Deeply Blessed

This has been a season of deep blessing.

The most recent blessing was received last last night, when Gregg and I got to meet and break bread with Karen & Joe Johnson, of the "Firefly Ranch" and "From Paradise to Plan B" blogs (you can find them on my sidebar).

Karen & Joe are the parents of Joey, a gorgeous young man who passed away due to SUDEP in the very prime of his joyful, talented life. Karen writes beautifully about her journey on her blogs, and by the grace of God, we met online. We were joined by Robin (Josh's mom) and Chris (Sarah's mom) in writing through our spiritual journeys with grief on a private blog. The process brought us close to one other in our hearts, though we live apart, geographically speaking.

I have had the pleasure of meeting both Chris and Robin (and their husbands) in person, but had never met Karen and Joe...until they flew into Seattle last night for a brief layover, on their way home to Virginia. Gregg and I drove to SeaTac, picked them up, took them to a nearby restaurant, and enjoyed a couple of hours of instantaneous  fellowship. It went all too quickly, leaving much more to discuss; we hope they will be back for "round #2" soon. Thank you for dinner, Karen & Joe! Next time, please be our guests!

Prior to Karen & Joe's visit, another great blessing occurred. That is a story which deserves to be told in installments.

 “…See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.” - Isaiah 43:19 NIV

I took a trip - a journey is a more accurate description – to Rancho La Puerta in Tecate, Mexico. It was a life-enhancing week of reflection, new activities, delicious organic food in healthy portions, gentle self-care, fellowship and learning. 

Read along if you want to hear what it’s like to step outside of your regular lifestyle, off of the merry-go-round, unplug from “the grid,” and do everything with an open mind and heart in a warm, welcoming atmosphere.

Before I embarked on this adventure – a couple of months ago – I was talking to Katie in my mind one night, before I went to sleep. I told her that I was doing the best that I can with what I have - doing my best to honor her life. I heard her reply as clearly as if she was in the room with me: “That’s great Mom, but what about your life? The rest of your life doesn’t have to be all about my life.”

Whoa. That stopped me in my tracks, and I’ve been pondering it ever since.

What could be next for me, if it isn’t about Katie? I reflected. I was me before she got sick, before her passing – even before she arrived in our lives. I was me before David’s arrival, before my marriage to Gregg. What about me – what is my own life about, now?

This trip came at the perfect time to open to that question. 

I have wanted to take a spa retreat (and a spiritual retreat) since our children were small. My mom and I have spent a day here and there at a spa, and have been away on church retreats, but we’ve never taken one like this. It seemed self-indulgent - something that other people did, but not me. I wanted to do it, but never would have treated myself to it. My mom’s generosity – and her need for a break, after a difficult summer – made it possible.

As the date of departure approached, I wondered how to open my heart to prepare for the experience. The words that dropped into my mind were: “See, I am doing a new thing…” I didn’t recall where in the Bible that phrase originated, but I knew that it was God speaking. That phrase became my mantra as I prepared, mentally and physically, for the trip. I resolved to look for Him everywhere, to intentionally allow God to do a “new thing” - whatever that meant - with me.

Gregg and I flew to Palm Springs and drove to my parents' condo. He and my dad had a week of activities planned; Mom and I got up early the next day and set out for San Diego. Five highways and 2 ½ hours later, I dropped off the rental car and we were met at the airport by the welcoming staff of the ranch. They took our bags, gave us each a bottle of water and a little bag of homemade granola, and invited us to board their van. 

After another couple of hours on the road (and a border crossing), we arrived at the gates of the ranch. We were each greeted with a fresh cup of lemonade and a cool towel as we disembarked the van. 

Following the porter who took our bags, my first sensation was of the delicious scent of herbs. The largest rosemary bushes I had ever seen, abloom with purple flowers, as well as laurel, lavender, sage and thyme, wafted their fragrance in the warm air, enlivening our senses with nature’s aromatherapy. As we followed the young man along the path to our casita, enjoying the perfume in the air, I began to see that this was going to be a trip greater than anything I had imagined.

Thanksgiving...and Graduation

Tonight, I'll be finishing my course through the National Speakers Association's Northwest Speakers Academy. I've been taking classes through the academy since February, and am thankful for the opportunity to learn from professional speakers and trainers about how they do what they do. This class has helped to bring me more up-to-date on current trends in business (especially for the self-employed), and it has exposed me to many different business models and styles of presentation, from keynote speaking to workshops, on topics that run the gamut from accounting to comedy - and sometimes, even combine the two.

I'm giving my final speech tonight (I am supposed to memorize it, but that's not going to happen - I have it down to notes, because that's how I roll). Each one of us will be videotaped by a professional, in front of a live audience. (I might even post it, if all goes well...)

Here are a few fun photos from our visit to see my parents over the Thanksgiving holiday. It was wonderful to be with them - and with David - for a week! I hope your holiday was filled with the company of loved ones, the riches of gratitude - and very good food.

beautiful flowers - a welcome sight in November!

sunsets are breathtaking

girls' spa morning and lunch afterward

always plenty of good restaurants to visit

rooftop happy hour

playing tennis: the boys, ranging in age from 21 to 58 to 86

a last hurrah at our favorite palapa bar on the way to the airport

"Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good,
for his mercy endures forever.
It is better to take refuge in the LORD
than to trust in man.
It is better to take refuge in the LORD
than to trust in princes...
I will give thanks to you, for you have answered me
and have been my savior. 
O LORD, grant salvation!
O LORD, grant prosperity!
...The LORD is God, and he has given us light." - Psalm 118

 Thanks be to God.

Spring Vacation 2012

Gregg, David and I just returned from 6 days in Palm Desert, California with my parents. We flew down to spend a part of David's Spring Break in the condo, celebrating
my father's 85th birthday (a few days early)

Dad's birthday dinner at the bistro of his choice

and enjoying a little break from the Pacific Northwest's winter resurgence. It SNOWED while we were away! The temperature was in the 80s in the desert...aaaaahhhh.

This is the way they treat their median strips in the neighborhood

When we visit my parents in "the desert," we all have a few things that we like to do:
tennis
golf (for the men)
spa (for the women)
dinners "out"
daily walks in the sunshine
window shopping on El Paseo
car watching (for David)
enjoying flowers in bloom (I went a little bit bonkers over the flowers this time).

Hibiscus in the foreground; bougainvillea in the background

A lot of my parents' friends have homes in the area. It seems that "snowbirds" in the East tend to go to Florida; some from the West go to Arizona, but most of my parents' friends have chosen the Coachella Valley. So when we are in the desert, we sometimes get to visit with their friends, too. This time, Charlotte had us over for dinner, along with two of her dear friends, Sue and Betty Ann.

David & Katie in the pool at Charlotte & Fred's club in the desert

How well I recall other visits with Charlotte and Fred in the desert; our kids always loved to see them. Charlotte and David get along "like a house on fire," as she is a mother (and grandmother) to boys - she understands and enjoys David, and the feeling is mutual. Her community seems to have a rare collection of fabulous cars, and David always has fun seeing what is new in the clubhouse parking lot. This time, he saw his dream car of the year: the Mercedes SLS AMG (don't ask me; I don't know anything about it). He even took photos of it.

Another night, we ate in a French cafe and were seated at a table with a view onto one of the swankiest shopping streets in the area...which meant more avid car-watching for David. And it was practically a dog-show, as well. This is a place where people dress their dogs; we have seen a tutu, and even sunglasses, on dogs. Very amusing indeed - better than TV!

We took my parents out for dinner to celebrate my dad's birthday...

 ...ate dinner at home, played cards, sat by the pool, enjoyed a margarita and a beer or two...

...and let go of all things "work" and "school."

A break is healthy for everyone...

...except when there is a bug going around in the area, and there is one in the Coachella Valley, right now. If you watch the BNP Paribas Tennis Tournament, many of the players are also coming down with it, and David caught it on our last night in California. Fortunately, it was only a 12-hour bug, and he was able to fly home safely and comfortably, with no infection to others (so far, so good).

Today, we are unpacking and settling in back at home. Gregg and I took a brisk walk in the sun and breeze today. Vacation is wonderful, but it always feels good to be at home!

Family Vacation

I hope you all had a lovely Thanksgiving holiday. We were in Palm Desert, visiting my parents at their winter home. David was able to join us. It was fabulous to be together in the sun, after the cold snap we had in Western Washington.

The night before we left home, about 4 inches of snow fell, and the power went out all over our county. We lost phone, internet and TV, but the electricity stayed on - thanks be to God! I had JUST printed our boarding passes. Western Washington has very limited snow removal equipment, and many hills which become treacherous in icy conditions.

We couldn't sleep, because a state of emergency had been declared, and emergency services were recommending that everyone stay off the roads unless you HAD to travel - for an emergency. Is an airline reservation for vacation an emergency? I didn't think so, but Gregg did. We got up around 2 a.m., had coffee, made sandwiches and left for the ferry dock at 3:30 to catch a 4:40 A.M. ferry.

On the way, we passed all kinds of cars abandoned in ditches and on the side of the road. Dozens of cars. I covered my eyes most of the way, but we made it safely to the airport (thanks to Gregg's skill and calm), JUST in time to catch our flight - which had been delayed for an hour, due to the fact that its crew had trouble getting to the airport.

 A week in the sun was most welcome. We celebrated David's birthday, my mom's birthday and Thanksgiving.

Cribbage between David & Kappa, with hors d'oeuvres for everyone - a tradition.
Sometimes it's Grandma vs. David for Gin Rummy.

Cooking stuffing & potatoes at the condo. Gregg & I love preparing Thanksgiving dinner.

Just before giving thanks.

Gregg AFTER Thanksgiving dinner.

There were many golf games, tennis matches, some shopping, a spa day, lots of good meals and card games.

David on the 2nd hole of the Challenge Course.

Kappa on the 2nd hole of the Challenge Course.

David, Kappa & Gregg on the Challenge Course.

David, Gregg & me at La Casita.

Kappa with a margarita at La Casita.

 Thank you, Grandma & Kappa!

It was a great vacation.

Sports & Memories

David played golf yesterday, and won his match. That was his second match in a week. They played on their "home" course, which is the course where the team practices every day after school. He is loving the sport.

It's humorous, to me, that the two sports that David has taken up as school team sports are "country club" sports. We don't belong to a country club.
...however, my parents do, and they gave the kids the gift of swimming, tennis and golf lessons for many years.

We were very thankful for this, since the kids were blessed by those experiences. Katie wasn't always a willing participant in lessons, but David was. Both of them have natural athletic ability, like their dad.


Doesn't that sparkling water look inviting?


As he grows, David is enjoying golf and tennis more and more. He always looks forward to those activities when we visit Palm Desert, and when summer arrives, here in Washington. (He also loves cycling, another interest that he shares with Kappa.)

I've been going through our old photo albums, and am including a few things here that foreshadow David's golf team participation.




Have I mentioned that I love looking through old photos?

I don't enjoy the hobby of scrapbooking, but I sure do love our photo albums, and am very thankful to have them. I love the happy memories that they recall.

A Lot Can Change

Look at what I found:

a photo from 2003



which reminds me of a photo from 2007.

A lot can change in 4 years.

Transforming Ugliness into...

You may go ahead and laugh if you want to, but I am posting this photo of my (homely) feet for a reason.

My feet have never been my finest features. The toes are small and each one has a funny shape. However, they hold my body up quite well and have never given me any trouble, so I am thankful for them and all of the work they do every day.

When at a spa, it is nice (if you would like to thank your feet) to be able to have a pedicure. Mom and I both needed this service, and we enjoyed sitting side by side, with our feet receiving wonderful treatment: soaking, massage, being scrubbed, filed, smoothed, slathered in lotion, and having the nails shaped and polished.

My left foot has a few toenails that are especially homely. Enough said. The lovely lady who was my pedicurist used to be a nurse. A NURSE! (If you have been reading this blog for any length of time, you know that I love nurses, because of the care that they gave to Katie and to our family.) We talked about nursing, and I shared some of our story with her. She shed some tears, and then I listened as she told the story of why she quit nursing. We had alot more than my feet between us.

She was the perfect person to deal with my feet, and she did it expertly and kindly. She fixed my very ugliest nail, and told me how to care for its "issues."

I had selected a strong color of polish. After she prepared my toes, I asked if we should switch to a more neutral color, since that one toe was not a pretty sight. No way, she said: we do not hide our imperfections; we will decorate it, and make it a focal point. She then polished my toenails, and on the ugliest big one, she painted a lovely hibiscus blossom, trimmed it with silver, and put a rhinestone in the middle of it! Katie would have LOVED it. That is one great example of transformation. It was also transformative to listen and share stories with a person who has chosen to serve life by literally washing the feet of others.

The lady who gave me a massage at the spa is a refugee who survived the war in Bosnia, and escaped with her family. Her stories are more examples of transforming ugliness into beauty. Her youngest son had just graduated from college in California. She and her husband were able to come to this country, work hard, and put their children through school. In less than one generation, from seeing and living with atrocities, to freedom and education for your children. That is beautiful.

Spring Break

We have been on spring break for the last week. We went to Palm Desert again, to visit with my parents, and it wasn't difficult this time. I want to say a prayer of thanksgiving for that, because it was very hard to do this around the Thanksgiving holiday.

I must say, there are some pretty spicy seniors down in the Palm Springs area, and a couple of them have given me a ribbing over my comments on feeling "about 80 years old." I tried to tell them that I said this because I am under 50, and feeling 80 when you are still under 50 is not great, but they weren't having any of that. "I'm 80 and I feel great!" is what I was told, so my advice to you is, don't use age as a reference point to describe how you feel...especially if you are going to the Palm Springs area anytime soon!

David swam every day; he and Gregg golfed with my dad 3 times, plus they had the necessary forays to the driving, putting and chipping areas. We had a tennis lesson, and the men played tennis a couple of times. Gregg and I walked 4+ miles each morning. Mom and I went to a spa for treatments and lunch (here is a great visual for houseswife/moms, like me: eating lunch --in a bathrobe, by a swimming pool, adjacent to a golf course-- in a huge resort). This cracks me up, and it is totally commonplace at this spa. I just think America is a hilarious place, sometimes.

We went to our favorite shopping street, El Paseo. Of course we thought of Katie many, many times each day, and wished she were with us, enjoying her favorite aspects of Palm Desert. We wished we could share it with her, and we talked about her frequently. It was healthy (and felt good) to be able to share thoughts with my parents, who loved Katie and were very close to her.

We had many good meals, wine, and because it was so hot there, MARGARITAS! For those of you who didn't drink alcohol until you were 40 (like me), this is a real treat! It doesn't appeal to me for most of the year in the Seattle area, because it doesn't get hot enough here, but let me tell you, in the Coachella Valley, bring it on! If you don't drink alcohol, the virgin daiquiris/margaritas are just as festive and tasty.

We had a bit of difficulty with our flight home. The mechanics discovered some fluid on the wing and couldn't readily identify it. We waited, fully packed onto the 737, as they discussed it with the pilots and the staff in Seattle. In a situation like this, my feeling always is: take your time; be sure we are safe. I'd rather spend the night on the ground, than get up in the air and wish you'd taken another look! Our plane, scheduled to leave at 3:15 p.m., finally was cleared to go at 6:00 p.m. After arriving safely in Seattle shortly before 9:00 (and looking for something that David had left on the flight down to California), we decided to drive around the peninsula, rather than take the ferry home. We got here at about midnight, and discovered 2 Sheriffs' cruisers on the road near our driveway. Hm. We will have to find out what the heck was going on with them.

I am back to getting fabric and preparing more quilts. We learned that the ones we donated have all been handed out, with a few going to the Emergency Department and a few to the Hem-Onc Clinic.

Some of our Caringbridge friends are working to help others in their own ways. I'd like to encourage you to read about them, or support them (if you would like to), by going to their Caringbridge sites and reading. They are wonderful, loving families. Their sites are:

www.caringbridge.org/visit/christianbarker

www.caringbridge.org/visit/taylorvossekuil

www.caringbridge.org/visit/robkemp

www.caringbridge.org/visit/jessicarandall

www.caringbridge.org/visit/carriemaniscalco (Carrie is in the hospital in Mississippi, where recent tornadoes ripped through her hometown. She regularly remembers others in her prayers, and she is an inspiration to me.)

The days after...

I hope you had a beautiful Christmas.

When we awoke in the morning, we gathered by the tree and opened presents, with Christmas music playing. We lit candles in Katie's memory and prayed. It was good and difficult at the same time.

We spent the afternoon and evening with Gregg's family, at his sister's house. It was snowing lightly at our house, and the half-hour drive to Hansville was very pretty. When we arrived, the power had just gone out, but the food was already cooked and laid out on the kitchen island, so we just gathered together by candlelight and visited (until the generator got going -- and later, the power came back on). Gregg is one of four children, so it is always a treat to see and chat with siblings, in-laws, nieces, nephews, grandchildren, etc. There are three little ones now, and twin boys on the way, so there is more fun to anticipate in the coming year.

It wasn't quite as happy for my side of family, as my dad has had a medical problem that prevented him and my mom from being allowed to fly home. We usually gather with my side of the family on Christmas Eve, and we did, but without Katie and my parents, it didn't feel right. However, we had a lovely dinner and shared a toast to those who were missing. A highlight was being with my nephew, Phil (who was home from college), and Caroline's mom (who was visiting from Chicago).

On a brighter note, yesterday we took David to the airport so that he could fly down to see my parents for a few days of sun, tennis, cribbage and movies. My dad isn't able to do sports right now, but David will have a lesson or two, and be able to swim, hit golf balls, cycle, etc. Gregg and I are going to use a certificate that we bought at the Ronald McDonald House Benefit and spend a couple of nights in Cannon Beach, while David is in California.

May we all continue to walk in the spirit of light and love, and with peace and goodwill toward all. Bless you!

Thanksgiving

We are back at home, after spending Thanksgiving week in Palm Desert with my parents. David turned 15, Grandma turned 75 and we celebrated both of their birthdays, along with the holiday.

Since the weather was sunny and warm every day, David spent alot of his time golfing, playing tennis, swimming and cycling. Gregg and I walked around Palm Valley (about 4 miles) each morning. Gregg and Kappa golfed and played tennis with David. Kappa also cycled with David.

Grandma and I went to the spa together, shopping on El Paseo and to lunch. We each had a (much-needed) pedicure. When we got to the spa, I began to miss Katie very much. My massage therapist told me that when regular clients miss a year at the spa, they worry about us. I told her why we had missed last year, and she got tearful. Then she proceeded to tell me about her escape from the war in Bosnia...and it helped us both. I felt my connection to mankind, and the awareness that suffering is a universal part of human existence...as is kindness. Miracles happen, such as her family's escape; some hoped-for miracles don't happen, as with Katie's illness and death. This is part of life.

On the other hand, I could feel Katie's spirit with us, especially when I saw the many butterflies and multi-hued flowers everywhere. The blue sky, hot tub, stores, Pasta Night, even the tennis lesson, all brought memories of her that were comforting. I felt that she would want us to be in California, which she loved, and enjoy our annual vacation there. I felt, as I welcomed her spirit, that I could feel its sweet-and-spiciness, along with her blessing.

I spent alot of time reading Elisabeth Kubler-Ross's books, On Children and Death and Life Lessons. I highly recommend these. It was great to be able to read and hear her ideas, based upon her experiences as a doctor and psychologist.

There were many dinners out in great restaurants, and a visit with family friends. Gregg and I had "date night" at a great Italian restaurant called Mamma Gina's.

Since Thanksgiving day was Grandma's birthday, Gregg, Kappa and I did all of the cooking (except for the green bean casserole, which is Grandma's forte).

I hope you had a wonderful holiday with your loved ones. There is much that we miss, and yet we have much for which we are thankful.

Looking ahead a bit

Now that Halloween is over, and we are into November, the thought of Thanksgiving arises. Thanksgiving is a significant holiday in our family. David was born on Nov. 21, my mom on Nov. 22, and we love Thanksgiving itself. We have a tradition of spending the holiday in Palm Desert with my parents. The kids have always loved this; they look forward to every detail of the trip, from the airplane ride to the car trip from the PS airport to the condo, sticking their noses out of the car windows and sniffing the air with joy like a couple of puppies. They made deals about who sat in the seat by the window on the flight down and who sat there on the way home. I always had a surprise for each of them to open in the airport, to help make the plane trip more interesting. They would race from the car when we pulled into Mom & Dad's driveway, to greet their waiting grandparents. They have their favorite restaurants, shops, attractions and sports; reading the paper with Kappa first thing in the morning, breakfast and walks with Grandma and Kappa, tennis lessons, swimming, riding in the golf cart, making friends with other kids, pasta night, barbecuing dinner, wearing shorts in November!

Last year, we were at Ronald McDonald House for Thanksgiving. My family joined us, and we were all treated to a wonderful dinner with roasted turkey and all of the trimmings (prepared by a modern-day saint named Bob Leoung and his friends). We enjoyed it as best we could under the circumstances, since Katie couldn't participate. The smell of food and the crowd just made her nauseous.

David is counting the days until we get to go to the desert. I find myself really ambivalent about the entire thing. First, I had to cancel Katie's airline ticket (actually, Caroline did this for me; thank you, Cara). Now I am thinking about what it will be like to get up in the morning without Katie there; she would be reading the comics in the morning paper, while Kappa got into politics or the stock market, and David read the weather maps. She would be eating at the breakfast bar with David. She would be putting on her swimsuit, but spending most of her time in the hot tub, not the pool. She would be dressing up for dinner out, or anticipating shopping on El Paseo. I will never get to take her to the spa. We had been looking forward to sharing this, and I promised to take her as soon as she was old enough, but they don't allow people under the age of 18. Massage, pedicure, spa lunch, facials...all of the girly things that she loved...no. This is painful, and it is what lies in wait for us.

I have a recurring feeling that we have left Katie behind, as if I am like the ditzy woman in the cartoon who yells, "I think I left the baby on the bus!" It is like a living nightmare. Yet I know from my 48+ years of living that in order to survive in this world, I have to accept what is in front of me and take the next step. That step might be reading, praying, walking, waiting peacefully at home a great deal of the time; it might be attending a wedding, celebrating a baby's progress or a friend's clean bill of health; perhaps it involves doing the laundry, the shopping, the cooking...or packing for a trip to a familiar place, in totally unfamiliar emotional territory.