. Sadly, she moved back to Switzerland a few years ago, but happily, she is back here visiting now - and we are going to see her next week!

Thank you, Nana Emilie, for teaching me about one of the greatest therapies in my life! I don't know what I would do without it now.