Thursday, March 12, 2009

After-thoughts

I've noticed that, after a bad "attack" of grief, I feel as if I've been really sick, like after having the flu. I am lethargic, slow, tired and want to stay home and be quiet. I have felt like that for much of this week, since Katie's birthday was so hard. I do what I have to do, but I'm happy to do very little.

I think it's worth noting that we are adapting, in that we trudge along with our "everyday grief," missing Katie every day -- this is our "new normal" -- but when we hit an anniversary or a significant holiday, things get much worse, invisibly, and very quickly. It's like falling into a rabbit-hole, and I think it's good to be aware of this. Perhaps when the next big day is approaching, I will remember this and offer myself (and the family) some extra grace.

5 comments:

Dawn~^i^Brandon^i^, Jordan, and Seth's mom said...

Praying for you, and "sharing" with you in your after thoughts!

Busy Bee Suz said...

It would be hard to imagine that feeling grief would NOT be physically draining...
You have been running a marathon my friend. take a breather when you can.
Hugs,
suz

Kay said...

So true. Give yourself a break and rest.

Hugs and prayers to you.
kay

Jennifer said...

Grief has such physical manifestations (fatigue being one of the "aftermath" ones). I think your self-awareness of the way grief/sadness/just a dark weight peaks, underneath the surface, around significant events is crucial. Just simply to know that it is there, or it is coming, which helps to make sense of it.

It sounds as if you have been acknowledging the lethargy and listening to your spirit and what you need, and remaining quiet. Such a good thing. You are fighting a hard, hard battle, Karen. Stay quiet, stay still, for as long as you need ...

Standing with you,
Jennifer

AnnDeO said...

Our family mantra ever since my mother's untimely death has been, "Breathe, stand up straight, drink water." And then in private we ascribe to... "call in sick". I liken those days to being drowned in maple syrup, slow and sticky and tired.